Fiance getting frustrated

**AshB$** · 07-01-2012 12:55 PM

My fiance was getting very irritated last night at the fact he couldn't make me orgasm. When we first started having sex, it probably took over a month on to figure out how to make me. And it wasn't easy. It still isn't. He can make me orgasm. Sometimes it's kind of quickly, other takes it takes a long time...
Last night we were having sex and I said he should make me cum first so he started going down on me and touching me, because that's usually what does the trick, but nothing. At first he was just fingering me and then I suggested he should also lick me. He rolled his eyes and I knew he didn't want to so I said he didn't have to. But he did it anyway. We sat there for a while. He kept telling me not to talk because that's probably what was getting in the way. After a while he said he was about to give up because he was getting irritated.
I was getting frustrated too at the fact he was getting so angry. So I told him to stop and just finish himself. And he said no. That's rude. I'm like whatever. I kept telling him to stop because nothing was gonna happen. But he continued licking and touching me roughly. I started to cry because I knew he was irritated with me. Again after 5 or 10 minutes, nothing. Even though I felt close. He finally gave up.
I rushed to put my pants back on, he did the same and he said there staring into nothing as I laid back on the bed. I was almost ashamed of myself I guess. He was at the end of the bed sitting. You could tell there was a ton of tension between us, which upsetted me even more. So with my feet, I just began touching his legs. Trying to show him I wasn't mad. After 10 minutes of silence he finally said something along the lines of "If you truly loved me, it wouldn't be so hard to make you cum". So he was pretty much implying the reason I wasn't orgasming at that moment was because I didn't love him.
That's when I turned over and started crying. It was like this for maybe 15-20 minutes. Me crying, him sitting there. Finally he said he should leave. And he'll talk to me in a week or so. Which made me cry more. He started putting his shoes on and I grabbed him and I was crying. And it was really dramatic like that for 20 more minutes or so. When he gets so upset, he won't even comfort me while I cry. He kept telling me to let go of him, which I didn't. I was crying loudly.
Finally we got to talking about it and he said it shouldn't be so hard for him to make me cum. I told him I don't know any girls who it is easy for.. Then he said according to his (male) friends, they all make girls cum and scream so easily. I couldn't believe he was going to believe their **************** stories. Most of his friends are players and liars anyway. I asked him to go ask some girls to confirm his friends' stories. He said he'd rather not. Then I asked if he was aware of how many girls faked it. Then he said sometimes he wishes I did too. Which made me start crying again. He said he was joking but whatever. I told him I'll start faking it.
Then finally he told me not to expect sex for a very long time (even though we ended up making love 2 hours later).
The things he said broke my heart. I know my fiance is going through a lotttt right now. But I cannot believe he'd take it out on me like that. Already that morning I was feeling down and bad about myself..... And this just made me go over the edge. I wanted to remove that ring and I wanted to cut myself. I was pissed at myself. I hate myself.
Maybe this is just venting. But it hurts that he assumes it's easy for every other female to cum. It made me feel like a piece of....
Things are a little better now, but I'm hurting still.

**jns** · 07-01-2012 01:26 PM

Your fiance is wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Some women orgasm quickly, some slowly, some in between and some not at all. I have been with all types. Maybe another guy with different skills and/or different physically could have got different results. I don't care. It is what it is. I do try hard to make her happy, though, at whatever rate (being married for a long time, I am mostly speaking of past situations.) Love is mostly separated from a woman's ability to orgasm at any given rate.

So his boastful friends have girls falling in love with them all of the time? He did say the girls orgasmed fast and he did equate love with fast orgasms, did he not? I'll bet that is not the case.

**AshB$** · 07-01-2012 01:39 PM

lol the girls that his friends have been with aren't even their "girlfriends" . they are just flings.
I can understand how that can make him feel down on himself if his friends can do it so "simply" according to them, and then we struggle.
But honestly, I feel like he should have asked some females, themselves, and not rely on what immature guys brag about.

**jns** · 07-01-2012 02:03 PM

If the girls are faking it, they wouldn't tell him the truth. Some get very good at faking it and then wonder why their guys never take time getting them to orgasm. The guys think they have done their part and the cycle goes on.

**ItsASecret** · 07-01-2012 02:08 PM

Yeah I would remind your fiance that the girls that his friends bang are likely faking it simply because in a fling it is not about making a woman feel good it is merely about getting quick rocks off on his part. The men often just want to get a woman in bed, his orgasm is the priority in most cases and woman often knows she will not get an orgasm so it is incredibly easy to fake it in order to give a guy what he wants...meaning the "real" screaming orgasm. Oh and don't forget guys like to parade their flings like they are some macho stud who is perfect in bed to other guys in a competition of sorts. Remind your fiance that in order to really please a woman it can take awhile and there is absolutely no such thing as a "switch" or "magic button" in sex to instantly cause an orgasm. The movements, pressure, and technique can be different in each sex session to cause an orgasm and that is just how it sometimes is. He should not be upset that you are not faking it to sound like some porn production actress or upset that you are being honest that some things are just not working. You are a normal woman behaving as a normal woman does...it can take time to orgasm or it can be quick as it is always different.

**JonDoe** · 07-02-2012 03:32 AM

Originally Posted by AshB$

I wanted to cut myself. I was pissed at myself. I hate myself.
Things are a little better now, but I'm hurting still.

Perhaps you should seek counseling to deal with issues that I'd rather not label in an anonymous post. If you don't love yourself, how can you expect others to truly love you?

I also recommend to resolve the sexual issues before getting married because unresolved sexual issues will only get worse, not better, with time. Trust me on this, I wasted 20+ years in a relationship originally thinking time will resolve our sexual differences, only to realize it hasn't and never will. I fooled myself over the years believing the "be content with what you have, others aren't so fortunate" routine, but I realize now what a toll it has taken on me to be with someone that is so self-centered.

**AshB$** · 07-02-2012 03:40 AM

Sex is great. It was only that time. I know he's going through a real hard time right now. I just feel like he took it out on me for a moment. He admits what he said was wrong and just plain stupid.
Like this morning it was just perfect. We did it on my bedroom floor and all I said is let's focus on enjoying each other. No problems. I think when we are both super stressed and feel pressured, my orgasms won't come so smoothly.