Orgasm Troubles

**VanGateau** · 07-09-2012 02:20 PM

Hi Women's Health,

I haven't been having sex for all that long, about a year actually. However, I have never been able to achieve an orgasm with my partner whether it be through sex, oral sex, or manual stimulation. The difference between the three is that oral and manual sex actually feels good whereas sex (almost entirely) does not. And it's not for lack of trying either. My partner and I have tried a number of different things, all to no avail. I've sought help on the internet before, but nothing has done the trick.
The real kicker is that I can come by manually stimulating myself using the clitoris only. I use a detachable shower head to do it, and as intimate as that information is, I think it may be important because i cannot come any other way.
I really want to enjoy sex and other activities, but all of it is becoming tiresome and depressing when my partner reaches orgasm and I do not. Any advice on the matter would be very helpful. Thanks.

**sungem77** · 07-09-2012 03:06 PM

first of all, the fact that you can come via masturbation is excellent. at least you know you are capable of having orgasms and nothing is wrong with you physically. is your partner really patient, because its easy to feel like its taking too long and then get into your head and not be relaxed. so its important that you have a very patient caring partner.

**Element** · 07-09-2012 04:18 PM

Showerheads have water pressure, so maybe you need more pressure than your partner is giving you.

**Seeker_Advice** · 07-09-2012 04:42 PM

Two thoughts...okay three...

1. Lower your expectations in your head. Don't go into any sexual activity with expectations, especially ones like "I must orgasm or else I have failed". I am not a psychologist but a lot of sex is mental. So relax.

2. Show/Teach your partner how/what you do to yourself that results in orgasm that doesn't when they do it. This is not the time to be embarrassed. It's your partner and you're naked..so what's to be embarrassed about?

3. Buy them/you a book "She Comes First" by Dr. Ian Kerner Ph.D I think it's a great book and will help you both.