not interested in sex

**mamies06** · 09-26-2007 10:21 AM

hi im new here, i was just wondering if i have a problem. i have been with my husband for 10 years we have two kids one is 6 and the other is 5 years old. i am 24 and my hubby is 28. i have lost interest in sex im just not interested. now that i think about it i have not been that interested in sex even before i had kids. but my husband is addicted to sex he wants it all the time. also he watches alot of porn and he tells me about it and i dont have a probelem with that but i dont know what to do anymore. oh by the way he cheated on me about a year ago becuase of my lack of sex over the years. we seperated for a while and then we went back together, when we got back together sex was okay but now i dont want it dont think about it i feel that if we have sex im doing it becuase he wants to not because i want to and i do it and dont enjoy it. by the way he does not force me to have sex with me he is very patient after the whole cheating thing we used to argue about sex all the time but now he just doesnt say anything. i wonder if he is cheating on me again

please help me

**rcoreyus** · 09-26-2007 01:37 PM

Well, if you aren't interested in sex, why do you care if he cheats? Is it fair to expect him to live like a monk?

**mamies06** · 09-26-2007 01:50 PM

rcoreyus,

that was harsh but ur right, and i care if he cheats because i love him i just want our sex life to be like it used to, but i dont know how what can i do to be interested in sex again.

**rcoreyus** · 09-26-2007 04:17 PM

sorry, really didn't mean to be harsh - slightly touchy subject for me, I am on the opposite side of a simlar situation - my apologies.

I think it is a serious question though. If you are not interested in sex and he is, is it really such a bad idea for him to have another partner? I have friends that are poly (I am not), and who think this is a reasonable way to go.

I'm just trying to see a way around either one partner engaging in sex they really don't want, or the other not getting what they want.

I really can't speak to why you personally have lost interest. There are people who are attracted to the opposite sex, or to people of the same sex - I don't think they can say why. Maybe the same mechanism just makes some people not interested.

**inquisitive1** · 09-26-2007 10:00 PM

Hello Mamies06-
You seem to have gotten some good responses so far. However, I would like you to consider this -Are you on a regular exercise program? If not check with your doctor first. If all systems are go then ease into it and work your way up to more challenging work outs about five times a week. Modify your diet with more produce (especially raw). This will give you more energy, tone you up, get you fit, improve your health, and for most people it improves/increases the sex drive. Of couse all that positive change just makes one feel sexier and more self confident. The self esteem goes up and your desire to be more than just a mom, but a yummy mommy ususally will kick into over drive. Being just mom is the greatest thing on earth, but are your taking care of, being good to, finding time for, ocassionally pampering, YOU?!!! Don't lose you in all the great mommy stuff. You seem to have multi-issues going on and perhaps couples therapy would benefit you both. By the way are you taking any medications or do you have any medical conditions that might alter your hormone levels? I hope this helps.

Be Blessed!!

**Nightelf** · 09-27-2007 02:39 AM

Hi Mamie06. Tell me, are you not interested in sex at all, do you not masturbate on your own, do you not get turned on by things, or are you not interested in sex with your husband?

GentileBen · 09-27-2007 05:25 AM

Originally Posted by mamies06

hi im new here, i was just wondering if i have a problem. i have been with my husband for 10 years we have two kids one is 6 and the other is 5 years old. i am 24 and my hubby is 28. i have lost interest in sex im just not interested. now that i think about it i have not been that interested in sex even before i had kids. but my husband is addicted to sex he wants it all the time. also he watches alot of porn and he tells me about it and i dont have a probelem with that but i dont know what to do anymore. oh by the way he cheated on me about a year ago becuase of my lack of sex over the years. we seperated for a while and then we went back together, when we got back together sex was okay but now i dont want it dont think about it i feel that if we have sex im doing it becuase he wants to not because i want to and i do it and dont enjoy it. by the way he does not force me to have sex with me he is very patient after the whole cheating thing we used to argue about sex all the time but now he just doesnt say anything. i wonder if he is cheating on me again

please help me

It's sad that you find sex boring or you are just not interested, I rekindled my partners labido into a raging inferno, sex has to be pleasant and feel good physically and mentally as well as spiritually, I think I practive what is called "tantric sex" which is more emotional than sexual, this should ultimately be your goal, to improve your partners enjoyment instead of of focusssing on your own selfish needs and degrading your partner and yourself.

You never ask a wome for sex you create the desire by being gentle, loving, nurturing and supportive.

I don't care what anyone says if you can relax them and tease them in a loving and gentle way the desire will come.

**mamies06** · 09-27-2007 08:13 AM

rcoreyus,

i understand your point of view, one one the main reasons i lost interest in sex is that i have gained alot of weight over the years, althogh he does not complain about it but i think deep down he does because he is always trying to motivate me to loose wieight which i appreciate it. and that about having another partner i dont think so.

**mamies06** · 09-27-2007 08:18 AM

inquisitive1,

thank you for that great advice. and i do i go to the gym about 4 times a week i go with my hubby hes into bodybuilding and stuff and he looks good i feel out of place because he is in such a good condition and i look fat sometimes when we get invited to places i rether not go because of my apperenace, and about medication i was on depression pills a couple of months ago after my hubby cheated on me becuase of my lack of sex.

**rcoreyus** · 09-27-2007 08:24 AM

It sounds like he is still very attracted to you. I wouldn't worry about the weight for that reason. I don't know what you mean by "a lot of weight", it is perfectly normaly to gain some weight as you age (male or female), if it is not enough to affect your health, don't be concerned.

To the original question: do you lack interest in sex, or do you not enjoy it when it happens - or both? If the second, does he try to please you? Have you told him (honestly) what you like. Are you attracted to anyone besides your husband?

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