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Thread: Husband wants me to sleep with other men

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    Default Husband wants me to sleep with other men


    My husband has revealed to me that he has a very strong fantasy of me sleeping with another man. He would like to be there to watch. I am disturbed and intrigued in almost equal measure. Does anyone have any experience of this?
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    I know of one couple where the husband asks the wife to join the swinging lifestyle years later in the marriage. The wife agreed to it. They say they're deeply in love, but just enjoy the alternative lifestyle.

    I'm not surprised that some people get off on watching their partner have sex with someone else. everybody's different, but in the end it's up to you on what you want to do.

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    He swears that he doesn't want to be with other women, so this is not traditional swinging. I wouldn't be up for that. I have always tried to be game but I'm not sure if this is a good idea.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sion View Post
    My husband has revealed to me that he has a very strong fantasy of me sleeping with another man. He would like to be there to watch. I am disturbed and intrigued in almost equal measure. Does anyone have any experience of this?
    Has he actually asked you to fulfill his fantasy or has he only shared it with you?

    This is not as uncommon a fantasy as one would think.

    Quote Originally Posted by sion View Post
    He swears that he doesn't want to be with other women, so this is not traditional swinging. I wouldn't be up for that. I have always tried to be game but I'm not sure if this is a good idea.
    Are you saying that you wouldn't be open to swinging or more specifically him having sex with another woman, even if you were present, but you are considering his idea of you having sex with another man while he watches? So you are "game" only if it suits you?

    This could be a wonderful experince for both of you, but it could also destroy your marriage. Are you both absolutely certain that jealousy will not be an issue?

    What happens if you fulfill this fantasy and he develops a fantasy of having a threesome with you and another woman? Will you be game then? "But I let you sleep with another man, so it's only fair that we try with another woman too!"

    No problem as long as you don't rush into this and agree on boundaries and limitations.
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    Quote Originally Posted by JonDoe View Post
    Has he actually asked you to fulfill his fantasy or has he only shared it with you?
    He has asked me to fulfill it.
    Quote Originally Posted by JonDoe View Post
    Are you saying that you wouldn't be open to swinging or more specifically him having sex with another woman, even if you were present, but you are considering his idea of you having sex with another man while he watches? So you are "game" only if it suits you?
    I don't want to see him with another woman and I think I have the right to refuse that. If he asked for permission to sleep with another woman I would say a straight no.
    Quote Originally Posted by JonDoe View Post
    This could be a wonderful experince for both of you, but it could also destroy your marriage. Are you both absolutely certain that jealousy will not be an issue?
    No, I am not certain of that. He says he is sure that he would be fine, but I am not convinced.
    Quote Originally Posted by JonDoe View Post
    What happens if you fulfill this fantasy and he develops a fantasy of having a threesome with you and another woman? Will you be game then? "But I let you sleep with another man, so it's only fair that we try with another woman too!"
    I am straight and have no bisexual desires and I also know that I would be consumed with jealousy if he had sex with another woman, so no, I wouldn't do it. He assures me that this is about me and another man and is not a trick to open up our marriage.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sion View Post
    I have always tried to be game but I'm not sure if this is a good idea.
    I think it's the most horrible of ideas. It violates your bond on a basic level. It's like smoking cigarettes. Yes you can find people who love it and who live until 100, but that doesn't make it good and it doesn't mean that you aren't going to see repercussions . That's my two cents.
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    I wonder what the psychology of this fantasy is? This is not a fantasy to fulfill unless you want to do it also, but even then there may be a loss of trust and intimacy.
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    How is he going to "be there and watch"? Is he going to be hiding? If he is out in the open, I can't imagine too many men that would be eager to have sex with you with your husband in the room?

    You two are adults, so I don't want to judge negatively. But I would not personally try indulge this request if my husband made it. Although role playing it and fantasizing about it would be within my comfort zone. But to actually do it would seem risky. It seems like you are apprehensive, so I would say keep this a fantasy for now.

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    Quote Originally Posted by suej View Post
    How is he going to "be there and watch"? Is he going to be hiding? If he is out in the open, I can't imagine too many men that would be eager to have sex with you with your husband in the room?
    Apparently there are plenty. He belongs to an online community of people with this kink and there are loads of men willing to do this.

    Quote Originally Posted by suej View Post
    You two are adults, so I don't want to judge negatively. But I would not personally try indulge this request if my husband made it. Although role playing it and fantasizing about it would be within my comfort zone. But to actually do it would seem risky. It seems like you are apprehensive, so I would say keep this a fantasy for now.
    I am happy to keep this as a fantasy, but he seems so obsessed by the idea that I am not sure he will be able to let it go.

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    You seem eager yet apprehensive, so listen to your instinct and let it remain a fantasy.

    Rather than 100% fulfilling his fantasy, try the following instead. Setup a video camera to record you and your husband having sex together. Try to angle the camera so his face isn't visible in the video, this way when he watches the video he can more easily imagine it is another man. You can even experiment with various uniforms, hats, henna tattoos and/or other disguises that help with the illusion of being with a stranger. He could even wear a large strapon dildo under his pants to enhance the illusion.

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