Thread: Worried that i am no longer a virgin

Hello. I know the title seems weird but I will explain. This is pretty embarassing for me to explain but I really need some advice. I am 20 years old and i've been with my boyfriend for almost a year. I come from a very strict background so i'm not allowed to have sex before I am married. I've told my boyfriend that im not yet ready to have sex so instead we have dry sex. Just recently we started to rub up against each other without underwear on (I will move my underwear to the side and he would take his penis out). Lately its been feeling like he's been pushing against the entrance of my vagina rather than rubbing and for some reason i've felt some pain while he pushes up against the entrance of my vagina. One thing that is really weird is that a few nights ago he pushed up against me and i felt pain but a few minutes later he did the same thing and i didnt feel pain, I felt pleasure. I felt really wet when we were doing this. I didn't bleed, I don't think I broke my hymen, i'm really confused and I don't remember any time in my life that I have bled down there other than when I get my period, so I don't think I broke my hymen any other way. Am I having sex? Or is he just pushing up against me really hard? I've spoken to him about this and he doesnt think we have had sex, he thinks he was just pushing up against me really hard but neither of us would know because we have never had sex before. I'm really worried i'm not a virgin anymore. . Please let me know what you think.

Just thought I would write extra. The first time he rubbed up against me without underwear, he didn't use a condom but he didn't put his penis inside of me. I felt uncomfortable about this and I told him to use condoms just incase and every other times it happens he uses a condom just in case. I still don't know if it has gone inside...what do you suggest? thanks alot and please don't yell at me, if this is inappropriate, please let me know nicely. Thanks!

Don't worry yourself too much about this. Just decide whether you want to have sex before you get married or not. What you are doing sounds like if you got carried away you could very easily go all the way. You are putting yourself in a difficult situation which then creates feelings of guilt etc - I know as I've been there!

Could you feel him inside you?

In terms of the hymen, some people never have blood the first time they have sex. Some people have quite a lot, we are all different. In a world where girls play sport in most countries from an early age all through their teens most have had the hymen brake before they have sex for the first time.

The hymen can go away, gradually stretching with tiny tearings until it's gone. Bleeding isn't a good indicator of "virginity."
In cases like this, your "virginity" is as you perceive it. You probably don't have your hymen anymore, so you don't have a tangible "virginity," it only exists in your head. When do YOU think a girl loses her virginity? At the first pin-prick of penetration, or after full intercourse?
Use a condom during dry sex. It's not very likely that you will get pregnant from it, but you aren't protected from STDs at all without one, in case that's an issue.
Like IrelandLover said, YOU need to decide how you feel about sex before marriage. If you want to do it, do it. Just do it safely and in a prepared manner. The worst thing you can do is have dry sex and then decide you just have to have sex that moment; you can't wait, and you don't have a condom on-hand. You want your first time to be special and planned, something you can remember, instead of a mere lack of self-control.
Lastly, and this is a side note that you are welcome to ignore if it's not appropriate, but if the reason you are abstaining from sex is because of religious reasons, specifically Christian rules, you should probably rethink dry sex. I don't think it means much to a future husband to say that you did everything else but sex and even had some penetration, but you saved the "real thing" for him.
Go with your heart and good luck!

You're saying that you're not allowed to have sex; but you never said whether or not YOU want to. There was nothing wrong with your post; what bothers me most is that you're just a little lacking in your knowledge of sex, and this is probably from your upbringing, which you said is strict.

Your hormones are raging, the two of you are hot and heavy, and if you are very lubricated, which at 20 I'm pretty sure would be a lot , then it is possible that in the heat of the moment you've had penetration. Especially if you're saying it hurt - if he was pushing at the entrance of your vagina and it hurt, then he was pushing to get inside of you (not on purpose, I'm guessing).

This also does not mean that you've had sex. It sounds like there was initial penetration but from what you wrote it sounds like you stopped. Please always use a condom - you can get pregnant and you can get STDs from bare genital-to-genital contact with no condom.

I think that it is a wonderful thing that you are 20 and a virgin. It is hard to keep your cool when your morals want to go in one direction and your body wants to go in another. You should be proud of yourself.

And I agree with Little. This sounds like a close call - you might want to rethink the dry sex... or have it be VERY dry - keep your bottoms on, both of you, pants and all. (sorry if that sounded too much like a parent)

Hope that helps, and don't be disappointed in yourself.

Yes, I don't think I have much knowlegde about sex and this is probably why I am confused. Firstly I would like to thank you all for helping me and secondly, I just wanted to ask one more question. You say I penetrated, does this mean i'm not a virgin? I heard that even little penetration means the you are NOT a virgin, am I correct or am I still a virgin?

Just a reply to the first post I got, I don't think he was inside me, it felt like more of a push on the entrance which caused some pain. I am still confused about this but i don't think he was inside me :S I know that sounds ****** but it did confuse me.

Also, Little, I did not understand the last bit of your post, about the future husband, would you be able to explain it again? Sorry about any inconvenience.

Thanks alot!

Originally Posted by Allanah

Hello. I know the title seems weird but I will explain. This is pretty embarassing for me to explain but I really need some advice. I am 20 years old and i've been with my boyfriend for almost a year. I come from a very strict background so i'm not allowed to have sex before I am married. I've told my boyfriend that im not yet ready to have sex so instead we have dry sex. Just recently we started to rub up against each other without underwear on (I will move my underwear to the side and he would take his penis out). Lately its been feeling like he's been pushing against the entrance of my vagina rather than rubbing and for some reason i've felt some pain while he pushes up against the entrance of my vagina. One thing that is really weird is that a few nights ago he pushed up against me and i felt pain but a few minutes later he did the same thing and i didnt feel pain, I felt pleasure. I felt really wet when we were doing this. I didn't bleed, I don't think I broke my hymen, i'm really confused and I don't remember any time in my life that I have bled down there other than when I get my period, so I don't think I broke my hymen any other way. Am I having sex? Or is he just pushing up against me really hard? I've spoken to him about this and he doesnt think we have had sex, he thinks he was just pushing up against me really hard but neither of us would know because we have never had sex before. I'm really worried i'm not a virgin anymore. . Please let me know what you think.

If you have never had sex with a man, you're a virgin regardless of whether your hymen is intact or not.

That might be difficult for some cultures to except as I have heard they can be very strict in what they consider to be a "virgin".

Surely you most know whether he inserted his penis into your vagina or not ????

It's harder to know than one might think, especially for an innocent girl.
Penetration does NOT equal a lack of virginity, to me, but there are some people who would say it does.
It's not an inconvenience at all to explain ... what I was saying is that if you're waiting for sex because of religious beliefs, then you're probably waiting for marriage, right? Saving your first intercourse for your husband, but if you meet that future husband and he has the same values as you, will he be so impressed that you didn't have sex if there are other men who have seen you naked, explored your body, or caused you sexual pleasure? It's something you have to ask yourself. There are men out there who will marry you, act as though they love you through courtship, then resent you for having been more sexually experienced than they had been. (There are some posts about this scattered through the forum.) So it's something you need to decide; if you decide that you still do not want to have premarital sex, you will have to decide whether you will continue having sexual relations with your boyfriend.
For the record, I'm 100% for sex (mine is premarital, but since I've never been married, I can't say how I feel about "premarital" sex as an idea.) It wasn't for me to wait until I got married, but I did wait until I was in a committed relationship and I feel as long as you love the other person and he truly cares about your needs, ie, always insists on safe sex, then it is okay. It's up to you to make the decision; you can make it to the end I did or you can make it to the end your parents would like you to.
It's your call.

Do you want to marry this guy? Does he want to marry you? Are you that committed yet to eachother? I'd say just marry the guy since you're 20 and at a point in your life when you can-IF you truly love eachother and want to be with eachother forever. I'd say you're still a virgin, but boy are you cutting it close! Keep your clothes on until you can get married-it will be well worth the wait, trust me!! You're wedding night will be the best thing ever!!!!

Virginity is a state of mind. As stated before the hymen has no baring on virginity. If you road bikes a lot while you were a kid you have a 90% chance your hymen has been broke.

Some people would consider the point that the pennis touches the vaginal opening "having sex", or the point when the pennis head enters or when the pennis is all the way in side. Only you and God can determine that.

I say that if you dont know then you are still a virgin and if you want to stay that way, you both need to stop the close calls. All it takes is for you the be wet, him to give a little push and he will slide right in. At that time it will be to late, you will know he is in there. Whether ether of you really try to do it or not.