Thread: Really confused about Masturbation

I have a question for anyone who can offer me advice and/or help .
My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for a good while and we masturbate mutually. We are both virgins and we masturbate mutually pretty often (sometimes twice a day).
Well, we're young and plan on having sex relatively soon and we've feared for some time now that because we Masturbate we may become addicted or already are addicted to it and will prefer Masturbation over sex with each other . Okay so as a young virgin I am looking for advice for our problem.. should we stop masturbating completely until we have sex? Should we masturbate only once or twice a week (but then won't the feeling still be there)? Or should we just leave it go? It's effected us and our relationship somewhat because of confusion, worry, etc. And the feeling of having no self-control. Once we get talking to each other and flirting it's done, which is a good thing. I just sometimes wonder if it's Addiction as oppose to being properly aroused by each other
Thanks for any infomation in advance

I think you are analyzing it way too much. If you are committed to each other and you are being safe then I don't see what the worry is. Do what feels right. I don't see anything wrong with what you are doing now, relax and enjoy yourselves.

Hi Sourpuss,
thanks for responding. You don't think it's possible we're addicted or will prefer Masturbation to sex? That would be really terrible Thanks again

How would you know if you prefer masturbation over sex if you've never had sex before?

Just stop worrying about it and chillax. ^_^

I don't know that we will prefer Masturbation to Sex but seriously, isn't that too much to risk? I don't want to risk that but sometimes it seems impossible to not masturbate

I find it admirable that so many young people are choosing to remain virgins for so long. I read another post by a couple in much the same situation as your own. They described their first attempt at intercourse as less than satisfying. The more intimate time you both spend together the more comfortable you will become with yours and your partners body. There is nothing wrong with anything two people in love can do together. Nor you should be ashamed of or embarrassed about anything that you find pleasure in. After 26yrs of marriage I still enjoy private or mutual masturbation with my wife. Learn to love with an open mind and a forgiving heart. I wish you a long and happy life together fficeffice" />>>

by chance would you be a Tom Petty fan?

Petty is okay . Thanks for your response Sure_Knot.
See the thing is my boyfriend and I are both spiritual and have had mixed views on this issue but more so than the spiritual/religious confusion on Masturbation we're concerned with the possibly preferring Masturbation to sex. We've read a lot about Porn addiction and Masturbation addiction, etc. in the past and it's left an impact. Neither of us watch porn, we just masturbate together. We're both virgins and more in love than I could ever describe and of course we look forward to having sex together and becoming one flesh. So to think it's possible to prefer something selfish as Masturbation to something Mutual and loving as Sex is worrisome Thanks again for everyones responses and advice, it's appreciated.

Mary I notice a couple of things when I read your post the first is you talk about Mutual Masterbation so I can only assume that you are together when you masturbate. Masturbation is sex its just not intercourse

we're concerned with the possibly preferring Masturbation to sex.

Im not suggesting that you change your belief system or you commitment to remain virgins but you are equating intercouse with sex. IMHO There is nothing selfish with sharing an intiminte moment together and staying true to your beleifs. You have to decide what your own limits are, holding the person you love in your arms and prasing and encouraging them while they masturbate can be a wonderful experiance.

So to think it's possible to prefer something selfish as Masturbation to something Mutual and loving as Sex

If you were each doing this in private I think you would have something to be concerned about. As it is I see you are starting your relationship with more openness than most couples can ever hope to have relax enjoy your special time together

Originally Posted by LastDancewithMaryJane

I have a question for anyone who can offer me advice and/or help .
My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for a good while and we masturbate mutually. We are both virgins and we masturbate mutually pretty often (sometimes twice a day).
Well, we're young and plan on having sex relatively soon and we've feared for some time now that because we Masturbate we may become addicted or already are addicted to it and will prefer Masturbation over sex with each other . Okay so as a young virgin I am looking for advice for our problem.. should we stop masturbating completely until we have sex? Should we masturbate only once or twice a week (but then won't the feeling still be there)? Or should we just leave it go? It's effected us and our relationship somewhat because of confusion, worry, etc. And the feeling of having no self-control. Once we get talking to each other and flirting it's done, which is a good thing. I just sometimes wonder if it's Addiction as oppose to being properly aroused by each other
Thanks for any infomation in advance

Are you saying you do it via telephone? ie phone sex and masturbate as you talk to each other?

There is nothing wrong with this whatsoever, until you want to have real sex together.

Lots of married folk also masturbate - when one partner is sick or unable to have intercourse - it is natural and not evil.

Personnel opinion; Masturbating twice a day seem a little exessive. On the other hand I do know a guy that went to get himself checked because he was put in a situation where he could not have sex as much as he used too. For some reason he was overly producing sperm and it caused swelling of the testies. The doctor told him he should try to masturbate once a day. That had to be the only case in history, maybe not (but that is something I never cared to research).

I am not saying that you shouldn't "do what you do" but you might want to tone down the frequency. Long distance relationship try for no more than 2 to 3 times a week. After all statistics say a couple with a heathy sex life have sex 2-3 per week. You two masturbate 5x(the amount) most people have sex.

No matter what the case maturgating is like the appitizer or foreplay. No matter how long or often you have it, it can never replace the main meal. You probably could get addicted to masturbation but it "most likely" will not cause you to prefer it over sex.

If you fear that you are addicted stop doing it for a week or two. If during that time you feel an overwelming earge to maturbate and find that you just have to do it (You are addicted).