Thread: dilemma with my boss

ok my boss had a party the other nite and i went. Well i got really really drunk. We did end up kissing and makin out and i remember him suckin on my toes and everything. He did end up givin me a bath becuz i got sick LOL. However he didnt do anything to me. I slept in his bed and he slept on the floor if anything he protected me from his nasty perverted roommate. Its like now there is tension there a sexual tension and we send eachother dirty texts and nasty phone calls. Of coarse we are keepin it a secret but I really am finding myself attracted to him. He actually called me his gurl last nite. Apart of me feels this is what i want but a part of me feels like its wrong. I mean if all he wanted was sex from me why didnt he take it that nite?

I clicked on his post anticipating a bad situation, but what you have sounds like an accident turned good. If he didn't have sex with you the first night, there's a chance that he respects you.
From your other posts, I know you've had some relationship problems. So, I'd advise you to let this go slowly and see how it works out before you ruin your job or hurt your feelings over it.
Also, what kind of job do you have? Is your boss your only boss, or does he respond to someone higher? Is your boss directly over you? All of those things can determine the dynamics of a work relationship, which you must know can turn out to be a very awkward, embarrassing, power-based thing.
So, good luck and I hope my good feelings about this are right.

Originally Posted by Little

I clicked on his post anticipating a bad situation, but what you have sounds like an accident turned good. If he didn't have sex with you the first night, there's a chance that he respects you.
From your other posts, I know you've had some relationship problems. So, I'd advise you to let this go slowly and see how it works out before you ruin your job or hurt your feelings over it.
Also, what kind of job do you have? Is your boss your only boss, or does he respond to someone higher? Is your boss directly over you? All of those things can determine the dynamics of a work relationship, which you must know can turn out to be a very awkward, embarrassing, power-based thing.
So, good luck and I hope my good feelings about this are right.

Hello SimplyMe-

I agree with with heart of Little's post. As a personal rule I do not date where I work and I don't recommend dating were one works....for all the reasons Little mentioned. It can be like playing with fire. If it does not work out it could possibly make your work place unbearable for you. Although once in awhile it does work out for couples. However, based on what you have shared it seems as though his intentions are honorable. I would hate to advise against it because who knows it may work out for you and he could be the one. I wish you the best in whatever choice you make.

Is there a big age difference? A long term relationship can work with a big age difference, but it is less likely.

Hate to ask, but is he married?

Sounds like he is acting like a gentleman, so unless there is some particular reason not to (like those above), I don't see any problem. It won't be a secret for long though.

Office romance does have lots of pitfalls. Can you really keep work and personal life seperate? If you do a bad job at work and he chews you out, can you avoid taking that home? If not, how can he be fair to the other employees?

Hi SimplyMe.

You were "really really drunk" at a party and your boss made out with you?!!! Yes, he saved you from his roommate but maybe he wanted you for himself...but, unfortunately, you got sick. I think he should have offered to call a taxi to take you home instead of making out with you. How can you work with this man? I don't see how you could even consider having any sort of relationship with him.

On the other hand, you make light of being sick and your boss cleaning you up. I don't think that's funny. If you weren't drunk you probably wouldn't be in this situation. Hopefully you learned a valuable life-lesson about drinking in excess and the foolish things it can cause you to do. Make yourself a promise that you'll never end up in that position again.

You have to stop those dirty text messages and conversations and make it clear that it's not appropriate, since you both work together. If your employer has a 'code of ethics', your boss probably knows that there the rules forbidding office relationships. It's best to put the idea of being 'with' him out of your mind, unless you're willing to put your job on the line.

Originally Posted by alibaby

Hi SimplyMe.

You were "really really drunk" at a party and your boss made out with you?!!! Yes, he saved you from his roommate but maybe he wanted you for himself...but, unfortunately, you got sick. I think he should have offered to call a taxi to take you home instead of making out with you. How can you work with this man? I don't see how you could even consider having any sort of relationship with him.

On the other hand, you make light of being sick and your boss cleaning you up. I don't think that's funny. If you weren't drunk you probably wouldn't be in this situation. Hopefully you learned a valuable life-lesson about drinking in excess and the foolish things it can cause you to do. Make yourself a promise that you'll never end up in that position again.

You have to stop those dirty text messages and conversations and make it clear that it's not appropriate, since you both work together. If your employer has a 'code of ethics', your boss probably knows that there the rules forbidding office relationships. It's best to put the idea of being 'with' him out of your mind, unless you're willing to put your job on the line.

I don't agree with all of that, but do strongly agree with not getting so drunk you don't really know what is happening. There are too many cases of people get drunk. Have sex, neither remembers quite what happened. Did he rape her? Did she seduce him? Everything is a fog and everybody is miserable - and maybe going to jail.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not blaming a woman for being raped just because she was drunk, but if both parties are very drunk, bad things can happen, and no one can remember what started them.

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

I don't agree with all of that, but do strongly agree with not getting so drunk you don't really know what is happening. There are too many cases of people get drunk. Have sex, neither remembers quite what happened. Did he rape her? Did she seduce him? Everything is a fog and everybody is miserable - and maybe going to jail.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not blaming a woman for being raped just because she was drunk, but if both parties are very drunk, bad things can happen, and no one can remember what started them.

Because it was the boss' party, I would imagine that he wanted to make sure that his guests were ok when they left, so I assumed that he was the more sober of the two of them. 'SimplyMe' never said that her boss was drunk too. Even though she didn't refuse his advances, or he didn't refuse hers, she was still drunk. He should have called that taxi. But if I'm wrong, forgive me for reading between the lines. The job situation aside, if they just want to 'have fun' or 'play games' with each other, this arrangement is ok. But it's not a good way to start a meaningful relationship.

Originally Posted by alibaby

Because it was the boss' party, I would imagine that he wanted to make sure that his guests were ok when they left, so I assumed that he was the more sober of the two of them. 'SimplyMe' never said that her boss was drunk too. Even though she didn't refuse his advances, or he didn't refuse hers, she was still drunk. He should have called that taxi. But if I'm wrong, forgive me for reading between the lines. The job situation aside, if they just want to 'have fun' or 'play games' with each other, this arrangement is ok. But it's not a good way to start a meaningful relationship.

She said she was attracted to him. As in not everything happend that night when she was "really really drunk". She sends some dirty text and is starting to like him, so what? Does that make her a bad person? I don't think so. I know many couples that met through the work place, even through weirer circumstances that she stated. Please you can step down from your high pedastal....

And kissing is just that..... kissing. If they were both drunk, nonetheless they only kissed and he didn't take advantage of her even though he was under the influence as well. He did the right think IMO, I rather have a drunk friend of mine stay in my bed rather than send her on her own in a taxi cab

Originally Posted by Little

I clicked on his post anticipating a bad situation, but what you have sounds like an accident turned good. If he didn't have sex with you the first night, there's a chance that he respects you.
From your other posts, I know you've had some relationship problems. So, I'd advise you to let this go slowly and see how it works out before you ruin your job or hurt your feelings over it.
Also, what kind of job do you have? Is your boss your only boss, or does he respond to someone higher? Is your boss directly over you? All of those things can determine the dynamics of a work relationship, which you must know can turn out to be a very awkward, embarrassing, power-based thing.
So, good luck and I hope my good feelings about this are right.

When a guy sucks on your toes when you are inebriated and sends you dirty text messages I am not too sure there is much respect going on.

Originally Posted by ConfusedGuy

She said she was attracted to him. As in not everything happend that night when she was "really really drunk". She sends some dirty text and is starting to like him, so what? Does that make her a bad person? I don't think so. I know many couples that met through the work place, even through weirer circumstances that she stated. Please you can step down from your high pedastal....

And kissing is just that..... kissing. If they were both drunk, nonetheless they only kissed and he didn't take advantage of her even though he was under the influence as well. He did the right think IMO, I rather have a drunk friend of mine stay in my bed rather than send her on her own in a taxi cab

Lol!!!What do you mean "get off my high pedastal"? I thought I was standing on the ground just like everyone else here. I guess I just see this situation from a different angle.

I never said she was a bad person, but I do hope that she doesn't drink until she's sick again. We're all human. We all make mistakes. Hopefully we learn from them. That's all.

I have no problem with meeting s/o's through the work place. That's where my husband and I met. It's the way 'SimplyMe' and her boss are starting this potential relationship. You see the nasty messages and phone calls and the making out and getting drunk as nothing. I think it's all something. I just see all of this as dangerous as far as her self respect and her job are concerned. Ultimately, it's her life and her choice to make. I'm just presenting an opinion. I'm not looking to offend anyone.