Thread: Why Married Men Watch Porn

Originally Posted by PeaceofMind

Please everyone give me your advice or feedback!!
hello everyone..im new to this forum & really need some candid advice from all of you..women and men...whomever..
I've been married (happily) for just over 1 yr and my husband and I have a good relationship..sexually its pretty fullfilled..but lately i notice that my husband has looked * .....

I think they enjoy doing it and many people think it is natural. I can't say I disagree. I guess it is natural. We shouldn't take it personally. But I know exactly how you feel...and your feelings certainly echo my own...almost thought for thought or word for word....

You say you're a medical doctor (MD) but don't know why men masturbate? I don't understand that. Mostly they use it as a stress reliever, and has nothing to do with how they feel about the significant other in their lives. Sometimes they watch it if a partner won't do something sexual that they have a desire for.

I personally find nothing wrong with it as long as the two of you are having a normal healthy sex life.

I also truly believe that most of the men are NOT watching to look at unhealthily salon tanned women with fake nails, tons of makeup and plastic surgery. They are watching the sex acts, maybe the techniques of say a blow job, or anal sex, and getting pleasure from that.

Yeah i am an MD..resident physician actually..so just getting started.I do understand the physiological reasons but i think i was naive to think that some of those reasons for mastubation would be controlled once the man or woman is in a serious committed relationship-marriage.Its not like im NOT available to him or not offering to do whatever he wants....So thats why i was so confused..I thought i was doing my best in every aspect i was just surprised when i confronted him that he does it often and i thought then maybe whatever i am providing isnt good enough?
Do u knwo what i mean.
I appreciate your post-reply it helps me feel better that from another prespective that whatever he is doing..masturbation-watching porn(getting stimulation-only"apparently")...is somewhat natural and he is not attracted to that type of woman that is portrayed on these pornos.

Your right when you say they are watching the act and not the person..ir eally hope thats the case b/c im not sure about you but most women..even the most successful,gorgeous ones;;they feel soo low & degraded when they realize what their husbands or Significant others do things like that

thanks for ur response

Women don't like their men to masturbate.

Men will (almost) always masturbate.

That really just leaves one solution, get over it.



We don't like being treated like ******** every 28 days, but guess what, it isn't changing, and we get over it.

Originally Posted by anonymouswhitefemale

Women don't like their men to masturbate.

Men will (almost) always masturbate.

That really just leaves one solution, get over it.



We don't like being treated like ******** every 28 days, but guess what, it isn't changing, and we get over it.

...Calm down, please.

Originally Posted by Ravsoma

...Calm down, please.

Geez, really! It's not our fault your SO treats you poorly while on her period. I know it doesn't effect me that way. Stop generalizing- It makes you sound bitter.

Also, you have no right to tell someone to get over something they're uncomfortable with. Her husband masturbating is something she'll probably have to get used to, since every man I know does it, spouse or not. But YOU can't tell her to do it. She wants constructive advice, not an angry man-rant.

Originally Posted by ChelseaRenee

Geez, really! It's not our fault your SO treats you poorly while on her period. I know it doesn't effect me that way. Stop generalizing- It makes you sound bitter.

Also, you have no right to tell someone to get over something they're uncomfortable with. Her husband masturbating is something she'll probably have to get used to, since every man I know does it, spouse or not. But YOU can't tell her to do it. She wants constructive advice, not an angry man-rant.

thanks chelsey & ravsoma..i appreciate your feedback(lol,especially to 'anonymousfemale"
I see where "he" is coming from...but its not always as easy as something to get over.
also not ALL WOMEN give men a hard time every 28 days....so it all is situation dependent..
I jus wanted people's candid advice...not this "get over stuff" hehehe..
oh well in the end..cant take it seriously right
thanks for the support from ur end and ravasoma's end.

You and ravsoma are right in saying what you said
thanks for ur help.

You're welcome. I'm not a big fan on insensitivity, especially when it comes to something that's so intermingled with a persons self-esteem.

HOWEVER, regarding your problem. Like I said, men masturbate. You could make up any number of excuses or reasons (they have a higher sex drive, it's more acceptable for men to masturbate, society says men do it constantly, so in turn they DO) but the fact is, they just do. I just today after reading your thread asked my boyfriend about it, and his response was, "married or not, men will masturbate until their hands quit working". He doesn't even do it that often- 1, maybe 2 times a week. But he knows they pretty much all do.

But, he doesn't look at porn. I'll be the first to admit I've had my problems with it, and that was very much so a contributing factor to his stopping. My problems were with my own insecurities, ones which had nothing to do with him, but ones which he did his very best to help me with, which at the time, he decided included stopping watching porn.

Since then, I've come leaps and bounds. I'm feeling much, MUCH better about myself, though I can say that is solely due to MY work on MY problems with it. I have done a whoooole helluvalotta soul searching, and it's done wonders for our relationship, because I admit, I was pretty much a monster about the whole porn thing after the fact for a few months. I had a terrible habit of bringing it up a lot, far after he stopped, and for no apparent reason other than I wanted answers and explanations that either a.) weren't there or b.) he had already answered a million times over.

Today, I'm at the healthiest point in my life I've ever been mentally. I've become much more accepting and realistic. Men will look at attractive women, and personally, I think looking is okay. Where it becomes slightly painful for me is the thought of my SO fantasizing about other women during SEX. I couldn't take that, but let me break porn down for you, in my opinion.

-Men will enjoy porn. It's sex. They enjoy sex, so they enjoy porn.
-It doesn't mean he finds you ANY LESS ATTRACTIVE, for the most part. In some extreme situations, that may be the case, but in mine and yours, I don't think it is. It's a masturbatory aid, plain and simple. His desire for one will not decrease his desire for the other, and when it does, THAT'S when it becomes a problem.

Now, I can't say I am 100% ready for him to watch video porn again, BUT, I don't mind him looking at pictures of naked women anymore. I'm honestly thinking that maybe my problems with porn NOW are because I don't find it stimulating. It seems way too cold and callous for my liking- pictures of beautiful women are different in my opinion. Just giving you other viewpoints.

Well, that's it for MY rant. I don't know if it helped a lot, just yet another opinion!

Originally Posted by ChelseaRenee

You're welcome. I'm not a big fan on insensitivity, especially when it comes to something that's so intermingled with a persons self-esteem.

HOWEVER, regarding your problem. Like I said, men masturbate. You could make up any number of excuses or reasons (they have a higher sex drive, it's more acceptable for men to masturbate, society says men do it constantly, so in turn they DO) but the fact is, they just do. I just today after reading your thread asked my boyfriend about it, and his response was, "married or not, men will masturbate until their hands quit working". He doesn't even do it that often- 1, maybe 2 times a week. But he knows they pretty much all do.

But, he doesn't look at porn. I'll be the first to admit I've had my problems with it, and that was very much so a contributing factor to his stopping. My problems were with my own insecurities, ones which had nothing to do with him, but ones which he did his very best to help me with, which at the time, he decided included stopping watching porn.

Since then, I've come leaps and bounds. I'm feeling much, MUCH better about myself, though I can say that is solely due to MY work on MY problems with it. I have done a whoooole helluvalotta soul searching, and it's done wonders for our relationship, because I admit, I was pretty much a monster about the whole porn thing after the fact for a few months. I had a terrible habit of bringing it up a lot, far after he stopped, and for no apparent reason other than I wanted answers and explanations that either a.) weren't there or b.) he had already answered a million times over.

Today, I'm at the healthiest point in my life I've ever been mentally. I've become much more accepting and realistic. Men will look at attractive women, and personally, I think looking is okay. Where it becomes slightly painful for me is the thought of my SO fantasizing about other women during SEX. I couldn't take that, but let me break porn down for you, in my opinion.

-Men will enjoy porn. It's sex. They enjoy sex, so they enjoy porn.
-It doesn't mean he finds you ANY LESS ATTRACTIVE, for the most part. In some extreme situations, that may be the case, but in mine and yours, I don't think it is. It's a masturbatory aid, plain and simple. His desire for one will not decrease his desire for the other, and when it does, THAT'S when it becomes a problem.

Now, I can't say I am 100% ready for him to watch video porn again, BUT, I don't mind him looking at pictures of naked women anymore. I'm honestly thinking that maybe my problems with porn NOW are because I don't find it stimulating. It seems way too cold and callous for my liking- pictures of beautiful women are different in my opinion. Just giving you other viewpoints.

Well, that's it for MY rant. I don't know if it helped a lot, just yet another opinion!

ChealseRenee i've got to thank you for posting your message and opinion...its for this reason that today i decided to go on this website and try to talk to other about it.
i appreciate that you shared your experience with me, which also helps.
i've got some dumb questions for you but they will maybe help me figure out and understand my situation too..
When i talked to my husband about the porn/masturbation thing...he was very embarrassed about it..he says it doesnt do it that often and i can believe that b/c majority of the time i am around and our schedules for the past few months have been similar.however a few nights ago he was up later then usual and i know thats when he decided to do so.
My question to you is..u said you have a problem with porn..in a way i do too..i am open to a lot of things but i think that certain type of porn and certain types of women in porn thy really beget worse situations and mentality..no matter what people think.
If your boyfriend does admit to masturbating(as my husband finally did ..)does he not need the porn to do it or is it personal b/w you both
im sorry if im being too personal/or asking something too personal but i really need to understand everythingl
My husband claimed the only reason he looked * some porn online was b/c it was a "means to an end" that he was going to masturbate..(wanted to relieve tension, to relax and be able to fall asleep--apparently he wasnt tired...he was working nights for a while) anyway..point is thts what my husband claims that he doesnt like the people in the movies/porn or finds them attractive but only watched it for the visual-stimulatory effects..
but im not sure how much to believe it.
i really really reallyyy UNDERSTAND where your coming from about issues and situations and soul searching..believe me i've done that and been in the same situatoin as you...
I agree there is beauty out there to be admired and i dont mind it but there is a fine line b/w that and then porn and that addiction and how do i know he's not thinkig of one of the nasty slluts( sorry) on the porn when he is with me intimatly...that kidn of stuff really really bothers me.
So i can tottalyyyy understand all taht your saying about your issues and problems with porn an di tottaly agree with you.

Im not 100% ready for anythign but i did offer to my husband that look if you want we can watch somethign together..some soft nothing crazy....but i can watch it with u if ur into that(i've heard from othe women that i can spice up something) ...maybe once or twice..but he ays hes not watching it to 'watch it'..its b/c he is masturbating to it..

im not sure if im makin any sense to you...hope you dont think im crazy...I just really needed someone to talk to and its not something im comfortable talking to anyone else about(other females...sisters best friends etc)..

I see what you mean that his desire for one(me) will not decrease or the desire to watch porn will not increase but i worry b/c there are men out there that are addicted to it and i know eventually then men dont find their own wives attractive..Maybe im putting too much of a judgement on it....but for a guy its easier to orgasm then a woman....so i dont get why he wouldnt just come to me ...do u see what i mean?

My husband claims it all goes back to adolesence for a lot of males and the masturbating thing but then when does it stop u know? how does it stop? fien you want to masturbate, i cant control him and dont want to..but then the other things that come into thesituation such as porn and him looking * other females in the porn/videos and getting a sexual response to it..it realy hurts me and i dont get it....
then we as females do feel inedaquate...

i just dont get it..

sorry to blab on but i hope u see what im getting at maybe you can give me some insight or ask your boyfriend from a male's point of view..i've exhausted this issue with my husband last night and in the end ifelt like a bad person liek a evil witch(hahah)...--as youhad said...but i reall was a monster about it to him b/c i couldnt handle it and i couldn treat it as a joke or something small..u know...and in the end my husband made me feel tht he is "embarrased about it' and is dealing with it..only does it once in a while few times a month(as ur boyfriend) but i dont get the freakin porn equation...it really bothers me...

Let me know if you have any thoughts, insight or any comments..

thank you for reading all of this and for your help...

God bless u.