Affairs of the heart

reesecup · 11-01-2007, 07:02 PM

Is it possible to love two men at the same time? And not just love them, but be in love with them? Is it possible to be married and love someone more than you love your husband? For that man to set your soul on fire, to ignite your passion, to be your all and all...to go to bed thinking about them and rise in the morning can't wait to see them again? Can you have all of that and still be in love with your husband? What do you do when those feelings take over you? What do you do when the other person feels the same way...yet both of you are married?

**rcoreyus** · 11-01-2007, 11:33 PM

YES, but in most cases it is illusion. You see your friends only under good conditions, when they are healthy, when you are doing fun things together. You see your husband sometimes when you or he is sick, or you are doing the laundry, or some other unpleasant chores.

I have felt this - there have been 3 different women over the last 20 years that I felt I would prefer to my spouse. They were fun, exciting, new. I spent 2 full days with one on a business trip (nothing inappropriate happend BTW), and by the end I felt I should have married her - but it wasn't real. If I got divorced and married one of these women, in a short time (months probably) their annoying habits would have gotten to me, and mine to them. Life would no longer be an exciting adventure, there would still be chores to do, bills to pay, etc. I am fortunate - there is some part of my brain (the religious would call it a guardian angel) that kicks in before I do something really ******. So far it has always saved me from temptation. I (very nicely) turned down one offer that most of me desperatly wanted to accept.

In my case my wife almost never sleeps with me, so I have an added incentive - but still I know the others were a mirage, a daydream.

I don't know your situation, don't know if you love your husband and he loves you. But please let your head help reign in your heart on this one. If you have a happy marriage, don't throw it away for a fantasy.

If your marriage is not happy, if you do not love your husband, or he does not love you, then you must think. You did swear an oath to be with him through better or for worse. Then you must choose between your happiness and your honor.

**inquisitive1** · 11-02-2007, 12:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

YES, but in most cases it is illusion. You see your friends only under good conditions, when they are healthy, when you are doing fun things together. You see your husband sometimes when you or he is sick, or you are doing the laundry, or some other unpleasant chores.

I have felt this - there have been 3 different women over the last 20 years that I felt I would prefer to my spouse. They were fun, exciting, new. I spent 2 full days with one on a business trip (nothing inappropriate happend BTW), and by the end I felt I should have married her - but it wasn't real. If I got divorced and married one of these women, in a short time (months probably) their annoying habits would have gotten to me, and mine to them. Life would no longer be an exciting adventure, there would still be chores to do, bills to pay, etc. I am fortunate - there is some part of my brain (the religious would call it a guardian angel) that kicks in before I do something really ******. So far it has always saved me from temptation. I (very nicely) turned down one offer that most of me desperatly wanted to accept.

In my case my wife almost never sleeps with me, so I have an added incentive - but still I know the others were a mirage, a daydream.

I don't know your situation, don't know if you love your husband and he loves you. But please let your head help reign in your heart on this one. If you have a happy marriage, don't throw it away for a fantasy.

If your marriage is not happy, if you do not love your husband, or he does not love you, then you must think. You did swear an oath to be with him through better or for worse. Then you must choose between your happiness and your honor.

Although my circumstances are different than Rcoreyus' I stand with him on the message in this post. The grass is not always greener on the other side. You have made a commitment and you would probably really regret letting this situation go too far. If you truely want to be with this other man....then I submit to you not to open new business before the old business is resolved. I must caution you however....it may not be all it's cracked up to be once you get it if you choose that path. Take care.

**anonymouswhitefemale** · 11-02-2007, 09:03 PM

Personally, if there was no children, I have to say I'd call it a day... It seems to me like you're being with your husband for the sake of it, and that's not good for anyone.

Life is for the living.

11-01-2007, 07:02 PM	#1
reesecup Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 22	Affairs of the heart Is it possible to love two men at the same time? And not just love them, but be in love with them? Is it possible to be married and love someone more than you love your husband? For that man to set your soul on fire, to ignite your passion, to be your all and all...to go to bed thinking about them and rise in the morning can't wait to see them again? Can you have all of that and still be in love with your husband? What do you do when those feelings take over you? What do you do when the other person feels the same way...yet both of you are married?

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11-01-2007, 11:33 PM	#2
rcoreyus March 2008 "Poster of the Month" Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: SF bay area Posts: 1,334	YES, but in most cases it is illusion. You see your friends only under good conditions, when they are healthy, when you are doing fun things together. You see your husband sometimes when you or he is sick, or you are doing the laundry, or some other unpleasant chores. I have felt this - there have been 3 different women over the last 20 years that I felt I would prefer to my spouse. They were fun, exciting, new. I spent 2 full days with one on a business trip (nothing inappropriate happend BTW), and by the end I felt I should have married her - but it wasn't real. If I got divorced and married one of these women, in a short time (months probably) their annoying habits would have gotten to me, and mine to them. Life would no longer be an exciting adventure, there would still be chores to do, bills to pay, etc. I am fortunate - there is some part of my brain (the religious would call it a guardian angel) that kicks in before I do something really ******. So far it has always saved me from temptation. I (very nicely) turned down one offer that most of me desperatly wanted to accept. In my case my wife almost never sleeps with me, so I have an added incentive - but still I know the others were a mirage, a daydream. I don't know your situation, don't know if you love your husband and he loves you. But please let your head help reign in your heart on this one. If you have a happy marriage, don't throw it away for a fantasy. If your marriage is not happy, if you do not love your husband, or he does not love you, then you must think. You did swear an oath to be with him through better or for worse. Then you must choose between your happiness and your honor.

11-02-2007, 09:03 PM	#4
anonymouswhitefemale May 2008 "Poster of the Month" Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 1,419 Blog Entries: 2	Personally, if there was no children, I have to say I'd call it a day... It seems to me like you're being with your husband for the sake of it, and that's not good for anyone. Life is for the living.