Thread: Husbands Excuse for Watching Porn

Originally Posted by Fallen1

True. We all want honesty and communication in our relationships. If we were to have that kind of reaction (disgust) to something our partners said I believe that it would only discourage them to communicate with us in the future.

It is a tough question though. How should you respond if your spouse suggests something you really do find objectionable? I've never been in that situation because the list of things I will accept in other people is much broader than what I will do myself - but it could happen.

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

It is a tough question though. How should you respond if your spouse suggests something you really do find objectionable? I've never been in that situation because the list of things I will accept in other people is much broader than what I will do myself - but it could happen.

Well ... I guess it somewhat depends on whether the suggestion is just the sharing of a mere fantasy or if it is something that they are wanting to actually participate in. If it's something you disapprove of or not interested in I would say try to answer it in a tactful way that doesn't make your s/o feel belittled.

My s/o and I have had long conversations about fantasies and so far there hasn't been much that either of us are interested in that the other isn't. I guess we're lucky in that aspect.

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

It is a tough question though. How should you respond if your spouse suggests something you really do find objectionable? I've never been in that situation because the list of things I will accept in other people is much broader than what I will do myself - but it could happen.

If two people are in lust for each other they never let it get away. Boredom causes looking around. Flirting with your partner and from the start feeling him up and never stopping the things that got you here are the hot things to keep it alive. Waking him up in the middle of the night naked and attacking him. Writing a note in his wallet or pocket telling him how you are going to do him. Wearing no underwear or bra to get him started. Making love to him instead of his coming on to you and dirty talking.....I just love it.....Now I think I had better get to bed because I have some hot plans for the morning......Kept Eric in his drawer tonight......Lord I wanted that vib but not tonight Eric......TC, C

Originally Posted by sourpuss

I have no problem with masterbation....and porn to an extent. But there comes a breaking point where it effects the relationship. My current relationship has completely fizzled out because my guy watched so much porn and spent so much time fantasizing/talking with other women online that he could no longer enjoy sex with me. (or perform for the matter).
I had perfectly normal self esteem until this relationship. But his constant pursuing of other woman and other means of satisfying himself made me feel, for the first time in my life, completely inadequate.

So at what point is it ok and not ok for a guy to fantasize and please his own needs. I feel like my relationship got to that point because I tried for a long time to be open-minded about it.

I always thought the women on here complaining about their husbands and boyfriends porn and masterbation just needed to lighten up, but now I can kind of see where they are coming from.

That's a hard one to answer and probably there really isn't an answer that will work in every situation.

Originally Posted by ChelseaRenee

and I'll respond to it all tomorrow

Yeah, I didn't think your attitude was at all manly :P


Just wondering, did you think of any way to respond?

Originally Posted by anonymouswhitefemale

At least you don't think he never even looks at another woman.


Okay, if you rewind, say 10,000 years - which is a blink of an eye evolutionarily speaking (insufficient time for any significant change), the world was exactly the way our programming has prepared us for. We didn't have society feeding and protecting us, nor were the lifespans and death rate anything like they are now. Humans as we know it have not evolved recently (since the change), as there has been no time. The only thing that we have developed is the ability to control objects around us. That doesn't change the configuration of our synapes or hormone levels or anything else like that. We are still over 99% of what we were when we were spreading our seed in the hope our tribe may yet live on. And as for your point on hunting, of course we haven't been able to get rid of that genetic trait... Why do you think men fight so much and seek trilling events, play sport etc etc.

I'm sorry, but I'm absolutely unwilling to accept that we have physically evolved in as short term as you are thinking. So you may be tired of the "it's our genetic programming" excuse, but even if you are tired of an answer it can still be the truth.




It is of course, a belittling feeling to know that we are so controlled by what and who we are. It is, however, the truth. We are all undeniable constructs of our genetic code and our upbringing and influnces. We follow a formula. We think we are free, but what we are not free from is ourselves, and we overestimate our ability to act outside of the confines of our already existing behavioural patterns (and how about the fact that we make decisions half a second before we realise we actually make a decision!). For example, a woman who is taught sex is evil when she's a kid will likely grow up fantasing about being raped, as she wants the choice of sex to be made for her, so she doesn't feel guilty about it. She thinks this is her choice. It is not. I also call your attention to a birth defect where instead of XX for female and XY for male, a child can be born XYY. People and animals with this condition are uncontrollably violent and sexual. We ARE the product of our components. We could spend all of our effort fighting what we ourselves are, but in my opinion that isn't a good way to live. I think to have the best shot at happiness you have to acknowledge what you are.


You're a man? I didn't think you were.....................
Our habits are innate to us. A lot more so than you think. SOME men will stop that, mainly old or religious types. The exception that proves the rule, so to speak.


Okay, and this is where the ego massaging comes into play. Without a HEAVY emotional bond, and probably an older person, or a VERY VERY VERY beautiful woman, that just isn't going to be the case. We do our best to make you think it is, but the sad truth is that it is not. So in my eyes, it comes down to turning your back on the genes you were born with, in order to bow down to someone elses opinion and massage their self esteem.



And seperately, in regard to opening up about sexual desires, women are far more judgemental, it's like playing russian roulette.

Yeah, I'm a girly girl. And while I did read all of this, I think we're just going to have to agree to disagree on most points. I think we both make valid points, but if I were to sit here and respond to everything, we'd go round and round for ages. I still don't think our genetics should be used as any kind of excuse for behavior that's hurtful to another, especially since it's a useless one now. You know how our bodies have outgrown the use of our gallbladders? So have men outgrown the need to sperminate tons of women. What a darn cop out. It has nothing to do with, "Oh, we can not deny what we are! Rawr rawr blah blah." It's tired. Of course it can be controlled. Men look at porn and fantasize about other woman because they choose to, not because it's a necessity. Case closed.

As for so called "ego stroking"...So what? It is not, it's about respect. Turning your back on your genes...What a silly *$$ way to put it. What's more important, the feelings of your significant other and how she'll feel about you once she finds out she's not QUITE enough, or an ancient genetic disposition to want many women that is COMPLETELY useless in today's day and age, except to justify possibly hurtful behaviour?

Originally Posted by ChelseaRenee

Yeah, I'm a girly girl. And while I did read all of this, I think we're just going to have to agree to disagree on most points. I think we both make valid points, but if I were to sit here and respond to everything, we'd go round and round for ages. I still don't think our genetics should be used as any kind of excuse for behavior that's hurtful to another, especially since it's a useless one now. You know how our bodies have outgrown the use of our gallbladders? So have men outgrown the need to sperminate tons of women. What a darn cop out. It has nothing to do with, "Oh, we can not deny what we are! Rawr rawr blah blah." It's tired. Of course it can be controlled. Men look at porn and fantasize about other woman because they choose to, not because it's a necessity. Case closed.

Let me draw a comparison. In our current society, today, we are swiftly approaching the point of overpopulation, which will damage everyone, and the planet itself. The very instinct to reproduce at all is defunct, at the moment. Getting broody and having a kid is an instinct which can
be controlled, so why do you do it? If your partner never wants a kid I'm guessing you're going to go elsewhere (understandably), which isn't putting your SO first. That is an instinctual drive, and one which is currently useless, though it doesn't mean it changes your biological imperitives. But of course, you choose to have a baby, so that doesn't mean it's inspired by your DNA...[/quote]

Originally Posted by ChelseaRenee

As for so called "ego stroking"...So what? It is not, it's about respect. Turning your back on your genes...What a silly *$$ way to put it. What's more important, the feelings of your significant other and how she'll feel about you once she finds out she's not QUITE enough, or an ancient genetic disposition to want many women that is COMPLETELY useless in today's day and age, except to justify possibly hurtful behaviour?

Remember, this is just about what goes on in the sanctity of ones own mind, fantasy and such. You cannot say that women never fantasize about Brad Pitt or whatever, it's the human condition to always want that little bit more and seeking perfection. Also, what if I said I needed to be respected by being given a BJ twice a day? That's likely not going to happen.


A relationship in which neither member EVER thinks about having sex with someone else is rarer than a four leafed clover.



Quite possibly we shouldn't be like this, but take a look around the world, we see greed, war, extortion, violence, manipulation etc etc. We are not perfect beings. We are not what we can theorize what we are, we are what we are.


But yeah, it seems like we're going to completely disagree on this one, since I don't believe that every man alive (and woman) is effectively the buddah.