Thread: Porn and Masterbation ... the Male Perspective

I've read through several threads on here and decided to bring another viewpoint to the table.

There seems to be a wealth of ladies here that are worried that the health of their relationship is suffering because of their s/o partaking in porn and masturbation. There also seems to be a small male contingent here that seems to think that every case is "women's insecurity" plain and simple.

Yes, the large majority of men masturbate whether married or not ... sometimes it can unfortunately end up being his only outlet if he doesn't cheat (or at least through his eyes). There are many reasons a man might masturbate on occasion as opposed to seeking the arms of his lover, some of which have been stated before. (disatisfied, frustrated, ect ..)

Another possibility would be that a man feels the need for a release from built up stress, anxiety, mild depression, ect ... and feels that 1. it's not fair to his s/o to use her as a "means to an end" or 2. simply doesn't feel up to putting forth the effort of true love making ...

I'm not saying this is right or wrong but it is another possibility and it does happen. I'd also wager that the above accounts for far more than the dissatisfied, cheating, insecure with himself, ect.. reasoning I've seen previously posted.

IMO, masturbation is normal and unless it is causing true harm to the relationship (i.e. neglect, hard feelings, ect..) shouldn't be looked at negatively by simple default.

As for porn, this is a much "hairier" subject and depends a great deal on those involved.

As with masturbation, a great majority of men look at porn to some extent. The question seems to be "is it ok?" and "how much is to much?"

In some cases, porn can honestly bring something new and fun into a relationship that perhaps has gotten a little "stale" in the bedroom, on the other hand if some one obsesses over it to the point of neglecting their s/o it can and often does cause serious detriment to an otherwise healthy and nurturing relationship.

It is because of this that I see the "it's women's problem, women just being insecure" comments that often come up as little more than a cop-out.

Outside of religious/moral objection, I truly feel that there's little cause for alarm if it turns out your s/o watches porn .. especially if the sexual relationship is (otherwise) healthy and rewarding. It is when one or the other falls into neglect that there should be cause for concern, but even then it's not necessarily just "porn" that's the root of the problem. More than likely there are other factors coming into play.

I'll pause here for response before I ramble on.

Originally Posted by libertas

I've read through several threads on here and decided to bring another viewpoint to the table.

There seems to be a wealth of ladies here that are worried that the health of their relationship is suffering because of their s/o partaking in porn and masturbation. There also seems to be a small male contingent here that seems to think that every case is "women's insecurity" plain and simple.

Yes, the large majority of men masturbate whether married or not ... sometimes it can unfortunately end up being his only outlet if he doesn't cheat (or at least through his eyes). There are many reasons a man might masturbate on occasion as opposed to seeking the arms of his lover, some of which have been stated before. (disatisfied, frustrated, ect ..)

Another possibility would be that a man feels the need for a release from built up stress, anxiety, mild depression, ect ... and feels that 1. it's not fair to his s/o to use her as a "means to an end" or 2. simply doesn't feel up to putting forth the effort of true love making ...

I'm not saying this is right or wrong but it is another possibility and it does happen. I'd also wager that the above accounts for far more than the dissatisfied, cheating, insecure with himself, ect.. reasoning I've seen previously posted.

IMO, masturbation is normal and unless it is causing true harm to the relationship (i.e. neglect, hard feelings, ect..) shouldn't be looked at negatively by simple default.

As for porn, this is a much "hairier" subject and depends a great deal on those involved.

As with masturbation, a great majority of men look at porn to some extent. The question seems to be "is it ok?" and "how much is to much?"

In some cases, porn can honestly bring something new and fun into a relationship that perhaps has gotten a little "stale" in the bedroom, on the other hand if some one obsesses over it to the point of neglecting their s/o it can and often does cause serious detriment to an otherwise healthy and nurturing relationship.

It is because of this that I see the "it's women's problem, women just being insecure" comments that often come up as little more than a cop-out.

Outside of religious/moral objection, I truly feel that there's little cause for alarm if it turns out your s/o watches porn .. especially if the sexual relationship is (otherwise) healthy and rewarding. It is when one or the other falls into neglect that there should be cause for concern, but even then it's not necessarily just "porn" that's the root of the problem. More than likely there are other factors coming into play.

I'll pause here for response before I ramble on.

I agree with you on most points! I feel masturbation is totally normal and healthy, and there's no reason not to unless you're neglecting your spouse. My bigger issue has always been the porn one. You're right, it IS a much more difficult one, as you won't find too many women up in arms over their husbands masturbation (unless it's in place of sex with them), but porn is a whole other issue, and I respect you SO MUCH for realizing that the "it's a woman's problem" excuse is a major, cowardly cop out. Yes, to some relationship's porn can be beneficial, but to other's it's just completely detrimental, and a lot of men here seem to completely see that as a fault of the spouse uncomfortable with porn use. Oh, what sensitive men we have here!

Hey there, I am one of those that worry about my relationship with my soon to be husband and how much he watches porn. Yes I am an insecure person cause of alot of things that had happened in the past. I don't know why he would want to do that? We have a prefect relationship I am open and trustworthy but for some reason he wants to go behind my back and look at porn. I don't know why he would want to do that I bend over backwards to make him happy and we have a good sex relationship on top of that. It makes me feel like I am not doing my job in the sex part if he has to go and do that. I know that I am not the prettest person. I don't know if I am disatisfing him or what is going on. We just moved in together a while ago and sence then our sex life as died down alot. I don't know why but he doesn't seem that interested in me and more interested in the porn. I don't know why?
I know that masturbation is normal with guys and all of that but why can't they just take the time to make love and get closer to the female in there life other then just doing it there self? I mean at times I am so willing and I throw myself at him then he pushes me away from him. And I will look at his computer and I seen that he looks at so much porn and that is about it. I kid him about it but it really hurts me so much. It makes me feel like he doesn't want me any more. I am to the point where I think that I should just give him his ring back and move on sence he wants his porn and I am not doing my part it seems like. It hurts so bad. I am confused and don't know what to do anymore and I am dieing for someone to give me advice on this matter.

Thanks whoever wants to help and I don't care how hard you make it sounds and you can ask anything in the book I will answer.

Thanks,
Jessica

I wasn't going to post here till I read the last post, I've been posting the same stuff in these threads over and over for a while now.

I guess I fall into the realm of the "cowardly cop out" brigade.



Anyway, if you have a good relationship, and he is still interested in you sexually, then you don't have anything to worry about. It's perfectly natural, and in opposition to what most women say here it doesn't make him a scum bag who cares nothing for you. There are a massive wealth of reasons he's indulging himself, one of the large ones being that if he wants release, and it's proven to be a massive effort with a lot of chance for frustration seducing you (being denied, strung along then denied, if he thinks you aren't really up for it) then he's going to take the easy option.

Make the effort to be sexual with him and make sure that you enjoy it. Spice things up a bit. Also bear in mind that his sex drive probably exceeds yours so he's using porn/masturbation as excess relief. Men don't want relationships with the women they see on-screen .

As far as the masturbation/porn divide, if you take the porn away you still have just as bad stuff going on in the imagination stakes, it's just that you have nothing tangible to complain about.


I wish you luck.

Originally Posted by libertas

I've read through several threads on here and decided to bring another viewpoint to the table....

Well, sure. I think your feelings are those of the rest of the men on this site that have voiced their opinion here on this topic. You had a more sensitive outlook on it then some, and that is nice. I know it is natural to masturbate. The porn may be the bigger issue for me, in the end. I like watching it with him, but think it is not comfortable for me if he watches it alone to masturbate when I am not around.
I also think too much porn desensitizes him from straight sex without porn...It's a theory I am looking at.

Are you okay with him masturbating when you aren't there?


How can you know what's going on in his head when he does?


Porn is only the manifestation of a character trait you despise and cannot understand. It's also pretty standard for the gender.

Originally Posted by anonymouswhitefemale

Are you okay with him masturbating when you aren't there?


How can you know what's going on in his head when he does?


Porn is only the manifestation of a character trait you despise and cannot understand. It's also pretty standard for the gender.

I know you get very emotional, but try to read what is really there when I type a message...not what you think is there. I said my BF and I watching together is fine, good....him watching alone, I get jealous. Seems simple. Yes, I am self-centered. No doubt. I want to be part of his sex life....and I feel left out. I get that you think that men are entitled to that time alone and fantasies. I get it.

Personally, it doesn't mean a lot to me what a load of strangers think about something, so please don't think I'm getting emotional. I'm not snarling behind this keyboard, I'm just debating, without feeling the need to be lovey dovey about it.


I was merely trying to point out that unless you police what your man thinks, porn and masturbation are one and the same.