Thread: It hurts it hurts she said

Well last night my wife and I did have sex but it had been a long time.All the while she is wincing and saying how much it hurts.We don't do doggie that hurts now face to face hurts. It is concerning because she is not enjoying it one bit and cannot wait until I am done.She said I am squishing her when I am fully supporting myself with both arms and legs so only the pelvises are in contact.Does anyone think that this pain is truely physical or is there more to think is happening.I am only a 190 lb guy but you may think i weigh 300lbs. I am beginning to think the emotional side of things for her are the real cause of this pain.I offer all kinds of foreplay and try different stuff to get things going but no-go she would rather have it finished before they get started.I am not selfish and am not complaining I just want her to enjoy what i would have to offer and also for us to enjoy sex together.
I felt guilty last night because she ran out immediatly and went to the bathroom.I wondered if she was crying. If I could talk about what goes on because of this people here would think I am koko.

Oh, no. That's terrible for both of you.
My immediate concern is that you didn't stop when she said it hurt. But knowing that you're frustrated with your sex life, it's easier to understand. However, you shouldn't be hurting her. Perhaps that's her way of telling you she doesn't want it. It's not difficult, especially during sex, to trick yourself into feeling pain if you're just not into it.
From my perspective, I've had a lot of trouble with pain during intercourse and lots of it has been psychological. It doesn't matter the amount or variance of foreplay, if I'm not "in the mood yet" or if to me it's still not enough foreplay, I'm not ready and it's going to hurt. If your wife is trying to block you from sex, trying to hint to you that she just doesn't want it anymore, it would be easy for her body NEVER to be ready and for EVERYTHING to hurt.
The worst thing you can do is treat her with skepticism. I realize you're frustrated, but if she doesn't want sex and you force it, that's akin to rape. You're at the point now that counseling didn't work and you have to decide how important your sex life is compared to your marriage.

Sounds quite psychological to me... Probably. She just doesn't like/want to have sex any more. At all. Even if she does conciously, she's got some little subconcious devil at work.

Ask her how she feels about you still being her wife but sleeping with other women?

Could he have a medical problem. Fibroids maybe? I know it is difficult to discuss with her, but please try to find out where it hurts.

My wife has fibroids - we need to be careful of what positions to use - on the rare occasions when we do have sex.

But even if your wife has a problem like that, there are a lot of things to do with you lover other than intercourse.

Originally Posted by anonymouswhitefemale

Sounds quite psychological to me... Probably. She just doesn't like/want to have sex any more. At all. Even if she does conciously, she's got some little subconcious devil at work.

Ask her how she feels about you still being her wife but sleeping with other women?

asking that question would only make things worse. why in the world would he even ask something like that?? this woman obviously is in emotional distress..saying something like that is only going to make her self esteem lower than what it already is.

Maybe so, but you can't expect your partner to be chaste, for what will become years can you?

Originally Posted by anonymouswhitefemale

Maybe so, but you can't expect your partner to be chaste, for what will become years can you?

Selfish people are so willing to take the easy way out.

That is her husband, he is supposed to be there for better or for worse..this is a time where she needs him more than ever.

I guess if your s/o was to get into a car accident and no longer have the physical ability to have sexual intercourse, you'd probably bail out on that person..

Not that this is an argument that I think is equal, but:

Should an abused wife stay with her husband simply because she said in a church that she would?

Sex is a part of a relationship, and there is considerable strain and damage when it isn't fulfilled. If she wants a friend, then maybe she should get a friend... Obviously that's completely callous, but she's convinced herself she doesn't want sex and that her partner shouldn't have it either...

Originally Posted by anonymouswhitefemale

Ask her how she feels about you still being her wife but sleeping with other women?

I totally understand what you are trying to say as far as the lack of physical contact causing major frustration .... I've been there a time or two myself .


BUT, say it is a psychological issue, in my opinion this approach will do nothing more than cause it to worsen and therefore backfire. Other approaches would be a better bet in this case. I do think however it is wise to be truthful and discuss it in a tactful way as to how this particular situation could lead to straying.

Originally Posted by anonymouswhitefemale

Not that this is an argument that I think is equal, but:

Should an abused wife stay with her husband simply because she said in a church that she would?

Sex is a part of a relationship, and there is considerable strain and damage when it isn't fulfilled. If she wants a friend, then maybe she should get a friend... Obviously that's completely callous, but she's convinced herself she doesn't want sex and that her partner shouldn't have it either...

His wife didn't ask for this to happen to her. She is having pain during sex. As a result of the pain it is affecting her emotionally. If something hurts you you don't want to do it over and over again. I hope that her problem is treatable. And there are other things to do besides penetration..

And just because someone has a sexual dysfunction does not mean they need a "friend" they deserve to be in a loving and satisfying sexual relationship just as much as a woman who finds sex highly pleasureable and is very orgasmic.