Thread: Men's thinking/Women's thinking

Originally Posted by CarolineWH

Yet saying this I have also seen some gorgeous men with an over weight sexual wife or unattractive woman and cling to her. Looks are only skin deep.

A absolutely agree that "beauty" isn't a limiting factor, you could still fall in love with someone butt ugly. Which is more likely if you yourself are ugly, as you subconciously account for your price range... It is however, a quality which no man would shake a stick at, and would certainly boost sexual proceedings.

Originally Posted by SaraSmile

Wrote a lengthy response and it got totally lost and I got an error page! Very frustrating.

The next time this happens, hit the back button, and often your browser will have stored the text that you had written on the previous page.

Originally Posted by SaraSmile

I am not inhibited, but when in a relationship, I tend to forget about solo sex and it's place in my life. I guess it's a good thing. It does feel good.

I am, believe it or not, quite jealous. There must be a settling satisfaction that comes with that. It's like living somewhere, loving it, and being completely contented to stay there, as opposed to a traveller, who lives in the same lovely place, but still dreams of travelling the roads, and seeing the world. Itchy feet. The.... primal instinct.

Originally Posted by SaraSmile

I do worry about my SO getting addicted to porn though....sometimes I think he gets desensitized. Regular sex may not be as stimulating without porn....

No doubt in mind that porn can and does desensitize you, just like when you're naive seeing a topless girl will desensitize you slightly to the next one you see, and so on and so forth. Leading to constanty stronger titilation, etc. I don't think it would necessarily be that your partner wants to watch porn while he has sex (he may, though), but that he might want to introduce added aspects which arouse him which has experienced.

Originally Posted by SaraSmile

I wonder if my SO would really want the women he is fantasizing about. I guess he would on some level.

Well, there is a large difference between physical lust and true desire. He would want her on a sexual level, definately, in a society and place where it would harm the person that he cared about. If there were no negative ramifications in society to this, he probably would. However, they weigh up what they want most, and a lasting relationship with their partner is more important to them.

Originally Posted by CarolineWH

I think all the men that are posting at this Forum are very knowledgeable. They are honest in their opinions yet are forthright and let us know what their thinking is. This is not easy to do on a Female Forum yet they walk this tight line.

It's a line I cross, anyway . But all in good faith.

Originally Posted by SaraSmile

I have thought some fairly unattractive men (not ugly...just plainer) have been very sexy because of their personality or their actions! Men are more into the perfection thing....physical perfection, IMO.

This is also completely true for men, but possibly on a slightly different level. When I hear the trash that comes out of some womens mouths, after desparing quietly to myself, you are left with practically nil of their previous attraction. However, if after that you were presented soley with the act of sex, no socialising or respect required, it wouldn't stop us (our morals might, but not her dumbness). The dumbness would however ensure that a respectful/sincere relationship couldn't be achieved.

Originally Posted by SaraSmile

Fleeting thoughts and fantasies are understandable to me but when it comes to the point of really wanting the woman/women that are fantasized about this is where I think the line is crossed.

I agree. And what I see as REALLY wanting the woman is an attraction that isn't purely sexual. If you start wanting someone for who they are, rather than fantasizing about their body, then it's dodgy waters.

Originally Posted by sourpuss

I agree, although the cynic in me thinks that this (in most cases) is inevitable.

In my opinion, this is completely false. It is in no way inevitable. A person and a sexual abstraction of said person are two completely different things. Although it might be tricky if that person is interlinked in your lives.

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

I consider fantasy and reality to be completely separate. In answer to the first post, I would not mind at all anything my SO fantasized about. I would hope she would not mind my fantasies. This includes even illegal and far-out stuff. To me fantasy is fantasy, and completely blameless.

I couldn't agree more. In a book I like, a futuristic society is described with no concept of ownership and posessions. All information is also available to all, with the strict exception of a creatures thoughts and experiences. Rings pretty true to me. Stay out of our minds! We are our actions not our thoughts!

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

I am attracted by things other than physical beauty. This often confuses my wife, who sometimes asks what actresses I think are attractive. I can't answer - there are characters in movies that are attractive because of their behavior, but it isn't just or even mostly appearance.

Agreed again. For example, I like a strong woman. Not physically, but isn't afraid to make her presence known to the world. For example, I am relatively knowledgeable and I like to debate, and am probably quite forceful with it, and a woman who has the balls to take me on earns my respect (and turns me on <_< ).

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Something I will add, is a situation which I find myself in which troubles me slightly. I don't lie, and I'm not good at sugarcoating the truth. When my partner is telling me that she only ever thinks of me, sexually, and that I'm perfect and stuff, I don't know what to say. So I say nothing... or what I do say seems lame in comparison. I know this means I'm being an arsehole, but I can't really lie. I'd feel like even more of an arsehole, like someone who tells someone they love them to get into their pants.

I also think that she says this because she's slightly uncomfortable with herself at the moment, and she's put on a little weight. (regardless of that, I would be thinking about other women anyway, I've been doing it for 12 years, it's not going to turn off in a flash).

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

Wow, don't read for half a day, and there are a dozen posts on this. Well, my thoughts:

I consider fantasy and reality to be completely separate. In answer to the first post, I would not mind at all anything my SO fantasized about. I would hope she would not mind my fantasies. This includes even illegal and far-out stuff. To me fantasy is fantasy, and completely blameless.

That said, I'd love to share my fantasies with my SO, and hers with me, but she is too shy for anything like that.

I will avoid sexual fantasies about any woman with whom I have a close professional relationship. I also turn off the part of my brain that recognizes attractive women at the work place. But - if another woman at the work place (who is not a direct report) flirts with me, I will flirt back. ( I actually quite enjoy flirting - but that is a different topic)

I am attracted by things other than physical beauty. This often confuses my wife, who sometimes asks what actresses I think are attractive. I can't answer - there are characters in movies that are attractive because of their behavior, but it isn't just or even mostly appearance.

Finally, I only masturbate when my wife is not available (sadly this is often). I've never had a desire to fantasize when making love to her. I don't know about other men, but I'd love to have her show me her rabbit and teach me to use it on her. We do use sex toys together, and I think that is a fine thing - but that is yet another thread.

You might find you would still maturbate even if your wife were available. Who knows. My SO does it for release or pleasure when I am not here, but I would be available in just 6-8 hours sometimes. So, it isn't that he can't wait. He doesn't want to wait and wants the solo experience, I guess.
Fantasies are okay, I guess.....but I prefer he'd have ones that don't involve a person in our real-lives. It just makes it less risky, as I said before. And I don't think he does fantasize about anyone *real*, at least most of the time. I can't think of anything illegal I would do even as a fantasy.....but I guess if it were *only* a fantasy, than that would be okay. Even adultery is illegal, technically.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SaraSmile Fleeting thoughts and fantasies are understandable to me but when it comes to the point of really wanting the woman/women that are fantasized about this is where I think the line is crossed.

Quote Anonymouswhitefemale:
I agree. And what I see as REALLY wanting the woman is an attraction that isn't purely sexual. If you start wanting someone for who they are, rather than fantasizing about their body, then it's dodgy waters.

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Hmm. Interesting. I suppose it could go either way. Someone could want to have sex only with someone they didn't have any desire of having a relationship with. Right? Especially if that person was willing and able. Now, a person would probably more likely have an affair...longer term or leave their SO for someone he/she had both a sexual attraction for and a real interest in.

Originally Posted by SaraSmile I am not inhibited, but when in a relationship, I tend to forget about solo sex and it's place in my life. I guess it's a good thing. It does feel good.

Quote anonymouswhitefemale:
I am, believe it or not, quite jealous. There must be a settling satisfaction that comes with that. It's like living somewhere, loving it, and being completely contented to stay there, as opposed to a traveller, who lives in the same lovely place, but still dreams of travelling the roads, and seeing the world. Itchy feet. The.... primal instinct.
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Yes, LOL. I was satisfied with it...but recently I became interested in solo again because my SO is so interested in it. The rabbit is nice.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SaraSmile I do worry about my SO getting addicted to porn though....sometimes I think he gets desensitized. Regular sex may not be as stimulating without porn....

Quote anonymouswhitefemale:
No doubt in mind that porn can and does desensitize you, just like when you're naive seeing a topless girl will desensitize you slightly to the next one you see, and so on and so forth. Leading to constanty stronger titilation, etc. I don't think it would necessarily be that your partner wants to watch porn while he has sex (he may, though), but that he might want to introduce added aspects which arouse him which has experienced.
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My SO does like to watch porn during sex at times *and* for solo sex. He doesn't want anything other than straight sex. He is a plain Jane (or Jim) that way.