Am I the only one NOT getting it?

**bellasmom** · 11-21-2007, 06:03 PM

This is embarassing, but my boyfriend refuses to go down on me. Absolutely refuses! I do everything he wants (and have for five years), but he says, "I just don't do it, thats all". I feel guilty for even asking, but I need to feel like my body is special to him and he desires to please me. I have read alot on here that says, "many women don't give BJ's". I do, but I think maybe I should stop until he gives in and pleasures me. I hate to give ultimatums, but I can't just go the rest of my life without it. He makes me feel like that area is gross on me or something, like it's good enough to play with but not taste. It bothers me so much that I don't even climax anymore from normal sex. What's weird is that every guy I've been with has been totally into it, so now I feel like maybe something's wrong with me (the look of it, or taste IDK). I know you're all saying TOO MUCH INFORMATION, so I'll stop. PLEASE HELP!

**rcoreyus** · 11-21-2007, 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bellasmom

This is embarassing, but my boyfriend refuses to go down on me. Absolutely refuses! I do everything he wants (and have for five years), but he says, "I just don't do it, thats all". I feel guilty for even asking, but I need to feel like my body is special to him and he desires to please me. I have read alot on here that says, "many women don't give BJ's". I do, but I think maybe I should stop until he gives in and pleasures me. I hate to give ultimatums, but I can't just go the rest of my life without it. He makes me feel like that area is gross on me or something, like it's good enough to play with but not taste. It bothers me so much that I don't even climax anymore from normal sex. What's weird is that every guy I've been with has been totally into it, so now I feel like maybe something's wrong with me (the look of it, or taste IDK). I know you're all saying TOO MUCH INFORMATION, so I'll stop. PLEASE HELP!

I know how you feel - except the genders are reversed. My wife loves me to do oral on her (which I enjoy as well), but won't do it for me.

I don't think "I won't, if you won't" sort of ultimatums will work - and it really isn't what you want in a relationship. Each partner should try to do what the other one likes. I wish I had a suggestion, but I don't - in the last 25 years, my wife has given me oral 4 times - none in the last 5 years. Its OK, in the big picture it really isn't all that important. Please don't let yourself fixate on this one thing, and not enjoy everything else you do together.

**Fallen1** · 11-21-2007, 08:07 PM

Three years ago I left my husband of 18 years. In that relationship he gave me oral one time and that was while we were dating. There are some guys that just do not do it, so I wouldn't take it as anything personal.

ConfusedGuy · 11-21-2007, 08:16 PM

This might sound insensitive but I promise it's not. Maybe he's bothered by the smell?

wallarookiller · 11-21-2007, 11:32 PM

It's hard to say why he doesn't want to do it. You should get into a real conversation about it with him even if he doesnt want to. Then at least you will know why he just doesn't do it.

**anonymouswhitefemale** · 11-22-2007, 07:32 AM

I'd stop giving the bjs... And say that you miss it and need it, and that so do most women, so wtf is he doing?

If you marry this guy and have his children, do you really want to never experience oral again?

I'm a guy, and I wouldn't carry on a relationship with a woman who thought bjs were degrading or something.

**Drewstraws** · 11-22-2007, 08:57 AM

You have been with the guy a long time. I would think this issue would have come up early in the relationship. You may have to find someone else. But only after a long serious talk with him. If you love him and he knows it he should be strong enough to do something he really hates doing. Is religion part of this? I would think by now, couples will at least do things once in a while to sustain their relationship. I am not talking about hanging on by a thread but a little can go a long way. It sometimes shows the level of intimacy and a good man or woman is hard to find. Overall how much do you think you value each other? Maybe for you, a little oral now and then would mean the world to you. If you need it all the the time, he may have to go and it was a bad match. I wish you luck on this one.

**dr.mansview** · 11-22-2007, 07:18 PM

just tell him straight out that you WILL NOT be offended, but that you want the truth..tell him you can't help with the solution if you don't know the problem..keep calm and don't get defensive or you're back to square one..

**Mourningman** · 11-23-2007, 06:46 AM

I use to be able to go "down town" every once in a while.1-3 months then it became a forbidden thing to do last year.1st orgasm would only take about 10 minutes I don't know what or why some things change.I am offering not asking.

**sourpuss** · 11-23-2007, 09:04 AM

I agree with Dr Mansview. Sit down and ask him out right. (without getting upset at the answer, and ask if there is a solution you can both come up with)
Does he ask for bjs or do you just do it on your own with out anything indication from him?

11-21-2007, 06:03 PM	#1
bellasmom VIP Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 34	Am I the only one NOT getting it? This is embarassing, but my boyfriend refuses to go down on me. Absolutely refuses! I do everything he wants (and have for five years), but he says, "I just don't do it, thats all". I feel guilty for even asking, but I need to feel like my body is special to him and he desires to please me. I have read alot on here that says, "many women don't give BJ's". I do, but I think maybe I should stop until he gives in and pleasures me. I hate to give ultimatums, but I can't just go the rest of my life without it. He makes me feel like that area is gross on me or something, like it's good enough to play with but not taste. It bothers me so much that I don't even climax anymore from normal sex. What's weird is that every guy I've been with has been totally into it, so now I feel like maybe something's wrong with me (the look of it, or taste IDK). I know you're all saying TOO MUCH INFORMATION, so I'll stop. PLEASE HELP!

11-22-2007, 08:57 AM	#7
Drewstraws VIP Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 21	oral sex You have been with the guy a long time. I would think this issue would have come up early in the relationship. You may have to find someone else. But only after a long serious talk with him. If you love him and he knows it he should be strong enough to do something he really hates doing. Is religion part of this? I would think by now, couples will at least do things once in a while to sustain their relationship. I am not talking about hanging on by a thread but a little can go a long way. It sometimes shows the level of intimacy and a good man or woman is hard to find. Overall how much do you think you value each other? Maybe for you, a little oral now and then would mean the world to you. If you need it all the the time, he may have to go and it was a bad match. I wish you luck on this one.

11-22-2007, 07:18 PM	#8
dr.mansview Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+) Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: canada Posts: 1,061	just tell him straight out that you WILL NOT be offended, but that you want the truth..tell him you can't help with the solution if you don't know the problem..keep calm and don't get defensive or you're back to square one.. __________________ a smart man learns from his mistakes..a wise man learns from the mistakes of others..

11-23-2007, 09:04 AM	#10
sourpuss WH Moderator Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Montana Posts: 1,375	I agree with Dr Mansview. Sit down and ask him out right. (without getting upset at the answer, and ask if there is a solution you can both come up with) Does he ask for bjs or do you just do it on your own with out anything indication from him? Last edited by sourpuss; 11-23-2007 at 10:30 PM.

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11-21-2007, 08:07 PM	#3
Fallen1 WH Moderator Hexxagon Champion! Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: US Posts: 817 Blog Entries: 1	Three years ago I left my husband of 18 years. In that relationship he gave me oral one time and that was while we were dating. There are some guys that just do not do it, so I wouldn't take it as anything personal.

11-21-2007, 08:16 PM	#4
ConfusedGuy Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 9	This might sound insensitive but I promise it's not. Maybe he's bothered by the smell?

11-21-2007, 11:32 PM	#5
wallarookiller Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 4	It's hard to say why he doesn't want to do it. You should get into a real conversation about it with him even if he doesnt want to. Then at least you will know why he just doesn't do it.

11-22-2007, 07:32 AM	#6
anonymouswhitefemale May 2008 "Poster of the Month" Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 1,419 Blog Entries: 2	I'd stop giving the bjs... And say that you miss it and need it, and that so do most women, so wtf is he doing? If you marry this guy and have his children, do you really want to never experience oral again? I'm a guy, and I wouldn't carry on a relationship with a woman who thought bjs were degrading or something.

11-23-2007, 06:46 AM	#9
Mourningman VIP Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 82	I use to be able to go "down town" every once in a while.1-3 months then it became a forbidden thing to do last year.1st orgasm would only take about 10 minutes I don't know what or why some things change.I am offering not asking.