Thread: frustrated from my wifes lack of interest.

hi, can someone give me some advice ,or your opinion. i have been married to my lovely wife now for nine years.when we first met there was the usual fireworks.sex was great,oral ,giving and receiving.my wife would do it all the time and try different things.it has been nine years or so since that all changed.she has absolutely no interest in having sex with me,and theres no sign of that changing any time soon.i might sound selfish but its very frustrating to be shunned for years by the woman i love.ive tried every avenue i can think of and nothing changes.HELP???

I know for me, I have to feel loved and beautiful to be interested in sex. Try giving her a little extra attention and compliment her plenty on how she looks and how you feel about her. It may take awhile for her to warm up, but it sounds like at this point it's at least worth a try.

thanks for your suggestion sourpuss, but i shower her with compliments,tell her often how beautiful,sexy,attractive she is,ive sent her to the spa on special occasions for some pampering.ive sent her flowers for no reason.i work out of province a lot but when i am home i try to be attentive to her needs, but it doesnt matter what i do.

What exactly do you say and do with her at the times you would like to get busy?

And what exactly does she say and do in reply?

Originally Posted by rwms498

hi, can someone give me some advice ,or your opinion. i have been married to my lovely wife now for nine years.when we first met there was the usual fireworks.sex was great,oral ,giving and receiving.my wife would do it all the time and try different things.it has been nine years or so since that all changed.she has absolutely no interest in having sex with me,and theres no sign of that changing any time soon.i might sound selfish but its very frustrating to be shunned for years by the woman i love.ive tried every avenue i can think of and nothing changes.HELP???

Try something romantic. A romantic dinner (cooked by you or take her out.) Some wine. Flatter her. Give her a massage. Now, if that has not worked in the recent past...try the opposite....sort of. See if being a little more forward might work (short of forcing her)....try being more aggresive. I am not sure what she might be in the mood for. Sometimes we like something different. One way or the other might work. ???

Have you just flat out asked her why the two of you don't make love anymore? Sometimes dancing around the subject doesn't really get you anywhere.

If I sound blunt its only because I see alot of these posts from men and I've noticed some of them just don't come out and ask, "Honey, why don't you want to have sex with me anymore?" Maybe it will catch her off guard.

ladylane, yes i have come out and asked her on several occasions why she doesnt want to have sex .its usually the same answer, i'm just not onterested in sex ,or something to that effect.i've had nine long years to try to figure it out and i am still in the dark.i've tried romance,dates,candlelit bubblebaths,that kinda stuff.i have put a lot of effort into it over the years and gotten very little response.you name it i've tried it.not just for sex,as it sounds thats the only interest i have, but romance, lovemaking ya know? might sound corny coming from a guy but thats the way i am.

P.S. thanks for your advice ladies, i do appreciate it.

That's not corny at all. You want a connection with your wife. I wish this wasn't a common problem, but it is.

Does she take birth control? For all these years, I mean? Anti-depressants? Either could totally kill her sex drive.

And yet if you went outside the marriage to fulfill this need that's not being met, you'd be the bad guy. It's not right.

well lady i have not gone elsewhere yet,but if i dont feel something from my wife soon, well how long can a person put up with not having an intimate connection with their wife....its been way too long.as far as birth control she was on the pill for a while when i met her,and for a few more after. she was off it intermittently here and there. its been a year or so since she has not taken any birth control. i dont think its an issue though because it wasnt one in the first year and a half or so.?????????????????????????????????????/ i dont know what to do.hurry up,,,,dont touch me there,its gross, dont touch my breasts,it bothers me???????????????????????????????????????????????? ??????? how many years must a guy hear this before he actually does stray???? not that i am interested in anyone else,after all i am still deeply in love with the mother of my children...........any more ideas.....i'm begging,,,as usual lol