Thread: My Conclusions

I just typed a whole 4-5 paragraph message and it was timed out...and I lost it....ARGH! This time I am coping it!

I recently had some problems dealing with the knowledge that my SO masturbated within our relationship. I thought there was something wrong with me or our relationship. I thought, because we had sex almost daily and sometimes more that he should not need masturbation. However, I sensed he was looking forward to alone time. He was. I have come to the conclusion that he likes masturbation and misses it if he doesn't get to do it from time to time. I am going to give you my conclusions on info I have gathered from trying to learn about my SO and his thoughts on this and ideas and thoughts from others I have received on this board and other boards elsewhere....

I wanted to know why he was doing it and what he was thinking about. He tells me he does it cause he can and always has. It is a release. He thinks about body parts....T&A, etc. and likes the visual stimulation like porn to help get him off. He says it is not because he does not want partner sex or does not want me. He does.

What I find is that most men would still masturbate even in a relationship. A person may not know their partner is masturbating in the shower or whatever...or when they are not around. It is something they can do better than their partner can....they have perfected it since they were adolescents! They know what feels good and how to get themselves off....and it is a great feeling to do it alone with their private thoughts and fantasies, not needing to meet anyone elses' needs! Sometimes it is fun for them to be a little naughty too! Sometimes they think about body parts, sometimes they fantasize about being with the porn star or centerfold, sometimes they fantasize that the girl is the one in their office (ick!) However, most of it is harmless, and they don't really want to be with another woman or other person. They like to have a rich fantasy life and want to feel good.

I still don't like the idea of my SO masturbating at times. It makes me anxious at times...but I guess that is my problem. I'd love to say, "No. He never masturbates. He only wants sex with me!" but that is a lovely fantasy sugarcoating that is not true for us! He likes to masturbate and so do I at times....My worry was more about what is going through his head at those times. I don't think of men, per say, when I masturbate....I only think of the sensations I am getting from the touching or my rabbit, etc. Sometimes I think of the scene in the porno I am watching...but nothing is reality based. I keep telling myself it is the same for him. He seems to like to masturbate 1-2 or more times per week, if he can get the private time.

Most men and women masturbate even in a relationship from what I know and hear. I think it is just different if a man or woman does it compared to with their partner. Some women say that the orgasms are stronger because they are more in tune with their bodies. That does not mean they don't love their man. Men have the same feelings. Your partner may have doubts about himself if you shared that you do it alone. It is different with or without a woman for me me but I can't really tell why.
One thing I do know is most people masturbate first and grow into relationships later. We have to learn how to use our bodies to please another and it takes time. Being married/together for a long time should help. You get more used to them and they can know your triggers. I know a couple that is highly sexual and they have powerful orgasms done for each other in just a few minutes. Little to no masturbating in that household because a quickie is as good as alone. They are lucky and quite happy. A quick note: In a recent study it showed testosterone in men ramps up when he is in a relationship. Feel good that you have his juices flowing. I am surprised no posts on a lot of threads. New to this. I hope this helps you. Take care and as always, Love ya ladies!

Hold on here! (btw, I am joking so you know) Did I just read that you masturbate but you don't want him to?! That is hysterical!

Men would blow themselves if they could... please. I'm happy for you that you get all the sex that you do!!

Originally Posted by Drewstraws

Most men and women masturbate even in a relationship from what I know and hear. I think it is just different if a man or woman does it compared to with their partner. Some women say that the orgasms are stronger because they are more in tune with their bodies. That does not mean they don't love their man. Men have the same feelings. Your partner may have doubts about himself if you shared that you do it alone. It is different with or without a woman for me me but I can't really tell why.
One thing I do know is most people masturbate first and grow into relationships later. We have to learn how to use our bodies to please another and it takes time. Being married/together for a long time should help. You get more used to them and they can know your triggers. I know a couple that is highly sexual and they have powerful orgasms done for each other in just a few minutes. Little to no masturbating in that household because a quickie is as good as alone. They are lucky and quite happy. A quick note: In a recent study it showed testosterone in men ramps up when he is in a relationship. Feel good that you have his juices flowing. I am surprised no posts on a lot of threads. New to this. I hope this helps you. Take care and as always, Love ya ladies!

Thanks for the reply and reminders about some info, i.e. testosterone. Masturbation is *not* a new topic here....so some readers are probably tired of it....and I have written about my problems about it before. I just did a conclusion/update on my feelings.
That couple is lucky. But I think my man just loves masturbation, so he probably will do it until his testosterone is about gone. LOL. At least we have plenty of good sex too- even with his frequent masturbation .

Originally Posted by LadyLane

Hold on here! (btw, I am joking so you know) Did I just read that you masturbate but you don't want him to?! That is hysterical!

Men would blow themselves if they could... please. I'm happy for you that you get all the sex that you do!!

LOL! No....I don't really begrudge him masturbation....I just want him to enjoy it less! LOL!LOL! Yeah....and at least the sex is good and plentiful.

well,i am someones SO and if i didnt masterbate i would explode..i dont have sex with my SO often at all, so a guy who wont stray has to get relief somewhere...maybe your SO is fantasizing about you,,just like i do my SO....hope this helps,,although im no expert(unless we are talking about masterbating alone,all by myself,hahaha)

Hey wait a minute! Not all men would blow themselves if they could? My favorite fatasy is when I remember my wife bending over my face about to sit down and hopefully enjoy my not to tired toungue its used to be absolutely wonderful.Sadly it ain't anymore.

Originally Posted by rwms498

well,i am someones SO and if i didnt masterbate i would explode..i dont have sex with my SO often at all, so a guy who wont stray has to get relief somewhere...maybe your SO is fantasizing about you,,just like i do my SO....hope this helps,,although im no expert(unless we are talking about masterbating alone,all by myself,hahaha)

If my man only masturbated once in a while, it would be better. He does it even when he has had sex the day before. He just likes it....IMO- he likes it too much sometimes. That makes me feel insecure and not needed.

Originally Posted by Mourningman

Hey wait a minute! Not all men would blow themselves if they could? My favorite fatasy is when I remember my wife bending over my face about to sit down and hopefully enjoy my not to tired toungue its used to be absolutely wonderful.Sadly it ain't anymore.

My man would blow himself everyday and maybe twice. ** eyeroll. Thank God he can't reach. But then again, in that case, I wouldn't be with him....No joke. A woman needs to be needed. Too bad your lovelife/sexlife has ended. Sorry.

I read that 67% of married women masturbate on a regular basis because either they do not get enough sex from there husbands or there husbands are not able to satisfy them the same way they satisfy themselves. As a man I would have sex everyday if I could but that does not happen