Thread: The Down Low

Many of you have heard the term 'down low', and probably
know it refers to a man who will say;

"I love women, but
I have sex with men."

Many of you will attribute this behaviour to the fact that
the Black community is less tolerant of homosexuality than
the white, hence the black homosexual will have to pretend
to be straight; i.e. have a wife/girlfriend/children as a
'beard.'

Of course, it is not only Black men who practice the down
low. Many men cannot face their homosexuality. Although
in America it is not so much a social/legal impediment,
it is, for many, spiritual.

Many homosexual men can not face their sexuality, hence
they use all sorts of 'props' to hide this fact.

For example, many men have a virtual repugnance of vaginal
sex. As only a woman has a vagina using another orifice,
the man on the down low can fantasise he is having sex
with another man.

The watching of heterosexual porn is another beard.
The man on the 'down low' will sit and masturbate while
he is watching porn.

He is looking at the men in the film, not the women. The
Assumption, of course is that he is being 'turned on'
by the females, when it is the males.

The down low man has the perfect protection for his
sexuality; after all, nothing proves a man is a man
more than watching porn.

Many women are fooled and marry men on the down low
never questioning their sexuality.

Some begin to wonder about the lack of vaginal sex, and
the need for all sorts of paraphenalia, but often are
totally unaware they have married a homosexual until
catching him with another man.

Her shock is basically;
How could a man who wants her to blow him every night,
who watches porn every chance he gets, be Gay?

Ahh, now it would be refreshing if a man were that honest.
But alas, those on the downlow are not. They say, "Just
for a change..." as they have her strap on the dildo, and
she, if it does occur to her...

for example;

Valerie, just before she entered Gilbert thought..
--what am I doing?
Why would he want this in his rectum?--
However,
'just for a change',
she gave it a try, and her husband had, as she puts it,
'the biggest orgasm of their marriage and was saying
all sorts of crazy things' while she was doing it.

After she went into the bathroom, shut the door and
realised her husband was gay.

She's one of the lucky ones, she realised early, others
don't. Others have to actually see him in bed with
another man before they realise it.

I have a gay ex. It was one of those online relationship with a guy I'd chatted with for years that took place during junior high.
A few years later when I found out, I felt so ******. I should have known. There were so many signs that in my youth I failed to recognize, or refused to. Even just talking to him online, even while he was in high school, supposedly before "recognizing" his sexuality, I could have figured it out had I tried.
It can happen to ANYBODY. While I don't think there's anything wrong with being homosexual, I do believe in sexually/romantically monogamous relationships and if the partner doesn't prefer your gender, it just doesn't work out.

I had the same discussion on line with a particular gay celeb
and the point is that, you want to know if he is/isn't before
your become emotionally involved.

It is one of the most shocking heartbreaks when one falls in
love with a chap who happens to be gay and of course, one
misses all the signs, because one was not looking for the signs.

In a down low, the chap is hiding his homosexuality by having
a wife or kids or a fiance, and the emotional tsunami that is
unleashed when the wife realises this is a gay man who is
playing straight, and she's part of the fascade.

It is diff is a gay says to you, look, I'm gay but I want to make
a 'straight' statement here, and you decide okay, I'll be part of
the deception contra thinking this is a straight man and being
confused by the actions.

In the example of Valerie, she should have, of course, noted that
Gilbert had a kind of vaginal aversion, and that it was only on a
rare occasion he would ejaculate inside of her. But until the
big Down Low expose' it was...no, he can't be gay, he's married
to me...

Sorry if some guy played a game with you and turned out to be gay. You might want to check out the pegging thread though. Many have stressed anal sex woman to man is still straight and the prostate thing is new to many and is supposed to create an earthquake. After reading lots of different posts I can see why men (straight) shy away from it. Many women may question his sexuality. My best friend married a lesbian and had a child. That turned out to be a big mess. Too much shame and fear in men's and women's sex lives leads to a lack of honesty and communication. Good luck. Take care.

Drawstrings, I think you missed the point in some respects.
I am not talking personally, I was discussing about the reasons
why X should/should not come out, and the point was, in re
homosexuality, the only cogent reason why someone's sexuality
should be front page...

as to the Down Low, many men attempt to divert by the
'pegging' that you spoke of. They are gay, suppressing it,
assuming that if they have anal sex and a female is on the
other side of the dildo they are not gay.

The fact is many men on the down low attempt to mask their
homosexuality in this fashion.

The Down Low, (as I said before) is not limited to
Afro-Americans; although they have, as with rap,
created the template.

Men on the DL made a big deal out of being MEN.
They rebuke and repudiate all forms of 'Gay' culture.
They dress and act like thugs or super macho men.
They always have girlfriends, and make a big show
of looking at women, flirting, etc.

They do not identify themselves as homosexual.
They define homosexuality as effeminate and 'girly',
not by the sexual activity.

Many of the most savage gangsta rappers are
homosexuals on the down low.

They are ashamed of being homosexuals.
They live a fantasy life of being supermen, and drape
their homosexual affairs in a kind of 'no big deal',
announcing, I love women
I just have sex with men...
which doesn't need to make sense.

Because these men have serious issues with themselves;
(a man who has sex with men is a homosexual).
To redefine the term homosexuality to mean other
than it's basic definition does require some serious
mental gymnastics, but it is part of the denial.

This is why men on the Down Low always have females
in their beds. It is part of the fantasy.
It is part of their denial of being homosexual.
They must have as woman as wife or g/f at all times.
This is so necessary to them because it is their 'proof'
they are not Gay.

However, these men have no use for the vagina,
as being homosexuals they gain sexual satisfaction
from females as if they were men; i.e.
oral/genital stimulation, anal intercourse, etc.

Over time, of course, the female does not satisfy
them, for their actually desire is for men, and the
surrogate female is replaced by males.

Hence, he needs the female as a smokescreen,
but goes out to engage with other males as
himself.

Many of these men will claim to love their wives,
but it is clear their sexuality defines them as
homosexual.

A man said, "I get pleasure out of beating women, but
I'm not a sadist, I always stop when I draw blood."

Now he has redefined himself to escape the taint of
a label, however, he is a sadist regardless of what
spin he desires to put on it.

Many men on the Down Low will reject the homosexual
label. They will claim that the reason they have sex
with men is because it feels so much better than with
women.

Men who have sex with men because it feels so much
better are homosexuals. By slapping a new tag on it
they 'escape' the label.

Just as the man who finds pleasure in causing pain is
a sadist, regardless what spin he puts on it, what
excuses he gives himself.

Men on the Down Low require non-vaginal sex. They
simply are repelled by the vagina and claim they have
better sex anal or oral. This is to escape the tag of
homosexuality.

Some women realise their man is 'not right'
early enough to get out without too much trauma.

They notice that their man is making a big show
of masculinity, or what they think masculinity is.

Their dress, their rough talk, their dominance,
sometimes even abuse.

They notice the vaginal aversion.

They notice the masturbation while watching porn
and do pick up it is the male character that the
man is watching NOT the female.

Most of them phrase it;

"He didn't desire me. He wanted me to sexually
please him, but he did not desire me."

The word desire is key in the sentence because what
is being revealed is that this man does not desire
women, he wants orgasm where he can close his eyes
and think of the character in the porn movie or
the boy who packed the bags at the supermarket.

Of course, many women do not notice this at all.
They are so needful of a man that they do not
pick up the key feature of desire.

They do whatever he wants because they are afraid
of losing him, when they have long lost him.

These women persist in his fantasies until such time
as he is ready to engage with other men.

Very often the woman is 'relieved' he is really
going out with the boys, not appreciating what
kind of 'out' he is going on.

In some cities the revelation that particular
clubs cater for those on the down low have
shocked a lot of women who 'never' imagined
that their 'manly' man was a homosexual in
denial.

One of the most discordant aspects of the 'Down Low'
is that practitioners are Anti-Gay. They ridicule
gays, shun the gay life style, and are the last men
one would think would be any way involved in
homosexuality.

Due to their denial of being homosexuals, for this
is what distinguishes those on the Down Low;
the absolutely reject being homosexual, and
would respond in anger dare anyone suggest
they were gay.

Because they so embrace the 'macho' man creed
of gangs/thugs/fighting etc. one is certainly
deceived.

Many women diagnoised with AIDs, who have
not slept with any one but their man, have
been told and have believed that it was
heterosexually spread to her by her man having
an affair.

This, of course, falls to dust, when his friends
also test positive, and his friends women test
positive, and there is no other woman outside
of the circle...but a heap of men.

Riding 'raw' is something a 'real man' does in
the Down Low. It adds to their 'macho'
allure.

Men on the Down Low have serious issues with
their sexuality, obviously. Their enjoyment of
sex is not vaginal; anal is their most powerful
orgasm.

They have created this myth of 'loving women
having sex with men' to hide their homosexuality
and unfortunately, are becoming one of the
major carriers of AIDs.

Where sex workers demand condom use, men
on the Down Low find it ruins their 'macho'
image; so want 'raw' sex.

As AIDs appears to transmit quicker anally
these men spread it to their wives.

Many women only find out that their man
has been leading these two lives when
she is diagnoised.