Thread: oral sex advice

My bf and I have been together for six years. In the beginning, he would do oral sex at least once/week. Then as time went on, he hardly did it. I asked him if I am gross or something and he said no and that he liked doint it. The last two times he did that to me, (which has been once every six months now if ever) I saw him gag and he ran into the bathroom and said he got a hair in his throat. The next time I saw him get up and spit stuff in a cup. I hadnt orgasmed so that wasn't it. Last night I just asked why he never ever does it and he admitted that I have "this milky white" stuff coming out now. He said he likes to give oral just not to me. I know when he does this I get sooo excited and wet because I love it. He said I dont smell or anything but I am so hurt and sad over this. Is there something wrong with me? My ex-husbad did that daily and loved it and would say very nice things about that area to me. I just dont know what to do. I just feel like crying. How can we have a great sexual relationship leaving out that--because now I dont ever give it to him anymore to ease up on my feelings of resentment. I swallow and it isn't the greatest taste to me and it's slimy but I still did that and acted like I loved it for his enjoyment. Help.

Anytime your discharge changes like that you should visit a doctor! You could have an infection and not know it, or be ignoring it.
See the doctor about that white, milky discharge. And try to eat fruits and vegetables to improve the taste.

Well, first off, he's a jerk. I love giving oral, and there are hazards (the hair in the mouth/throat, all the juices, neck cramps, etc) - but usually well worth it.

Little is right -if you are getting a white discharge (that wasn't always there) you need to see a doctor...and than see if he resumes pleasuring you...if not, move on...

I kinda agree with you metboogie. Here's the deal--I know I do not have an infection. I know what they are like and you know when you have one. I honestly believe he doesnt like to give oral and he is making all kinds of excuses. The other issue--I used to get oral so much before and then six years I maybe get it 10 times. I get sooooo excited--because I love it--that I think that's what it is. Is there a way for me to "tone down " my excitement--thus my bodily fluids?

I have read (on other posts here) about ovulation, extreme excitement--can make you fluid thicker. I believe that's all this is but we kinda had a fight about it--I don't know how to even bring this up again. He's never been the kinda guy that takes sexual advice well.

Try having a bath first, to get him back in the mood of doing it again, he can see that your clean, it may ease your mind too knowing that your clean down there in the mean time before checking it out with your doctor. I got in the habbit of that for my own sake of feeling "fresh".

Becca--believe me. I've tried many things. I am just mad about this. It's funny I read on another post how a guy suggested not to have this husband tell his wife when he did that--that she had a different taste than before. (It was the drip post)--so as not to make her self-conscious. I am friggin so self-conscious Becca--that I NEVER EVER let him even try that unless I've showered and everything right before. I knew it was an lacking issue. I have never experienced this before--that's why I am at a loss. I love him and enjoy sex with him but I just don't know how fulfilling things will be without those aspects of our sex life.

I do wonder also if it could be these pills I take for a fibroaid tumor I have. They are called Norithendrone. It keeps me from having periods but I wonder if it also keeps me in a state of "ovulation" which may be causing my discharge to be thicker than usual?

I most definately would agree to that... medication triggers changes in your body secretions for sure. Im sorry to hear you are having to take that.
I think I'd be very hurt as well if my boyfriend just didnt do that for me anymore, and not really honestly try to communicate so that he could participate in something that is very important to your sexual experience.

Ask yourself this question:

If your best girlfriend came to you and said "how do I get less excited about my man going down on me so that he will actually do it"...what would your response be?

I know our immediate reaction is to solve the problem presented, namely calming you down. But the REAL problem is - WHY SHOULD YOU HAVE TO?

Put yourself in my shoes trying to answer that for you (and I'm a guy!)...and see what you want to do next.

PS - It's been six years...you're not married or engaged (and I'm assuming no kids)...the most you have together is some bills and a joint checking account (hopefully not a mortgage) - it won't be THAT hard to cut ties and leave him behind.

I know what your are saying to me. We have been together for six years and we are not married or engaged. I have two daughters from my marriage. My b/f has been there to help me raise them as the "father" figure they needed. After everything we had to go through, it feels like another failure for me. I could tell you things that would have everyone screaming at me to leave him. He's bipolar--non treated. My investment is that for the last 15 months he has not worked and I have supported him. He actually should kiss my **** (and everything else ) in my (and many other's) opinion. This relationship has so many layers.

He just started working finally and its a great job. He is giving back finally--financially. It's just now with this issue and several others I feel like he will leave me for something younger and better because I feel less desirable and it has hurt my self-esteem.

Don't make the mistake MANY people make...staying in relationships for the money. Money (as you already know) comes and goes - wouldn't you rather be broke and alone than financially secure & miserable?

Your daughters will understand - you are there mother.

Also, if he is bipolar and untreated - well, that could explain certain things...but the most important thing for you to understand is that he is making very selfish decisions...being bipolar and in a relationship (my brother-in-law is bipolar) can be very difficult...I know the meds suck and all, but if left untreated long enough he can become violent, abusive and unstable (if he isn't already). Is THAT the environment you want to be in (and your daughters)?

This is obviously about way bigger issues than oral sex, and you need to treat it as such.