Thread: Help!

The first thing that jumps out at me is the fact that he's a young man and this is his only lover. A lot of people have the fantasy of the more experienced person teaching us how to be great lovers...but it seems like his GF had that come true, than refuses to do the same to him...I'm not blaming her, just trying to put myself in his place.

Anal sex, especially for a woman, can be a testy thing. Some women will try it, realize they don't like it, and never do it again. In this instance, DO NOT tell your new BF that you've done it before if you don't plan on doing it with him (this is her fault)...

As for you, you have 3 choices:

1 - You have to decide if you want to be with her for the rest of your life. If so, than you need to make the sacrifice, forget about anal sex, and give up the porn. See a professional if need be...if you want to be with her, it's what it will take.

2 - You can decide that this won't be your last relationship ever, and that this is a dealbreaker and it's time to move on. I can definitely attest to the mental image of someone else rocking your girls back door - it happened to me when I was younger and was VERY hard to get over (but we did have anal sex)...

3 - Either way, this will be an issue in your head. You should speak to a mental health professional (it's not a big deal) and get to the root of the problem. I say this because I am 100% sure that if you move on you will want this in your next relationship, and if she doesn't comply it's the same issue all over again.

Do you really want to be known as the great guy who drives women away because of his obsession with anal sex?

My last piece of advice is this - Anal is nice and all, but it's not better than vaginal sex...BELIEVE ME! Nothing is better than vaginal sex...except for oral.

Originally Posted by BandofGypsies

To answer Fallen1's question about a man experimenting with taking a dildo in a way that would be similar to a male lover thrusting. I was in a BDSM relationship for several years, where my Dominatrix gf was into receiving and giving anal sex. She enjoyed it, but she did it I think to get me to be a receiver; I was in an experimental stage in my 20s and gave in to her request. So, as a man who taken a 4, a 6 and then a 8 inch dildo up the bum well over 100 times, I'll testify that it CAN hurt, but if a copious amount of lube is used then it just discomforting on the way in (the first few times after that it became easy, since it was a staple in our 2 or 3 times a week sex-life). Once she had all 8 inches inside of me and was vigorously thrusting the discomfort faded into a state of bliss. This has to do with massaging the prostrate. Heck, I even achieved a wild orgasm when my gf brought another girl into the mix and they took turns pegging me for about 10 minutes.

I do not believe this makes me gay or bisexual, because the sight of a naked man in person will eliminate any erection that I might have. I'm not uncomfortable seeing a naked man (because I've seen my share of porn and been in enough locker rooms), but there's no sexual energy, no sexual cravings or desires to experiment -- hence me enjoying anal sex doesn't put me into the Down Low category or the bisexual category.

Thanks for sharing your experience.

I'm like you, I don't believe that just because a man enjoys this type of play it necessarily makes him gay or bisexual. I believe if it's a female that does these things to him it's one thing but if he fantasizes about another male performing these acts on him then yes, I would say he's got bisexual and or gay tendencies.

Originally Posted by BandofGypsies

The thing about porn though is it gives a fantasy and visual incarnation that's executed in a stylized fashion that isn't totally achievable in real life, so it's dangerous as it creates cravings and desires that aren't abnormal but irrational. As much as a man watches basketball, he's not going to be Like Mike -- yet with porn for some reason, people think that they can have their g/f perform acts like Jenna Jameson or that they can perform like Shawn Michaels.

For the most part what is seen in porn cannot be duplicated in reality, or at least not exactly as it is seen. Porn is unrealistic in a sense, it's rehearsed, the film is often looped to be made to look as though it last longer than it does, the film is edited/filtered so that the body "flaws" of the actors are not shown, and it's taped over an extended period of time. Actual sex is not "pretty" like it is on film.

Originally Posted by PLEASE HELP!

Thank you all so much for responding, i would just like to clear a couple of things up... i wasn't trying to ask for permission to have anal sex but i can see where you got that from. I honestly don't think i could actually do it to her i just wanted YOU ALL to say that I'm not totally evil for the feelings that i have, she makes me feel bad about the way i feel and i totally understand why, which is why i really really want to get over this. As far as "down Low" suggestion i can see where your idea came from and i have questioned myself that very same question, but only for a few moments as i am very very sure that i like girls. When half of you are saying that my relationship is over and "doomed" this is the scary part, i don't want to hear that, and I am shaking now just thinking about it, breaking up is not an option, i love her and would not have sex at all if thats what she wished (I just might end up looking at porn sometimes). I also understand that some of you don't want to get involved into long psychological problems and sick sexual fantasies of mine so after this comment i will try and take my problem elsewhere i just felt so much more comfortable talking about it with a more sensitive crowd, It was the first time i have talked to anybody about it besides my girlfriend and i appreciate you all offering you opinions. But please offer any other advice that you have because i still don't know what to do, i don't want to look at anal sex porn, we are not breaking up because i cant handle what she told me and we are also not breaking up because i have become obsessed with anal sex that would be ******. I love regular sex with her, we do it like once a week, i just have one little urge that i am having trouble dealing with. I guess what I'm getting at is "Can i openly ask her if it is alright if i look up just a little bit of porn once in a while to satisfy this urge because she does not want to do it," is it possible for a woman to be ok with this or at least allow it for the sake of our relationship? Thank you for help once again i will try not to bug you nice ladies with my anal sex obsession any longer. For the record, i think Sourpuss is the most correct, i really think its all in my head and i can get over it maybe, i just dont know how to get over it, and im pretty sure i am obsessed with these things (the act, and the porn) because they are taboo, she has made it explicitly clear that we will not have anal sex and i am not to watch porn, maybe if she allows a little bit of porn OR is open to small gentle forms of experimentation or would that even help at all? would it make it worse? should i even ask such ****** questions? will she think of me less of a man after i ask this? after all thats happened? I just dont know what to do.

First of all, I don't think you are gay or 'down low' just because you are curious about another sex act. I believe you have not experienced much and are now interested in doing something different. Sometimes if you actually do it you will fine it is not all what you thought it would be and loose such an interest. Anyway, sounds like it's pretty simple. You'll have to give up the porn and the desire for anal or loose the girlfriend. She's made herself pretty clear.

Originally Posted by anonymouswhitefemale

Out of interest to the actual level of pain, I tried it on myself with my girls dildo, and being careful it really didn't hurt much at all. And then I think that we'd be throwing ourselves into physical danger to protect you or your honour, costing perhaps a split lip or a broken nose, which is far worse. The time we carry you back from the club because your feet are hurting from high heels. etc. We suffer pain for women, and do it without grumbling - if your partner is curious to try something that you can offer which really isn't too bad at all, I think you should try it. The bigger deal is not doing it rather than doing it. That's what'll damage the relationship more.

As for long term damage, I can't see it being that bad. It'd likely be infrequent and careful, and I bet all gay guys dont poo their pants from time to time....

And CarolineWH, we are descended from monkeys. Monkeys are natural. Monkeys have anal sex. Are you saying that Monkeys are unnatural? 'cos I'd say that we're a good deal less natural than them. Also, when a man wants anal sex with a woman, it by no means means that he's thinking of a boy while he's doing it, obviously.

PLEASE HELP, it seems like your gf has a bit of a stranglehold around you, to be honest I'm suprised you dont just watch porn behind her back. My partner doesn't like me watching porn particularly, though she's put it on before and stuff, it's a self confidence thing for her. But as you mentioned, if we were having a more healthy sex life the other urge dissipates, so in my mind if she creates the problem by being too tired or not in the mood, then the result is her responsibility...

I don't agree that it's porn or the gf, I'm sure if you were running around in the wild with your mate, you'd both watch the other himan couple having sex by the river, or whatever. It's perfectly natural.

To awhitefemale,

It IS obivious that you ARE decended from a monkey. I on the other hand am not. Using a dildo on yourself can not simulate having 200+ lbs behind it. I think he's being considerate of her feelings and you my dear show some self-centeredness.

As for longterm damage, a lot of that depends on the size of the man, the force behind it, and the frequency. The woman involved is the one who will be directly affected by it. She should do it willingly if that is her decision. Not forced into it.