Thread: Porn is ruining my relationship! HELP!

Im new to womens health, and I only have registered beacuse I am in DIRE need of help. Porn is ruining my relationship. My boyfriend is addicted to porn watching and I cannot handle anymore. When I first knew him I knew that he was into watching porn, which I am ok with. However he doesnt just like it, hes addicted to internet porn and dvds and has subscriptions to almost every porn mag. He has apx 50-60 dvds. I am a beautiful confident woman with myself, however I always feel like im being compaired to those porn star women but my bf constantly feels the need to watch this stuff on a daily basis. It really makes me feel like **** about myself in the fact that he would rather watch that and "service" himself in secret rather than be with me. I try to talk to him about this but it always turns into an argument. It got so bad one day I was crying while having sex (he didnt know this.) I feel like I cant even leave the room or leave the house otherwise he will just look at more porn. He even looks at this stuff while im cleaning the house or cooking or doing laundry!! It is turly ruining me, and he feels im being rediculous. I like to watch porn too on occasion, but im to my breaking point. This whole porn thing is ruining my self isteem and my relationship. I just dont know how to handle this situation beacuse he thinks my opinion is BS or ******. He tells me im beautiful on ocassion and tells me he loves me back everyday, but how can someone keep doing this when it is ruining the "true me." I also feel like we never make love its always just having sex like in the movies. I NEED ADVISE PLEASE!

Originally Posted by Bonita

Im new to womens health, and I only have registered beacuse I am in DIRE need of help. Porn is ruining my relationship. My boyfriend is addicted to porn watching and I cannot handle anymore. When I first knew him I knew that he was into watching porn, which I am ok with. However he doesnt just like it, hes addicted to internet porn and dvds and has subscriptions to almost every porn mag. He has apx 50-60 dvds. I am a beautiful confident woman with myself, however I always feel like im being compaired to those porn star women but my bf constantly feels the need to watch this stuff on a daily basis. It really makes me feel like **** about myself in the fact that he would rather watch that and "service" himself in secret rather than be with me. I try to talk to him about this but it always turns into an argument. It got so bad one day I was crying while having sex (he didnt know this.) I feel like I cant even leave the room or leave the house otherwise he will just look at more porn. He even looks at this stuff while im cleaning the house or cooking or doing laundry!! It is turly ruining me, and he feels im being rediculous. I like to watch porn too on occasion, but im to my breaking point. This whole porn thing is ruining my self isteem and my relationship. I just dont know how to handle this situation beacuse he thinks my opinion is BS or ******. He tells me im beautiful on ocassion and tells me he loves me back everyday, but how can someone keep doing this when it is ruining the "true me." I also feel like we never make love its always just having sex like in the movies. I NEED ADVISE PLEASE!

He's obiviously addicted. I'm more concerned about how it's affecting you. If he has decided that he's not going to give it up for you, then you need to decide what you are willing to give up for him. It seems it is already giving you anxiety and low self-esteem issues. If you continue to feel it is making you depressed, you need to let it (the relationship) go.

Originally Posted by dr.mansview

not trying to fluff this question off "bonita", but this subject has come up dozens of times in the last 3 months or so..some posters no longer respond to this question anymore..however if you type in porn in the empty box at the top of the page you will be directed to this very subject from other posters with a similar problem..good luck..

VERY TRUE

If you want to know how I feel, read one of the other 5+ threads I've posted in.

Originally Posted by commonsense

He's obiviously addicted. I'm more concerned about how it's affecting you. If he has decided that he's not going to give it up for you, then you need to decide what you are willing to give up for him. It seems it is already giving you anxiety and low self-esteem issues. If you continue to feel it is making you depressed, you need to let it (the relationship) go.

Yep, good advice.

Look, the bottom line is you aren't married, have no kids and so your first priority is you...

To that end, here is my piece of advice - if you want to change his behavior, you have to change yours. If you find things unacceptable, than he needs to know that. Start by eliminating ALL privileges from him - not just sexual, but cleaning, cooking, any normal quality time you have together. If all he does is replace that time with more porn, than you need to get out of the relationship. IF he reacts more positively, than you have just opened up a line of communication. As long as you feel comfortable that he understands your point of view, respects it and is willing to do what it takes to make you happy (and it won't happen all at once) than you can start reinstating privileges....slowly. Instead of you doing the laundry, he should do it. Instead of you cooking while he watches porn, cook together (he can be your assistant - even if it's just cleaning up after you or putting water to boil)...slowly but surely your relationship should grow stronger.

Also, re-evaluate whether you want to ever watch porn with him again. IF you do, maybe stay away from the hardcore stuff and go toward the sensual stuff made for couples that is more realistic to what YOU look like in bed. OR maybe make your own video to watch later (just PLEASE make sure YOU keep the copy and keep it off the internet).

Remember, this is an all or nothing thing - if at any time you don't feel it working - move on. Simple as that...you may love him, but if he can't find a way to love you the way YOU need to be loved, someone else will.

Originally Posted by Bonita

Im new to womens health, and I only have registered beacuse I am in DIRE need of help. Porn is ruining my relationship. My boyfriend is addicted to porn watching and I cannot handle anymore. When I first knew him I knew that he was into watching porn, which I am ok with. However he doesnt just like it, hes addicted to internet porn and dvds and has subscriptions to almost every porn mag. He has apx 50-60 dvds. I am a beautiful confident woman with myself, however I always feel like im being compaired to those porn star women but my bf constantly feels the need to watch this stuff on a daily basis. It really makes me feel like **** about myself in the fact that he would rather watch that and "service" himself in secret rather than be with me. I try to talk to him about this but it always turns into an argument. It got so bad one day I was crying while having sex (he didnt know this.) I feel like I cant even leave the room or leave the house otherwise he will just look at more porn. He even looks at this stuff while im cleaning the house or cooking or doing laundry!! It is turly ruining me, and he feels im being rediculous. I like to watch porn too on occasion, but im to my breaking point. This whole porn thing is ruining my self isteem and my relationship. I just dont know how to handle this situation beacuse he thinks my opinion is BS or ******. He tells me im beautiful on ocassion and tells me he loves me back everyday, but how can someone keep doing this when it is ruining the "true me." I also feel like we never make love its always just having sex like in the movies. I NEED ADVISE PLEASE!

His behavior sounds like an addiction. Addictions are notoriously difficult to fight. I suggest you try to have a talk with him. Maybe offer to watch it with him, but for him to agree not to watch it alone. If he can't do that, and won't seek counseling, you should probably leave. Don't make a scene out of it, just let him know why.

Think of it as simliar to a drug or alcohol addiction. You don't want to spend your life with an addict, no matter how nice their other qualities.