Thread: Frustrated with being turned down..

Originally Posted by dallas7

When my husband and I were dating we had intimate times quite often. We lived apart and when one of us would visit the other we practically couldn't keep our hands off each other.

Now we have been living together for a few years and I find myself still just aching for more from him but every time I try to initiate something it's "oh I'm tired..." or something else unless he's been drinking, which seems to be the only time he is open for me to initiate something, but he doesn't drink that often.

We are only intimate once every two weeks, once a week at best and it is driving me crazy. I want to pounce on him half the time but I'm so used to him saying no that I don't even try anymore. He's nice about and says sorry, but still...

It's to the point that I'm wondering if he's having an affair and I'm considering finding one myself if he can't step it up. We are only in our early 20's. I can't imagine it being common for sex drives to not be up to par at that age. We are both reasonably attractive people, young, fit, etc.

I don't know, I'm just so frustrated with it... I wanted to see what other people had to say about the situation.

perhaps he is really tired..is he working too much? if he is only amourous while drinking then perhaps he is under stress from his job or his finances or other family situations..on your next day off, go to dinner and a movie, dress sexy, flirt and tease him until he can't wait to get you home..if that fails perhaps he is in a rut..good luck..

hi dallas7,
i'm so sorry about this frustration you may be feeling. this is a tough one. i have gone through this before with my ex husband it is not a good feeling at all!! well when i was married to my ex everything was peachy for awhile but it started to go down hill and i was noticing changes in him. i didn't change as a person except i was a mommy of 2 boys and worked alot to keep things going but in the bedroom i didn't feel any different at all about my desires for my hubby then even if i was exausted from work, cleaning the house, and taking care of the kids. i had a full plate everyday but i still wanted my hubby in that way. well he started to change and wanted nothing to do with me. his actions spoke very loudly to me at least. he just wasn't sexually attracted to me anymore. for what reasons i don't know and still 11 years later don't know. i don't want to know anyway it's not important now. not saying that your man may be cheating but mine sure was. i had this gut feeling deep down that he was. i had to play detective and that really sucked!!!! he made me feel like i was crazy or something like i was just imagining these changes in him. i know i wasn't though. i don't know how much you guys comunicate and how well you guys do but maybe just be blunt and straight forward with him on this subject. tell him that you love him and still desire him and ask him why and what has changed his feelings about sex with you. really i haven't met a man that just turns down sex. men are very sexual creatures. maybe you can try to spice up things in the bedroom like sexy lingire or maybe whipped cream. just a few suggestions. just don't let him make you feel like this is your fault in anyway. you are not an inadaquit women for his feelings toward not wanting to have sex with you. now i am married to a wonderful man. we have been together for 7 years and our sex life is the same now as it was when we first met. you don't have to settle for less. your young and deserve to be happy and in a fulfilling relationship. well good luck to you and hang in there......

i know this is a late post, but seriously....once a week? i'd kill to have it once a week. it could be worse for you so get over it.

1. he's got someone else on the side taking care of his needs, if he used to be regular with me.
2. there is something physical/psychological
and if there is proof neither is the issue, I'd say I need more attention, or a divorce...truthfully.