Thread: Okay problem with oral...

ok my though on this is you need to talk and find out truly why you don't want to give you man a BJ. You say you don't want to feel like a booty call well. you need to adress that with your man so you don't feel that way. If there are other reasons as you don't like it you need to address that. I agree you shouldn't be forced to do it and should want to. After all if you are forced it wouldn't be as good. But you should want to. He wants to please you and go down on you to please you so you should also feel the same way.

Tit for tat, if he licks my ***** its only fair that I suck his ****. And on the cum side tell him to pull out and cum on your **** or somthing.

sorry but I can feel his frustration here. It would be as though you loved having your ***** eaten and you man never did it. It could make you wonder what is wrong and give you a complex. Well think how he feels!

Originally Posted by Fallen1

I didn't know there was a set of rules for sex for what you should and should not do.

A girl or a guy should not be "forced" to do anything that makes them uncomfortable period. Also, neither party should ever feel that they have to do something because their partner does this or that for them, to me that seems kind of a childish type attitude in a sense. BUT, with that being said I do realize that people have their needs and if a particular need is not met then frustration sets in and that can lead to other problems.

Question for you anon - if you were receiving a blow job and it was by a girl that really wasn't into it and just didn't want to do it do you think it would it be as pleasurable for you?

No it wouldn't. I suppose that's where you anticipate what your partner wants and do it without looking unhappy and forced, haha. My girlfriend at first didn't like giving blowjobs, but I trained her up and now her most powerful orgasms are with my penis in her mouth.

As for there being no things in sex someone "should" do, I'm sure if you were replying to a man that never wanted vaginal sex, only anal, that he's missing out one of the essentials. There's nothing specifically that you NEED to do, but you SHOULD do whatever you can to make sure that your partner is happy. Even if you just think about it selfishly - the better sex you give, the better your recieve. I think placing some misplaced feminism before a healthy sex life for you and your partner is counter-productivem - and that probably "degrading" is an excuse anyway, she probably just thinks it's dirty and too close - that's what sex is, get used to it...

As for blowjobs specifically - yes, it's a reason enough to end a relationship (if TV has taught me anything, it's that the reverse is quite true too) - although it seems like this guy should've escaped sooner, as now he's got a child to her he's going to be sexually unsatisfied permanently, which will only end badly. Either an unhappy man, or a cheating man.

Anon: I'm bisexual, and you guessed right: I was pointing out that both acts are pretty tiring. I don't think most girls understand the "numb tongue," but it's a killer!
I'm reading this relationship self-help psychobabble gobbledygook book called Actually it IS Your Parents' Fault. It's pretty amazing, actually, and it talks about relationship issues as a "Rel-Con" (relationship condition) number ... and bringing up inside issues to others; fighting in front of others; is part of the worst condition. It shows that the discussion inside the relationship (if it exists) isn't enough to deal with the problem, and the problem is just mounting.

my two cents:

i never liked doing it in the past either and often i didn't. at first i didn't do it to my husband , but once i started doing it for my husband i loved it. i saw how much pleasure it gave him and suddenly i wanted to do it. i thought about doing it to him during the day, night whenever...LOL!

it takes him a long time to finish so its mostly a warm up for us, but there were a few times it was too much for him and he gave me a signal so i wouldn't swallow it, cause i know i don't like that. (i have a gag reflex in the way back of my throat and that would seriously make me throw up)

maybe you can tease him. do it for just a little, and then have sex. that could be a comprimise...

Originally Posted by misskitty3

my two cents:

i never liked doing it in the past either and often i didn't. at first i didn't do it to my husband , but once i started doing it for my husband i loved it. i saw how much pleasure it gave him and suddenly i wanted to do it. i thought about doing it to him during the day, night whenever...LOL!

it takes him a long time to finish so its mostly a warm up for us, but there were a few times it was too much for him and he gave me a signal so i wouldn't swallow it, cause i know i don't like that. (i have a gag reflex in the way back of my throat and that would seriously make me throw up)

maybe you can tease him. do it for just a little, and then have sex. that could be a comprimise...

Amen! I was exactly the same way and now no I dont do it all time by any means but I do get on top and give head enough so he knows I care, he also knows that being on top makes me tired..he he when I REEALLY dont want to be on top I breathe so so loud and he is like oh baby are you tired and i say yes but I want to make you happy then he thinks I am working soo hard andI get all the good times ... but seriously this sounds harsh but suck it up a little and give him what he wants I mean that in the nicest way possible

The reality is this - I don't think anyone here would tell you to do anything you don't feel comfortable doing - we are all just trying to understand why you feel that way.

I understand your feelings of being degraded by oral sex - my wife felt that way at first (I was the first guy she gave oral to)...but once she realized that I loved her and only loved her more for doing it to please me, she was happy to do it.

If you are having this man's baby, you should be beyond booty call status. Plus, it's not his fault you fell victim to being a booty call. You are in a serious relationship and need to leave those booty call feelings behind. You go to bed every night with a man who wants to please you...he's not calling you up for head at 2AM on a Tuesday...he's starting a family with you.

If you can't work through it on your own, than you should seek help. You have issues that will eventually cause him to resent you for the way you act.

well i've been depressed after reading some of your comments, don't take my reaction as a misunderstanding, I respect your advice, and i did ask a question & i expected answers i didnt wanna hear, because I wanted a perspective. But i feel like i've trapped him, like someone up in the midst of the replies wrote, and I'm afraid that he's not sharing with me that he feels that way. Its not that I don't want to pleasure him- I'm comfortable having sex with him, and what i meant by booty calls is just that i've been used before, not by my bf, and im not concerned that my boyfriend is using me for sex either. He geniuinely loves me, and i guess i doubt myself too. I picture myself giving him oral, and then just feeling mixed emotions about it in my head, and not being able to focus on making him feel good. But the other part is I am the master at hand jobs as i've heard from him, especially when we're in the shower, I have a whole bunch of different ways that literally brings him to his knees! So I love to see him get off, but its just completely different for me when it comes to oral. Nevertheless, i don't have a problem with some licking along with a handjob, does anyone think that would be a better compromise?

Originally Posted by son2beamomma2

Nevertheless, i don't have a problem with some licking along with a handjob, does anyone think that would be a better compromise?

It would certainly be a start. You may actually find you like it - hopefully (for both you and your partner). I wonder if he'll be frustrated at the semi-progress but I'm sure he'll appreciate that you're trying for him... I think the more you do this sort of thing the more comfortable you'll feel with doing it.

That's what I was thinking before I got to your last reply: don't give him a full bj if you don't feel comfortable. There's plenty else you can do. Just work in some tonguing and teasing while you give him the handjob - there's no law that says you have to suck him down your throat and swallow. You can just put the head in your mouth and use your hands on the rest of him - lubricate him with your mouth and then use your mouth just at the head and have your head and hands make the same motion. Or use your hands on his penis and lick and suck on "the boys" - I'm pretty sure any way you use your mouth on him will be greatly appreciated. And maybe by starting there you can or will work up to wanting to give him the full monty. If you don't, you don't. I love giving head.

One other tip - I used to think being on top meant just bouncing up and down, but I never really liked it so much. A girlfriend told me to stretch out my legs on either side of his - it feels so much better to me, our bodies are competely touching and it puts my breasts right about where his mouth is, my clit gets more action in that position, and your weight is on your hands holding yourself up instead of tiring out your leg muscles. It is de-licious. Give that a try.

Another thing you can try while on top is have him move you, my bf is alrage guy and can throw me around if he wants so when Im on top he moves me the way he wants and it takes alot of the work off of me and that I appreciate
Also use your mouth and suck on his neck and chest before going straight to business it will turn him on and make him crrrazy then in turn when you see how much you turn him on it should help you through some of your timidness,
How long have yall been together? Do you think you maybe are just going through a slump I mean that happens and it is normal