Thread: Okay problem with oral...

I'm not sure if this is too innapropriate for this forum, but i really need some advice, on what to do. I am 6 months pregnant, and have been having some sexual issues with my boyfriend.


welll the only problem is our sex life sometimes, like he always complains that i don't get on top enough, and that i dont give him blow jobs and he feels like he does all the work. Well first like ive told him before, i don't like giving head, its nothing personal towards him, its just ive been used as a 'booty-call' in my past with other men and i just find it degrading and im not comfortable with it. But because I don't want to he calls me lazy. He's always eating me out and pleasuring me, and i give him hand-jobs all the time but thats not enough. Honestly i overall just don't like it, i don't like the swallowing his 'load' part either.. and ive told him he doesnt have to give me oral thats his choice to.. and its progressively created some problems... well before i get to that part ill talk about why i don't like being on top alot... well, think of it ladies, and this might just be because im pregnant but men, all they have to do is gyriate their hips back and forth, like i could do that for hours and hours. But us, we have to use our legs to bounce up n down and that takes alot of energy! I get exhausted when im on top and i only can go for like a minute at the most. The wierd part is that when we start to have sex & it feels sooo good that i like cum & orgasm right away, and so after a little while im like done... and he hasnt gone yet. This happens almost like everytime we have sex.. im just easily stimulated lol haha okay so on to the problems now, like today i wanted to have sex, and he wanted me to give him a blow job, i said no, n then he said that he wouldnt have sex with me unless i went down on him first, i gave him a good hand job but like i said that gets boring for him quick.. so when he started stimulating me i was immediately like okay lets do it, and he kept persisting that he wanted head! so he starts beating off, n i start to take off my clothes anyway, i start playing with my boobs to turn him on a little more.. but by the time i finish taking off my clothes he already came! I was soo mad.. and then later on me and him were kind of joking around and arguing about who's the boss in the relationship and i said i was the boss but just kidding you know, and two of his friends were in the room and then he just blurts out "you cant be the boss if your not taking charge and giving me head" something like that, blurting out our sexual life in front of his friends.. and then i just shot something back like "Thats why I am the boss, I don't go down on u " but of course thats not how i really think about the situation but he just kinda led me to say it lol.. so yeah basically i need advice on this...
like should i just please him even if i don't want to? or should i just stand my ground?

What I'm going to give you is a male opinion.

It sounds like he's trying his best to sexually fulfill you, and you aren't doing the same for him. I understand that some women have a problem with it and find it degrading, but is it really any less 'degrading' for a man? It's just pleasuring your partner. It's not fantastic having a crick in your neck and a tongue that feels like it's going to fall off, but we do it to make you happy, to fulfill you (and many of us enjoy it, too).

As for hand jobs, we can give ourselves hand jobs, and usually better. If he hasn't had sex with you for a while because you're pregnant, he's probably after something warm and soft not another hand. But that aside, it's something that's perfectly natural to want. I think I'd even go so far as to say that I wouldn't marry a woman who hates giving blowjobs.

He probably also thinks it would be a good idea for you to give him head so that he could be closer to orgasm for sex, so he doesn't face the second half if it looking at your bored expression.

Also, guys dont like to be reminded that they're just having their sexual fulfullment completely under your control, how's that for equality :P. I wouldn't like my partner to say that to my friends, and I think it's fairly insensitive for you to say it in front of his, even if it was in jest, as it's a touchy subject - you're dealing with the power heirarchy of the group here. I wouldn't have brought it up the exlicits if I were him though. He was probably just expressing frustation that he thinks you're a bit of a stick-in-the-mud or whatever.

Yeah, sex is easier for us men, we have more muscle, and are stronger, and perhaps the logistics are slightly different. However, it isn't a good feeling to feel like you're doing all the work (which you've given a fairly good impression of), and even a good effort from you would be greatly apprectiated. It also lets us know that the whole process is reciprocal! if you're at least vaguely fit you should be putting in some effort, and even otherwise it's probably the most fun way to work out, so take the opportunity to burn some calories.

It seems he's a good guy for still giving you head when you refuse him, I wouldn't. Probably. He's probably just hoping you'll get the hint.

As for him coming without you, I think you're crazy because he took control of the situation from you, decided that if you weren't willing to play his game he wasn't willing to play yours.


^ That's going to sound harsh, but like I said, this is just a male opinion, I'm sure a few girls around here will tell you he's a jackass and you're normal, but you have to think about both parties here. No offence meant to any of this.

It is my opinion and one that I have always had, it is that no woman should be forced to be a man's plumber. Oral sex on a man must be done with love and want. If she does not want it she should have to do it. She has already stated that it was OK for him not to do this to her. She has made this plain...

When I married I did not go down on my husband. To tell you the truth, I never knew that they did this. I told you all once I was born on the far side of the moon....The first time he asked me to I said no. Not that politely, but I said no. Maybe the second and third time too. It took me a long time to really have any curiosity about this act. Gradually I got better and had no problem when he wore a condom during the time we used birth control. A woman does not consider the ejaculate of a man the way a man looks at himself. If we want it we will do it.

By forcing a woman to do this, or should I say trying to force a woman to do this, she will hate it more. Again I will say she should not be forced to empty him out. Crude but that is what it is.

Over the years I grew. I found a new part of me. Maybe part of it came with having a few drinks under my belt or maybe part of it because a man that I adored who never tried to force this act on me again. Yet saying this he gave me oral constantly. And may I say he is the best at is that the world has ever known.

I changed as this woman may change. By my 50's it was time for me to rock and roll and I embraced all ways of sexual happiness and am probably more on top of my game than I have ever been in my life. I do not say this with pride, I say this with humility. All this is due to one thing........A man who loved me enough not to push me......A man who waited for the sexual woman in me to let loose and be all that any man can ever want......

She should be happy........Don't swallow unless you want to.....Don't hate sex because of this act and possibly ruin it for you someday....I think you sound just great......

When the blog site is up boy am I going to have a go at this one....Just from letters....

Originally Posted by anonymouswhitefemale

...is it really any less 'degrading' for a man? It's just pleasuring your partner. It's not fantastic having a crick in your neck and a tongue that feels like it's going to fall off, but we do it to make you happy, to fulfill you (and many of us enjoy it, too).

And oh my GOD, did I think my tongue was going to fall off! It's quite a different feeling from thinking your jaw is going to fall off, though. That's not to say it's better ... or worse ... just different.
Certain sex acts are what you make of them. Some people "get off" on being in control. Others get off on not having to do any work, just sitting back and relaxing.
Telling him, "well, then you don't have to do it to me" is a little bit infantile. It's like saying "I don't want to do the dishes. Don't do my dishes for me, though." Those dishes are still stinking up the sink. It may not be his responsibility to do the dishes you dirtied, and maybe he doesn't even need those dishes to cook what he wants to eat. Those dishes are still stinking up the sink. Nobody should tell you that you have to do the dishes; that's wrong. But if he's made clear that it's something he wants done, something that bothers him immensely, shouldn't you give it some time? Some thought? You're both giving each other ultimatums, and that isn't healthy.
Would things be fair if the shoe were on the other foot? If a woman complained that her partner didn't take the time or self-control to hold back his orgasm until she could get hers, God forbid! Slow it down; work him a while before going for it for yourself. I'm right with you with sex on top though ... we don't get to rock our hips; we have to move our whole bodies, since our muscles (especially in that region!) aren't built the same way men's muscles are.
Seems like, if this is a NEW problem, that there had to have been some trigger for it, psychological or otherwise. How does he feel about your pregnancy? How do YOU feel about it? Could be that one or both of you has some anxiety about how the addition to your family is going to change your dynamic, so you're acting out against each other in the bedroom.
The main thing you'll probably need to do is wait it out.
Your pregnancy hormones could be messing with you, or you could have a genuine problem on your hands, but either way ... you've got a child on the way with this man, you're tied together for the duration of that child's life, and you have a moral obligation to figure out what's wrong that's translating to bedroom issues, and see what you can do to either compromise or work it out.

Little, you always give such great advice!

Originally Posted by Little

And oh my GOD, did I think my tongue was going to fall off! It's quite a different feeling from thinking your jaw is going to fall off, though. That's not to say it's better ... or worse ... just different.

In case you misunderstood, I was talking about giving oral to the woman (maybe you are too ?), saying that both are not immensely (physically) enjoyable. Anyhow, I think it's mainly important just to give it a go, it's actually upsetting to have a partner that's grossed out by the one body part they should be getting real familiar with. Even if you hate blowjobs as such, even a little licking would go down a treat.

Oh, I would've edited but it's been disabled:

I would also like to point out that CarloineWH's opinion is one of the previous generation, and she is coming from different social upbringing or whatever, the young generation is generally more sexually "free", so please don't think that not giving blowjobs is acceptable, as most of your partners will be VERY dissapointed.

Originally Posted by anonymouswhitefemale

.... so please don't think that not giving blowjobs is acceptable .......

I didn't know there was a set of rules for sex for what you should and should not do.

A girl or a guy should not be "forced" to do anything that makes them uncomfortable period. Also, neither party should ever feel that they have to do something because their partner does this or that for them, to me that seems kind of a childish type attitude in a sense. BUT, with that being said I do realize that people have their needs and if a particular need is not met then frustration sets in and that can lead to other problems.

Question for you anon - if you were receiving a blow job and it was by a girl that really wasn't into it and just didn't want to do it do you think it would it be as pleasurable for you?

son2beamomma2, Maybe sit down and have a good talk about it. Explain to him that it's not him, it's just how you feel. Maybe you two can come up with some kind of compromise or even some kind of plan (if you're willing) to ease yourself into getting comfortable with it.

Originally Posted by anonymouswhitefemale

Oh, I would've edited but it's been disabled:

I would also like to point out that CarloineWH's opinion is one of the previous generation, and she is coming from different social upbringing or whatever, the young generation is generally more sexually "free", so please don't think that not giving blowjobs is acceptable, as most of your partners will be VERY dissapointed.

Here I agree with you. I was from a different time and a different place. I did not know what I did not know. There are so many things to write about this but it cannot be done now. I was wrong but not in my mind. I had to change as a woman and unless this woman is able to do this she cannot accept it. I question this BF of her's telling everyone what he knows sexually.

What I do and what I am is just a shadow of what I used to be....Now I am off for the day with the love of my life.....I will write more on this later....A man must be pleasured. That is why so many marriages fail.