Little

We get a lot of traffic on this forum from young people who are confused about sex. Often, they simply state their ages, but sometimes they leave that information out.
They get asked, though. Maybe there was a problem with their grammar, or a lack of prior knowledge that one could only attribute to youth.
The question is: does it matter?
Obviously, it matters and speaks volumes that "children" are becoming sexual earlier. But what implies childhood? According to ABC news, the average age of the first period in 1830 was 17. Now it's 13. What does that bode?
Younger girls are dealing with more adult hormones sooner.
I had the unique position in high school to be a role model for younger girls. My senior year, I was in charge of my NJROTC unit, which had coincidentally attracted a larger group of female cadets than usual as first-years. As someone from a less than enjoyable family background, less than stable mental constitution, and downright below-par physical abilities, I was someone they could relate to as well as confide in.
I had cadets who did drugs, needed anti-depressants, drank heavily, had casual sex, depended on men for their self-esteem, self-harmed, ... the list goes on. All of them were around the age of 14.
I notably had one girl pull me aside one morning and show me her cut wrists. As a recovering self-harmer, it scared the daylights out of me.
The thing is, these were all bright individuals, full of life and with plenty of potential. They all knew they were making choices that weren't quite stellar. And they definitely weren't, and aren't alone. Their stories and choices were quite common with their peer group.
I could have told them, "don't do that." I could have told them all day, tired out my lungs from it. Not even their parents could control their behavior (if they'd even learned about it,) so how was I supposed to?
Instead, I chose to educate them. Seventeen magazine, a mother with mental problems, and a slew of my own problems had left me with enough hard-earned knowledge to share.
Maybe it sounds funny, but they responded really quite well to my information. Could be because they were happy to have someone who wasn't on their case.
The point is that human beings, young, old, male, or female, are pretty stubborn creatures, and they're fascinated by the taboo. If you tell someone not to do something, it may very well make them more likely to do it, and do it without the defense of information.
Don't withhold your valuable knowledge. Not from yourself, and not from others.

(Please feel free to expound and rebut as you wish. This isn't my soapbox; I'd like to hear other opinions as always.)

Still Nobody

How did you present the information to those girls without making it sound like you were "on their case"? That, it seems to me, is why so many girls (and some guys, too) find it hard to go to their parents about things.
In my experience, and the exeriences of some of my friends, the parents were the last people you wanted to go to because it seemed like they didn't want to talk or listen. That's why we always went to friends with problems, which is funny since those friends were just as confused and mixed up as us.
I remember my and my old friends talking about this, and it came down to the fact that the parents were problem solvers and not listeners. Talking to them about stuff turned into a speech and then it felt like -- yes, they were getting on my case.

I'll bet those girls were pretty relieved that they had someone else to talk to. So, how did you go about it?

SorridLives

Little, I understand what you are saying, or at least I think I do. However, I have to say, I am here for the entertainment value at least as much as the discussion sometimes. I just don't find some questions and "problems" make me want to take the time to post an answer. If it is presented in a way where I think the person (whatever age) is really seeking some answer and *not just a kick out of getting "a response" (a reaction)*, then I may post a reply.

misskitty3

little,

i am a big sister to two. my middle sister became pregnant with her second baby at age 22. and she is due in a couple of months and has a three year old already. my point here is that she never came to me with questions or advice about sex. not saying that's the reason why she got pregnant at 17 but i wish i could've informed her.

my youngest sister (and her friends) have come to me asking my advice more than once, and my sis hasn't had sex yet. but they know about it. and their generation is more open to sharing i think.

point is, that i will always offer my advice and opinions no matter what age anyone is or how immature the questions sound. knowledge is power. i wish i had someone to tell me. all my mother said to me when i had my first boyfriend at 13 was "don't get pregnant" thanks mom! LOL!

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Miss Kitty

anonymouswhitefemale

Young people get into ****** stuff, young.

I know a 14 year old heroine addict. As for talking to parents about almost anything that goes on in you're life - you can't. They're sybols of power, not of trust and friendship.

It was pretty much standard amongst my peer group to me smoking marijuana and drinking alcohol in fields at the age of 14/15 (UK) with harder drugs at 16-17 (E, Cocainem, MDMA, LSD etc), and generally this level of mature actions lead to other forms... (regrettably not for me at that age heheh).

It's part of life, and it's here to stay. What I see when someone young posts on this forum is the same attitude that they're trying to get away from - that of their parents - an authoritarian, moralistic and preaching lecture. The fact that a question is asked by a young person, means they feel they've got noone else to talk about it with - they turn to the internet, and get told by (perhaps anachronisticly out of touch elders) that they shouldn'e be doing it, that they should wait, etc etc.


As far as drugs go - a bit unrelated I know - but what used to be my best friend when I was younger, smoked way to much cannabis, and abused cocaine and ecstacy, to the point where he got cannabis psychosis, actually went fairly mental and stuff. This was him acting out and exploring when he was 14 - the authoritarian might of his parents didn't do anything, and there was nobody else to straighten him out. He's still FAR from recovered at 23.

Fallen1

I am a parent of two boys. One who will be 23 this year and one that will be 16. I think that if you ask both of them I have never demonstrated such with either of them .... but then again I've been told I'm not your average mom. I told both my children they can come to me with anything and I mean it. I've listened to them and gave them my opinion, what they do with that opinion is their decision in the end, I can't force them to be something they aren't. Of course if it's something that is destructive/harmful etc. that's a different story. I truly understand what you are saying. So many children feel they cannot talk with their parents, and the majority of them are probably right - and that is a real shame.

Little, WH and those young people you speak of are very lucky to have you here.

Little

You know, I'm not sure. Living in the Bible Belt, though, I'm sure that any lack of complete disbelief and disapproval was an improvement on their other authority figures.
I think a lot of the conversations started out, "I don't think you should be doing that, but if you're going to do it, what's important is you get the information to stay safe."
Plenty of my cadets had parental issues on top of just your average controlling parent. Divorcées who decided to turn back into teenagers rather than get over the pain and be parents, complete absence in one parent or the other, or one completely off his/her rocker.
(One parent b*tched me out over the composition of a drill routine. That lady needed a chill pill.)
In those cases, I just became a listener, because I was living my best advice: "Just wait until you're 18, safe up money, fly low, and move out."

SorridLives, the funny thing was when I started out at this board, it was largely for entertainment, too. Or at least, other peoples' problems seemed so much bigger than mine, and I felt lucky.
But nowadays I cringe at the bad grammar (I'm a language nutcase) and I feel bad for the ladies who just don't know, don't have anyone to talk to, or have been given information that was wrong. So, I feel compelled to write, even if it may be a total hoax.
I've got an "interesting" viewpoint on the topic of sex (as Anon's been confused by in a recent thread ^-^,) so I like to give it. I stay out of the boards where I don't know anything. I hate myself for giving anecdotal information (it's considered a logical fallacy) but I think it makes people feel better. Cold, hard information can be a little hard to swallow.
I'm always ecstatic to hear that good parents exist. I don't know firsthand what good parenting looks like, to be honest. And bad parenting is arguably the root of so many bad choices I've made or seen made.

dawn9800

Ahh some of the grammar here does make me want to cry! But I really do when I ask how old someone is I just want to know..I hear myself in some of the questions and just am curious to know of the person asking is the same age I was/am when asking...

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[♥]Jessica Dawn[♥]

LadyLane

"As for talking to parents about almost anything that goes on in you're life - you can't. They're sybols of power, not of trust and friendship." -

Woah!! I take SUCH offense to that comment! My daughter is a toddler, but I hope NEVER to elicit that comment from her. My parents - although I have a very controlling mother - always, always encouraged my sisters and I to come to them. I remember calling my dad from a high school keg party because my friends were way too wasted to drive. He came and got us, and I didn't get punished beceause I did the right thing. We were fifteen. I have a list of things like that I could relay. Yeah, I smoked alot of weed and drank pretty much whenever I could, but I do feel, even at my old age, that its normal and kids are going to do it 9 times out of 10, regardless of lectures or promises of punishment or whatnot.

Little has a point which was kind of left in the dust in her post: Girls nowadays get their periods at 13. Their bodies are maturing very quickly, but their minds aren't catching up with their bodies! Media, internet, cell phones - they're fed soooo many images - and, I know this may start a fight, but most children nowadays are so spoiled and indulged by parents making up for a childhood they found lacking, or spoiled and indulged by parents who work more than they're home, or spoiled and indulged by guilt-ridden divorced parents - maybe they're cutting and binge drinking and having rainbow parties and losing their virginity in seventh grade because they have no reins put on them. Parents today don't want respect from their children, they want acceptance; they want to be liked by their children. But that's not our job.

Our job is to steer them in the right direction and to do the right thing by them, which entails punishing them, having rules, monitoring friendships, emails, putting GPS on cell phones. Its a JOB!! It's my JOB to make sure my daughter is a polite, respectful, useful member of society. And hopefully while I am doing my job, she'll always remember that I am her landing strip, her "soft place to fall" (never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I'd quote Dr. Phil), her cheerleader, and her guide. Maybe I'm deluding myself for what's to come, but I refuse to believe that.

Oh God, sorry that was so long. But I come here to help people with their questions and/or experiences by relating my own - sometimes I even Google something they're asking about and come back with the information. If a young girl or boy comes here to ask questions, my first instinct is to think, Wow, they have no one else to ask. And that is very unfortunate. So if I can give them a straight answer, I do.

Oh, the grammar here at times is completely appalling. I read a post the other day that was completely spelled phonetically. I was speechless. Then I have to remember that not everyone who posts here uses English as their first language. When I see posts where people type the way they text on cell phones, then I assume they're under around 22 years old.

Little

I can tell the difference between an ESL student and the product of failing Language Arts programs.
The people who use archaisms are usually ESL. They misspell and their words are often in the wrong order
An English-speaker will use abbreviations, AOL-ese (which is what we called it before texting became popular ;D), and slang.
It's the second one that makes me beat my head on the keyboard.
But that's just another thing: Parents on the whole don't give their children enough attention to really care whether or not they do well in school. They will punish them when report cards come out (maybe,) but will do nothing to ensure that the grades are coming up, so when the kid goes to college, s/he fails each and every one of his/her classes. If they don't coerce their significant other into doing their papers so they'll pass (another true story!)
I am stuck with the overwhelming desire to congratulate parents I hear in public places disciplining their children. The ones who, without any emotion, say things like, "Well, if you're going to do that, you're not getting anything" in a store, or my personal favourite, "If that's supposed to be a fit, you're doing it all wrong."
I can't get enough of parents who actually try to be parents. They're amazing folks, and I wish more people would understand that if they don't do their jobs as parents, they're opening doors for their children to become individuals ridden with psychological baggage, unproductive in society, the whole nine yards.