Thread: My wife is grateful for my porn

Originally Posted by MiniVanMan

And yes, my tone has changed since this thread started. I've talked myself into a bit of a frenzy and I apologize. I am a happy-go-lucky guy for the most part, but this particular subject can really get me going. Don't most of us post here because we want to either gripe about our lives or we want to help someone? I'm just venting, and appreciate all your comments.

van,

please don't apologize. i pointed out the tone change simply to make a point - typically, people first present their use of porn & their spouse's acceptance of it in one light, but when we uncover a few layers we find something different.

i'm just suggesting that your tone seems to indicate that you're not as satisfied with things as you seemed to be in your first post. and i'm questioning whether or not porn is doing such a good job satisfying what's wrong. that's obviously up to you - i already think porn offers false hope & is an imposter of things that are real. your "true feelings" that are surfacing here only serve to confirm that for me. you're able to get off when you want to, and have a relatively good time doing it - but the problem still exists & causes you to feel bitter & angry. it seems to me that porn has done little to help.

i also appreciate your honesty regarding your wife's looks. i understand the comments from other posters, but i didn't think you were diminishing your wife's appeal so much as you were recognizing the obvious: your wife is real; porn is fake. it is impossible for a real woman to ever replicate a fake image presented in porn. body parts are airbrushed & photoshopped to look a certain way - a way that is not real. sex acts in hardcore porn are staged & prepared for, hours of stop & go, reapplying make up, women collecting themselves after something painful - then the whole thing is edited.

imagine a woman trying to compete with that? it's an unending treadmill destined to fail. you'll never be able to airbrush yourself in your bedroom. your thighs are your thighs - you can't edit them.

sadly, girls are hopping onto that treadmill typically before the age of 10 - a treadmill that owes it's very existence largely - not exclusively - to porn.

i would offer that this is reason enough for you to give it up.

I don't find thinking it's sad that he thinks the *****'s in porn are hotter than his wife anymore shameful than him thinking that, actually. And that's not a dig, I'm just saying, it's a shame he has to feel that way. And I don't hate men at all! That's a little silly, what does a simple opinion about the OP have to do with my opinion on ALL men? Lord...

Honestly, I felt for him up until that point. It wasn't, "Oh, poor man, has to resort to porn to get his rocks off!" It was more, "He and his wife aren't sexually involved anymore even though he'd enjoy it, that's terrible." And then, I suppose, his true feelings about his wife came out. Do I doubt at all that he loves her? Not even a little bit. Do I think he finds her attractive? Well, I don't know. I think she's his wife, and she's what's there, so he wants to have sex with her. It's obvious she's not comparing to those women in porn for him, and if I was constantly compared to them like she is, OOOH trust me- I'd fail that test, too.

I don't feel I lashed out, but I may have- I have my own hang up's about porn, and I put myself in his wife's shoes. "How would I feel if my husband was wacking it to porn all the time? How would I feel if he thought they were hotter than I am?" It may have touched a nerve, and for that, I AM sorry, MiniVan. Truly.

But I think people are forgetting that this is a public place to talk about private issues and problems, many of them very touchy. There will be opinions that you don't agree with- Is it appropriate to call them shameful or "man haters" because of it? No. It is an opinion, and everyone's entitled to one, popular or not. I was not attacking the OP, and neither was anyone's else. We were giving opinions, just like everyone else.