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Thread: Why does my husband masterbate in his sleep?

  1. #21
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    We do have sex often and there are times not has much because of work. Do you think he has depression? He's great with the kids seems to be happy when playing with them coaching baseball for my son. Teaching are daughter kick boxing. Just don't get this masterbating.

  2. #22
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    Well you can either give him a pass on this, or try to make him talk about it, either to you or someone else. If everything is going fine in his life then maybe it's just about relieving tension, but he should still be giving YOU the chance to do that for him.

  3. #23
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    Angel, how often do you have sex with him? I am assuming not often enough. He probably wants sex every day and not getting it from you. So he is releasing by other means. Most men masturbate. The frequency of his masturbation will really depend on how often he has sex with his wife. If you have a very active sex life, he probably wouldn't feel a need to masturbate all the time.

  4. #24
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    At first it sounded like you were concerned about him masturbating in his sleep and staining the sheets/leaving a mess that he wasn't cleaning up/etc.
    Now it sounds like you don't want him masturbating at all?
    Most people masturbate. Male or female. Even when they're getting all the sex they want from their partners. Does it hurt your feelings that he masturbates? You have to be real with yourself as to what EXACTLY is bothering you. How it makes you feel. Or else you're looking for a solution to a situation that isn't the real problem.

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    Quote Originally Posted by angelgirl71 View Post
    I had it with him today he was off from work so I dropped off the kids at school. So I needed to come home to finish get ready for work. I walked into the bed room and he's going to town. I look at him like what the ********** I said why his answer was like I thought you left for work. Whats next anther women? I think I am going to force him to go get help or I'm done.
    Oh dear. Just.... try to be understanding, and get over it. You sound like a nightmare. I'm guessing you see him as some asexual sponser for your children?

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by anonymouswhitefemale View Post
    Oh dear. Just.... try to be understanding, and get over it. You sound like a nightmare. I'm guessing you see him as some asexual sponser for your children?
    It's easy for someone who isn't in her shoes to say "get over it". It's her right to be annoyed or hurt, no matter how dumb anyone thinks her reasoning. And you crossed the line in assuming she sees him as an "asexual "sponser" for her children". She's asking about a specific problem, not your thoughts on her entire relationship and children.

    Angelgirl17, men masturbate. No matter what. Unless you're having sex to the point that he is physically exhausted 24/7, he will jerk off. They just do. Personally, I think it's silly if you're living with your spouse ANDDDD she's willing to have sex whenever you want it that someone would still jerk off. But you two have children, and I'm sure you both have your own lives, and I'm sure you're NOT willing to put out whenever the heck he feels like asking for it. So cut him some slack. He's normal.

    As for the sleep thing, that's pretty strange. My guess is that he knows his masturbation ********es you off, so he probably tries to curb it to keep you happy, and just ends up doing it subconsciously in his sleep. If it annoys you that badly, tell him to do it while he's awake. I'd be pretty PO'd at my boy if I rolled over in the middle of the night and landed in his mess, too.

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little View Post
    At first it sounded like you were concerned about him masturbating in his sleep and staining the sheets/leaving a mess that he wasn't cleaning up/etc.
    Now it sounds like you don't want him masturbating at all?
    Most people masturbate. Male or female. Even when they're getting all the sex they want from their partners. Does it hurt your feelings that he masturbates?
    You have to be real with yourself as to what EXACTLY is bothering you. How it makes you feel. Or else you're looking for a solution to a situation that isn't the real problem.
    I feel when he masterbate that he does want me. That he would rather jerk off than have sex. But he is ready to go if I want to. I asked him when he wakes up from masterbating what did he dream? I don't get a good answer he said that he remember the cumming act. But not with who?

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by angelgirl71 View Post
    I feel when he masterbate that he does want me. That he would rather jerk off than have sex. But he is ready to go if I want to. I asked him when he wakes up from masterbating what did he dream? I don't get a good answer he said that he remember the cumming act. But not with who?

    I don't really know the situation, but it sounds like you've been making him feel really guilty for having these sexual urges. So if I were you, I would apologize for making him feel guilty or making him angry and then explain in a calm voice why it's making you mad. Any reasonable guy would understand why a woman doesn't want ejaculate all over her sheets. He should be willing to work with you. If he's not, ask yourself why. Is he mad at you for how you've handled the situation? Is he a jerk?

    If he's ready to go when you want to, why would you deny him some fun with himself when you're not around? Masturbating isn't some evil terrible thing -- it's natural and it feels wonderful for both men and women. If he still wants you and has sex with you when you want it, what's the problem?

    If you're really concerned about him masturbating in his sleep, ask him to see a doctor, but GO WITH HIM so you can hear firsthand what the doctor has to say. Also, that way you can ask any questions that you might have. But he might not be willing to do this unless you approach it as a way of supporting him instead of attacking him.

    The most important thing is to truly, truly listen to anything he has to say about this. (He should also be willing to listen to anything you have to say.) Be supportive instead of antagonistic. Believe me, that makes all the difference in the world.

  9. #29
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    Some people view their sexual urges as a physical need (I DO!) and going around horny is like going around starving.
    Let's say you aren't hungry as often as your partner. You only need to eat 1 meal a day and he needs 3-4.
    He eats his 3-4 meals because otherwise he would be starving. He doesn't complain about being hungry, just eats because it seemed the normal thing to do. Do you get angry with him for those 2-3 extra meals that you didn't cook, you didn't share in? Do you ask him what he thought about them? Probably not; you view eating as a NEED, not a WANT.
    But if you start telling him, no, you can't eat without me. Eating is a social event; something that we should only share. What can he do? He's starving. He'll sneak a sandwich on the sly ... you catch him, tell him off. He starves and starves all day. What else would he do in his sleep but go to the fridge, eat like a madman, and leave all the dishes and packaging for someone else to clean?
    You are ABSOLUTELY within your right to feel hurt and unwanted. They are YOUR FEELINGS and nobody should negate them. But the others who have defended your husband are also right. He has a sexual urge that he's taking care of himself. He probably doesn't want to be that husband who is accused of only wanting sex from his wife.
    Talk to him about that.
    Sexual urges are natural. We're one of the few species who get pleasure from sex, and yet other animals are still all about it. And though it's about more than "tricking my body into thinking it fulfilled its genetic imperative," it's also very much about that.
    Think hard, and take care.

  10. #30
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    If he wants an additional sexual outlet, masturbation is the best option. Consider the others.....

    If he prefers masturbation to sex with you, that is a problem, but if he only does it when you are not available - what else would you like him to do?

    I am sorry it bothers you, but it is completely normal.

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