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Thread: Why does my husband masterbate in his sleep?

  1. #41
    TEAM ADMIN Array CHANDLERS WISH's Avatar
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    Sure i'll be told here by all of you.

    And i agree with a lot of people, lots of the time but i don't know: -

    I am of the opinion that unless a person, male or female, calls someone here a s......... or simular things that perhaps one should wait and gage the response of the person who created the thread to see whether or not he/she is offended to any answers from anyone, i've coped a bit where it seemed i didn't know, but actually that threader was seeking a "motherly advice" so my answer would not have suited anyway for instance.

    I just think that seeing as the answers are always directed back at that person (the threader) not sexist directed at women in general, let everyone have their opininon agreed or disagreed, and let the threader responde first. She/he may actually see a point instead of then getting confused on he said she said....

    That is why she/he is here. Maybe just a notation that says " i disagree" is suficient otherwise, we are standing up for someone but we don't really know the facts at the end of the day...

    I have read heaps where once revealing more, a different story comes out to the original question. This is in fact one in itself by this threader.

    I know if i wrote a question i would want all opinions, try to be objective, give what for if he/she was totally wrong, thank if right, but if i started reading he said/she said, i would get confused firstly and secondly, may not answer at all after reading all of that.

    I would truly be suprised if this threader does now but you never know.

  2. #42
    Junior Member Array TwinkleToes's Avatar
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    Thumbs up

    I love this analogy! I got quite a chuckle...kinda made me hungry...lol j/k

    Quote Originally Posted by Little View Post
    Some people view their sexual urges as a physical need (I DO!) and going around horny is like going around starving.
    Let's say you aren't hungry as often as your partner. You only need to eat 1 meal a day and he needs 3-4.
    He eats his 3-4 meals because otherwise he would be starving. He doesn't complain about being hungry, just eats because it seemed the normal thing to do. Do you get angry with him for those 2-3 extra meals that you didn't cook, you didn't share in? Do you ask him what he thought about them? Probably not; you view eating as a NEED, not a WANT.
    But if you start telling him, no, you can't eat without me. Eating is a social event; something that we should only share. What can he do? He's starving. He'll sneak a sandwich on the sly ... you catch him, tell him off. He starves and starves all day. What else would he do in his sleep but go to the fridge, eat like a madman, and leave all the dishes and packaging for someone else to clean?
    You are ABSOLUTELY within your right to feel hurt and unwanted. They are YOUR FEELINGS and nobody should negate them. But the others who have defended your husband are also right. He has a sexual urge that he's taking care of himself. He probably doesn't want to be that husband who is accused of only wanting sex from his wife.
    Talk to him about that.
    Sexual urges are natural. We're one of the few species who get pleasure from sex, and yet other animals are still all about it. And though it's about more than "tricking my body into thinking it fulfilled its genetic imperative," it's also very much about that.
    Think hard, and take care.

  3. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by anonymouswhitefemale View Post
    Chelsea and fallen:

    I know that often what I say could be construed offensively. I don't really mind that. I didn't come here to make friends. You girls do know that most of the time you get advice from men they're just telling you what you want to hear so they have a better chance of getting in your pants?

    People come here because they need impartial advice, but all too often it's just a lot of women supporting each other in things which are wrong. Yes, I understand people have feelings, but feelings are not more important than what is right and what is wrong. Also, I think that if a guy tells a woman that from man's point of view she's being ludicrous, she might try to reevaluate herself a bit better than if someone said "you know, I can see where you're coming from, and your right to feel the way you do, although perhaps it may just help a little bit to possibly think about it a bit more?"

    Also, didn't you notice a few women telling her to get over herself?


    Anyway, I'm nice to people if I have a reason to be, otherwise I do my best to get my point across. Given how limiting textual communication can be I think I'm entitled to that freedom.


    So people get insulted from time to time - you can't get through life without getting your pride knocked, and I think we should have a bit more respect for people in that they can handle it a bit better than you think!



    And in case any of you were wondering, im not a complete mysogenist, I talk the same to men as to women.

    Peace.
    Whatever you say. I'm very done trying to discuss anything with you- we are exact opposites and neither of us seem willing to listen to the other. I think we'd both like it better that way.

  4. #44
    TEAM ADMIN Array CHANDLERS WISH's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by anonymouswhitefemale

    You girls do know that most of the time you get advice from men they're just telling you what you want to hear so they have a better chance of getting in your pants?

    See i am a "girl" so i just thought i'd let you know that: -

    Funny, i have a lot of male friends, when we converse, about sex or dating, relationships, we are able to offer each other our advice from a male or female point of view. Then we form our own opinion as we are "indivuduals" not "male or female"...

    They've never tried to get into my pants!!! I'd kill them anyway...

    People come here because they need impartial advice, but all too often it's just a lot of women supporting each other in things which are wrong. Yes, I understand people have feelings, but feelings are not more important than what is right and what is wrong.

    Agree with the first line, but they also come for the support, women to women, and yep, guilty, women have a ******** load of feelings, it's kind of what Nature gave us, i love it actually...

    Light hearted life is the way i like to live....

    PEACE!~!!!

    There is no right and wrong as the threader will always form their own opinion based on what she / he reads..

    Now that is definately my "Opinion".....

    But you know, whilst we feel that this may be the case and have answered our "Opinion", often other things come from it, little twists and you know, you gage another opinion.

    He could in fact be depressed from work as well and needs an outlet to release.

    He could not want to bother her and finds the frequency a necessity for his release.

    But as it's her question we can't ask him.

    Maybe as i think most of us have said offer a bit more in that department you'll soon know if he's just missing a bit more "action"..

    I as a female will say sorry for all this as long as you can take the information you need from it that's all that matters at the end of the day.

    CW

  5. #45
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    Question i think you are so wrong

    Quote Originally Posted by nikki22 View Post
    I agree with you. If he is doing this as a subconscious thing... then it is simply because he is lacking a sex life
    i am 36 and my partner of 3 years is 40 at first he used to masterbate in his boxers and i went mad so many times thats stopped but now he does it when were in bed i cant say asleep as im not sure he is as when i move he moves his hand away, as for doing it cos hes not got a good sex life we have sex upto 6 times every day/night so its not the case at all. hes also started nudging this is where he lays in the recovery position and rubs his tail on the matterss untill it becomes hard the reason i think he knows what hes doing is he never ever comes in bed that happens when i get up in the morning and leave him in bed his goes all the wat then and its breaking my heart i left my husband of 13 years to be with this man and he knows just how much i hate it but denys it why??

  6. #46
    pjc
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    Read about male chastity it works. Take the time to understand men. Make sure it is out of love and respect and yes control. ...................It is not as simple as a one or two sentence description. There is a lot on thought that goes into it. You must learn alot before you place your man in a chastity device. There will be good and bad times. But if you truley try to understand it IT WILL WORK and you will be the KEY HOLDER. Over time your relationship will florish.
    Last edited by CHANDLERS WISH; 07-14-2008 at 05:58 AM. Reason: no advertising allowed

  7. #47
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    This is an interesting thread. All 5 pages (so far) of it. I might as well weigh in my opinion as there seems to be no shortage of them anyway.

    I have had a sexual "energy" that has far exceeded my wife for at least 16 out of the 22 years we've been married. Being married for that long, our sex live together has been better and worse. Sometimes we have had sex 2 or 3 times a week. Sometimes 2 or 3 times a month and at least once it was 8 months without anything.

    Were it not for masturbation, I would not have survived. I still masturbate, but I'd say overall I do so maybe 1 or 2x a week. Currently I have sex maybe 2x per month (not good by my standards, but I love my wife...so what ever.).

    Anyway, during long periods of sexual drought I have had an occasional wet dream. The interesting thing is that there has been no manual manipulation of myself during that dream. It's just a powerful mental activity. If you ladies are curious, sometimes when I've had those dreams, I have awaken at just the right (or wrong dependent upon your perspective) moment. I also have recollection of those dreams and in 100% honesty, they have ALL involved my s/o. I think that's a little weird, because also in honesty, I do fantasize occasionally about other women.

    I have been awaken by my s/o who had said I have been feeling her up to some degree. Either me rubbing her breasts, her bottom or her vajayjay (thanks for that name Oprah).

    In all the junk I've been through I've never masturbated in my sleep. I do believe that there is a condition where someone may do so though and it is not their fault. I can say that if my wife woke me up repeatedly because I had been doing this, I would be WAY disturbed about it and would want to get some help. I think that this may be an appropriate place for a doctor to intervene.

    The thing that gets me the most is how much "leg" this guy is presumably getting. I'm also confounded by the amount of leg that she says she's willing to give. In my case, if I were getting laid 2 x a week, I'd probably masturbate once every couple of months for the heck of it. And I'd probably involve her in that too.

    Just my 2 c worth in 40 paragraphs...sorry for being longwinded.
    Cheers.

  8. #48
    pjc
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    Default answer to masterbation

    Masterbation help read on:
    I have known about male chastity for quite sometime. There are REAL PRODUCTS (ignore the funky kinky stuff) out there that work very well and cannot be seen under clothing. I honestly believe that male chastity should be practiced by more women and their consenting men. Men are thinking about sex quite a bit. They are getting aroused all the time, whether it is their wife or a co-worker or a brief look at women at a coffee shop or even a brief glance of a magazine cover. This does not mean that he is an animal and cannot control himself. This is part of their wiring. It does not mean that w/o a chastity device he would do something (infidelity or fanaticize too much). It also does not mean w/o chastity he would not be attentive to his wifeís needs. What it does mean is that he stays very focused focused focused. Focused on what is supposed to be taking place at that very moment whether at the office or at home cleaning the gutters making dinner etc. When aroused at anytime he will never be able to become erect which will cause him to fight his feelings of sexual mind wondering. During this moment of physical and mental exercise he will feel the pressure and sometimes pain associated with being bound. The pressure reminds him of his wife being with him at all times - essentially it is like he is getting a hug and a sense of belonging. He will be reminded of the KEY HOLDER, his wife. This reminder is not of submissive and dominate situation it is a reminder of a team relationship. He cannot help but think of her.
    Masturbation is a big topic too. We all know that men masturbate. Why do men masturbate??? This is easy to understand: (these are facts)
    1. cannot communicate or afraid to communicate desire
    2. fantasizing over other women
    3. fantasizing over things his wife will not do
    4. out of resentment
    5. selfish personal pleasure
    6. just wants to empty himself out
    All reasons are Inappropriate and very Selfish!!! Masturbation changes a manís attitude. For instance when has a man ever masturbated and then went and cuddled with his wife and told her how much he loves and adores her? Get the point and there are many more points to be made. A chastity device will stop this!!! Again keeping him focused focused focused. A man should NEVER CUM W/O HIS WIFE being a part of it. I do not need to go into detail here; there are countless ways for a significant other to have her man cum, from the very kinky to the sweet and subtle. He will be forced to figure out how to communicate, of course with your guidance and support......
    There is much more to write about Male Chastity, all of which is logical, respectful, and loving. I will start with what I wrote and will continue if there is interest.

    Other topics concerning male chastity that need to be discussed:
    The after orgasm difference between men and women
    The day to day norms that each person must feel and give, respect, love, adoration, etc
    Communication
    Sexual frustration /energy and how to harness it, for truley empowering both parties
    Psychological health of both partners and of the relationship
    How to introduce your husband or significant other to male chastity
    More.........

  9. #49
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    Default sleep masterbation

    If you want a real answer read below...
    Men and women can both suffer from masterbation in their sleep. Most often the person has no idea they did it since they were asleep. It is usually the spouse who brings it to the person's attention and most often it is ignored as a one time incident or not even an issue.
    Your husband does have a high stress job...law enforcement...so his anxiety level is high...in comparison to others. High anxiety leads to poor sleep habits, insomnia. Some people, with high labidos...which your husband would be included since you report he masterbates regularly...will masterbate or even have intercourse when they are asleep.
    First thing...don't blame yourself in anyway...it has nothing to do with you. Secondly, have your husband seek medical attention. By getting treatment for the insomnia, he will no longer masterbate in his sleep, he will feel refreshed when he wakes up and will probably get comments from his fellow officers that he is more tolerable while at work.
    So many people pass off stress as nothing...it is something...it affects every organ in the body!

  10. #50
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    Default Male Chastity +10 points!

    I'm learning all about this practice of male chastity belts. My hubby introduced it to me and it freaked me out at first. I thought it was too kinky for us. After reading about it and ordering one of the devices, I really think it could be a fun, exciting game we can share that will allow me to help him control himself. Anyone out there used these before that could give us advice?

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