Thread: I just need someone else's thoughts

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now and we love each other. Plan on getting married. I like having sex with him, but there are just some things that I'm not sure on. So if anyone could add some insight, that would be great.

Well, as I said, I like to have sex with him.
I guess the first thing is what is the average time that a guy needs to wait in between sex sessions. My guy has to wait hours. Only one time have I gotten him excited within thirty minutes. otherwise, its hours. He says that he needs time to rest, which I understand, but I don't think that it is completely true. He even tells me that he needs to rest if I try to initiate it.
My guy also has an issue with going down on me. He has gone down on my twice in the time we've been dating and I've gone down on him a lot. He said that he didn't like to do it because of the taste and the hair. When we finally talked about (because I wouldn't give him head anymore) he said that he was just joking about that, but then gave no reason as to why he wouldn't do it. First of all, why would he joke about that in first place? That just made me feel like ****. He's also talked about how he has gone down on other women before me, but I don't understand what the problem is with me then.
Also, I never orgasm when we have sex and he does know this. I can orgasm through manual stimulation, but we both really want me to orgasm during sex. He knows that it is a problem but yet he tries nothing to help that. I'm not sure what to try to help with that either. Being on top does not help me with that at all. I get the least amount of pleasure when I'm on top.
I was just wondering if anyone had to any advice as to these questions. Any ideas?

Well.... the wait time in between sessions varies like snowflakes. I mean, a guy with a strong libido could go three times a night, and some guys can only do it once in an eight-hour period. I wouldn't take it personally. He's probably afraid that if he tries too soon, he may lose his erection and then be embarassed. Maybe its happened in the past, and its something he doesn't want to talk about.

You know, if you're going to get married and spend a life together, my advice would be, have a discussion about sex, but not when you're in bed. Over dinner, or in the car on the way somewhere (long drives are best) and just say what's on your mind. For example, he has an issue with pubic hair. Okay, lots of guys do and if its no big deal to you, you could ask him, "Hon, if I shave off everything down there, or get a brazilian bikini wax, would you be more open to giving me oral sex?" Start a dialogue and see where it goes.

In bed, in regards to your orgasm question, you could just ask if you can play with positions or different things and see if they work. What man wouldn't want to bend you into a pretzel if that's what will give you an orgasm? I've read about things that I wanted to try and mentioned it in bed - "Hey babe, I read about manual g-spot orgasms today. Want to try and see if I can have one?" or "You know, I think I can have an orgasm if we are in x position and I use a vibrator on my clit. Can we try it?" I think from reading your post that he would help if you had an idea - it is your body, and like most people, he doesn't want to fail in the bedroom. So I think he's waiting to follow your lead there.

Experimenting is fun as long as you both have a sense of humor and can be relaxed with it, and not so goal-oriented.

Have fun and good luck!

You seem to have a few issues going on:

1 - His rest period between erections...if it's a real issue, he needs to see a doctor - he could have a form of ED. Otherwise, he's a lazy ******* who is not interested in sex.

2 - Your orgasm...many women can't orgasm through penetration. I can tell you from personal experience (as a man) you will drive yourself crazy trying to make it happen - especially with someone who doesn't seem as concerned with it as you are. The only thing I can tell you is to keep getting your big "O" any way you can, and let the penetration orgasm come when it wants to - women here will tell you certain positions will help - you on top, doggy style, etc. There is nothing wrong with you, it's just the way the body works.

3 - Oral sex...remember the old saying, every joke is 80% truth, 20% lie. Well, is he was "joking" about the taste and hair, he probably meant it than just took it back when your feelings were hurt. As a man who likes to give my woman oral, I can tell you it's much easier with a smooth surface (nicely waxed or shaved). The difference between a man and a woman is when you go down on us, our private part sticks out for you - so you can avoid the hair if you want to. We can't - and it's not fun having them tickle your nose, get stuck in your teeth (or throat), etc. As for the taste - here's my suggestion: Take a shower or bath, make sure you are clean shaved or waxed, go to bed, tie his hands to the bed, than sit on his face. Ask him if he notices any improvements. If he seems to get into it, turn around and make it a 69...control his stimulation so he doesn't get too excited, make sure you are just keeping him hard. When you are close to orgasm, slide up on top of him and ride to glory...it may or may not work, but you will both love it, it's something different and hopefully he is energized enough to keep going.

Lastly, you need to consider the following:

If he isn't willing to at least compromise to meet your needs, is this the kind of guy you want to marry? If he's not willing to talk about your problems, it's not going to bode well for your future as a married couple.

Think about it.

From a [bisexual] woman's point of view, "going down on" a woman is really quite messy, confusing, etc ...
If you have long enough hair [on your head], take a good lick of it. It's probably got an unpleasant texture, even if it doesn't taste like much. If you shave everything around and below the clit, you should be okay. That's what I do, and it seems to me that the skin around the vulva "takes" shaving a lot better than the skin of your mons pubis. I don't have any problems shaving below/beneath but when I shave off everything, it gets ugly quick.
Definitely bathe or at least "wash up" right prior. It will make the whole process better for both of you; nobody will be worrying about odor, bad taste, or hairs that wanna come loose.
My boyfriend definitely can't go one session after another. It's a long distance relationship but when he's around we average once or twice a week. I don't think there's anything "wrong" with him, but I do wish his sex drive was higher.
As for "being on top," that was something I had to "figure out." My boyfriend is very supportive of me still "learning how" to have sex cooperatively with him; not making him do all the work.
It helps to be completely uninhibited during sex to have that orgasm. I think if you can work your problems out with him and relax, you could get it. But some women just can't.
Good luck

I'm a guy.

I find the taste can vary, depending on more than just how long ago you washed... And that when giving head to a woman you're nose is pretty much buried in her. Hair and stubble can also be quite nasty, so do something about that.


It's possible that he feels like if he initiates oral on you, that he has to continue to orgasm, which can be VERY tiring on the tongue, and perhaps would be committing himself to more than he'd like on occasion. I would very much suggest bringing sex toys into the mix, I know that without them, my partner would NEVER orgasm (not due to my laziness) and it balances it out. In terms of man/woman balance, metboogie is right in the bit that we desire attention for is quite far away from a wirey bush (I trim anyway, only polite).

My partner usually actually stops me from giving her head, which I think stems from her embaressment about maybe tasting funky etc... I think she feels bad for me when I resurface with a wet face and kiss her (or she just doesn't want me to do that LOL!)

Even though my girlfriend had never come with a man before, I perservered (with toys in the end) and became the first to do so, so I do question this guys motivation.

As for the interval between, it varies between guys. The second in my experience will always be a bit weaker than the first though, and it's frustrating if it fails half way though, maybe even just because you did all the work the first time, and you're panting and sweating away the second time because you're physically tired, and can't keep up the required amount of stimulation to maintain the erection.

Originally Posted by anonymouswhitefemale

My partner usually actually stops me from giving her head, which I think stems from her embaressment about maybe tasting funky etc... I think she feels bad for me when I resurface with a wet face and kiss her (or she just doesn't want me to do that LOL!)

Haha, I love that last part. It's probably the best part of getting eaten out.
And HANDS DOWN the best part of giving head. Okay, I don't kiss my boyfriend right after I've given him head. Not often, anyhow, mostly because he's taken it very well when I have. But in my wilder days, I have been known to ... especially after swallowing.
It's good, sadistic fun ^-^

The amount of must likely vary with everyone. I would suspect a couple of hours of a break would be normal?

Shaven and freshly bathed would be the key to your other question. That and holding out on him.

I would suggest that you explain to him how important it is to you or how much you enjoy it when he goes south.

When in bed put it in front of his face, or gently pull his head down to where you want it.

Originally Posted by Little

Haha, I love that last part. It's probably the best part of getting eaten out.
And HANDS DOWN the best part of giving head. Okay, I don't kiss my boyfriend right after I've given him head. Not often, anyhow, mostly because he's taken it very well when I have. But in my wilder days, I have been known to ... especially after swallowing.
It's good, sadistic fun ^-^

In reading your and Anon's replies (I don't know how to double box them) makes me sick all the women in the world that are not enjoying this heavenly splendor of a man living between your legs. I have said before if I could transplant his tongue permanently to my "hot lips" it would be heavenly....Unfortunately, he frowns on this....But all of the women that have closed up shop on this erotic happening make me cringe.....

To the OP don't marry this man unless you get eaten out all that you desire. He will not change when he is married. He will probably get worse. Make him love eating you like you love doing him......This is the precious part of sex and besides that I am getting horny thinking of it and am just getting over the flu.....But I did not have the flu South of the Border so................

You're so right, Caroline ... it's sad when someone's not getting 100% of the pleasure they deserve, for whatever reason.
I don't get quite the pleasure from getting eaten out that I do from sex. It's very different for me; more like a massage ... or having my hair played with.
But I could have my hair played with for hours ... and hours ... and more hours ... one time, my boyfriend played with my hair until my scalp went numb. It's lovely. Oral is the same way for me.
I could not have penetrative sex for hours. I would die of exhaustion.
Sar8287, you should not have to "live without" something that you want, but you also shouldn't force him to do something he doesn't want to. If you try everything we've all suggested and it works for you, but doesn't work for him, you should consider looking for love elsewhere. It seems harsh to dump him over this one thing, but it's better than resenting not having it the rest of your life. In a way, you would be respecting him more.
I wish you plenty of luck!

I always find it interesting to reverse the genders on some posts. If it was a man whose Gf wouldn't do oral on him, what would be the advice?

My feeling is that each person should do everythign within reason to please their partner, and that it is probably best not to get in a perminant relationship with someone who doesn't do that.