Thread: early ejaculation Questions!

This is probably and age-old question, but I'm going to ask it anyway!

I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years now. I am almost 22 and he is almost 23. We are very close, and are passionate and enthusiastic in bed. We are not sick of eachother at all. We live together, and have sex on a pretty regular basis, though sometimes with my current birth control issues, however minor, I am not in the mood and we skip it. He's really good about this!

My question is about how long hes lasting. He doesnt have self-esteem/emotional issues, he just gets off too soon for my liking sometimes, specially if we haven't had sex for a few/couple of days. I know this is totally normal, and its OK. He always apologizes and feels really bad, though I always tell him not to worry about it! Sometimes we do it again the same night, and yes, then he lasts longer. Sometimes I can go as long as I **** well please, and thats really nice.

I would just really like it if in the passion of the "first time" doing it for a day or two, he could hold out a little longer. It's almost agonizing to me when we haven't done it for a couple days, and then it only last three minutes or something. He always offers to do something else after his erection is gone, but at that point I don't want anything but actual sex and we just stop. I hope I am not being too picky, I am just listening to my body.

He does PLENTY of foreplay, I mean he is 100% attentive to me, and I limit my foreplay on him so as not to get him too overly-excited before the sex. This doesn't seem to make much difference. I suggested to him to try and masturbate on his own sometimes (which he virtually never does) so he can practice stopping and starting and learning his point-of-no-return better. He has agreed to try this, (if I take nudy pics of myself for him because he doesn't really like porn) though he doesn't really like to masturbate anymore. He gets all of his sexual satisfaction from me, which I love, but I think some regular masturbation may relieve some of this early ejaculation stuff. Would it?

I don't want to use methods such as desensitization or squeezing his penis to stop the early ejaculation, because I don't find these healthy and I don't think they are getting to the real root of the problem. It's like "treating" a cold with a cough suppressant. He agrees.

This isn't a really big problem, just something I think we could work on to make our sex even better then it allready is. It is simply evolutionarily sensible for a male of any species to copulate quickly to make sure the job gets done and canbe done a number of other times to ensure conception. But we aren't baboons, and I dont WANT to get pregnant yet, so we want to lengthen his initial erections.

Any other tips for him or me?

Finish him quickly before hand. Then when he has rested a bit, have sex again. he will probably last a lot longer the second time. Or, if he is so quick, give him release every day - just a quick hand job or oral. Then when you have time for long lovemaking he will be less desperate.

If it is a major problem, If he can get a prescription of a low dose (25mg) of Zoloft this may help. Zoloft has been prescribed to men with pre ejaculation problems. I am taking 50 mgs as a weight loss measure, but an additional benefit is that my sexual endurance has increased at least 4 fold. Now my time from penetration to climax (depending how long since the last session) is at least a minimum of 1/2 hour to hours. There are times that if there multiple times in the same love making session that I can't orgasm with intercourse. We have to finish either by oral or by her hand. I think some of that though is she gets so wet and loud that I pay attention to her and forget about what I am feeling. I know Zoloft effects people differently, some men experience ED and some suffer from not being able to climax at all, this is why I suggest a very small dose, if you can get a doctor to prescribe it. Hope this helps.

Nah, its not that big of a problem. I wouldn't even really use the word "problem", its just a little quirk I was wondering about. He almost always holds out a long ime the second time we do it, or if we have been doing it on a more regular basis. Its just that "first" time after awhile that he tends to get off quickly, and I know naturally thats normal. I was just asking for some control tips for him. We don't want to meddle in meds like that, but thanks A LOT for the info!!!

I know it's frustrating and its normal to be. I just wanted to cheer you up, there is far worse out there. I had a bf of 6 years (don't ask why) who had a very large penis but had problems with maintaining an erection firm enough to penetrate and then when he did get it hard enough he ejaculated before he entered me or did within 2 or 3 times of going in and out! He was only 23-29 while we were together.
My husband has a much smaller penis but can maintain his erection and while he doesn't last (5 minutes) as long as some of the better lovers I've had over the years, he can give me vaginal orgasms which my ex-bf never did.
Some men can be cured some can't (I know through friends of friends that my ex-bfs problem has gotten worse despite seeing a doctor about it) my husband and I learned within a few months of how to get me to a vaginal orgasm. Hes improved since we married, my ex bf only got worse.
I think if he can please you with the second go around he's doing just fine

Oh hes totally doing fine! I love him to death!

HE is an average guy - quick the 1st nut, long lasting the 2nd nut.

Since you know about it, have acknowledged it and aren't mad about it - embrace it. Make it a rule - the 1st time is all about him, the second time is all about you - and you have the 3rd time to cum together.

After the 1st time, don't wait for him to get erect on his own. Lay him down, grab some lube and give him a massage on his penis. Maybe do it in a 69 position so he can keep you wet. BELIEVE me he will get erect quicker.

For some reason women get us hard the 1st time and than expect us to just pop up automatically the 2nd time with no enticement.

Let me know if it improves.

Just saw something else in your post - masturbation may not really help. There is nothing that can duplicate the feeling of being inside a woman - especially a mans hand. What he can do is male kiegel exercises. Also, there are condoms that have desensitizing effects (Trojan makes one - it's the black box) that could help him...I've used them myself and find them to work 50% of the time.

Originally Posted by metboogie

HE is an average guy - quick the 1st nut, long lasting the 2nd nut.



For some reason women get us hard the 1st time and than expect us to just pop up automatically the 2nd time with no enticement.

Let me know if it improves.

Oh, I totally don't expect a guy to get hard directly after sex. In fact, I sometimes lay off TOO much after the first time, thinking he wants more time to "get back into it", but he says he likes to keep things going whether or not he's cummed most of the time.

Yeah, about the masturbation thing, that what he says and I know its true. I was jst meaning he could get more used to what it feels like directly before cumming andthen practice with it, but i don't really care if he does that or not its his choice totally. He's not very into masturbation, we have sex a lot and he likes to save everything for that. Actually here lately he has been lasting a lot longer the first time. I'm sure its one of those things that changes in time, and it doesn't bother me in the least.

One routine that I have found to work well is to get him off first via hand, oral, toys, etc. Then let him move onto foreplay and taking care of getting me aroused while he is "recharging." Then we are both ready to go at the same time and he lasts a while.