Thread: Getting turned down by husband...uggh

Okay, I am VERY, VERY frustrated! For the past week or so my husband has been turning me down for sex left and right. I understand at times people do not feel like having sex...but usually after they become enticed by their partner, they give in. Not the case here. I have even told him that I would go down on him, because I wanted to, and I even tried undoing his pants and he would act like he was becoming frustrated with me so I stopped. I have thrown hints multiple times and nothing. Not only does it frustrate me beyond my belief but it also hurts very badly. He is on prescription meds and I know this has a lot to do with it because ever since he started these, which he needs to keep taking - this I know, there has been a decrease in sexual drive and we are getting older BUT it seems like if I try to really initiate it and do things to get him excited that he would give in but this week - NO. And, I know it is bad, but I am getting to the point where I am being resentful over it for two reasons: 1) Why and how could a man turn down his wife who is wanting him very bad and he knows this and 2) How could he keep doing this knowing he is hurting my feelings (he has to know it is hurting me)? I know there is no affair going on - we are always together and we have a one of a kind marriage. Could the medicine really be such a major reason? Any ideas to get him going? All I can say is he better show me a good time at least for Valentine's Day. When we do have sex, it is GREAT! We both enjoy it tremendously...I just don't understand!

There are may prescriptions out that that will make his sex drive non existant and no matter what you do he cannot. it probably has nothing to do with you. i am not sure what kind of meds he is on but they may have a side affect of him not being able to get an erection in whice case he would just rather avoid it that have that embarrassment of you knowing it. maybe you should talk to him or he should talk to his doctor. another thought is before he gets home one night slip into a sexy nighty and let him know you mean business and if he does not respond let him know that if he cannot you will have to just do it yourself and that may get him going or may prompt him to tell you what is wrong either way you need to talk to him about the meds. if he has not sex drive there should be something he can do about it.
Best of Lcuk to You!

I'm sorry about everything with your husband. My boyfriend has been doing the same thing to me lately. I've flat out offered sex or anything he wanted even scantily clad and nothing. I get a "not right now" or he falls asleep while i'm in the bathroom. Makes me feel unattractive or like lying and playing hard to get is better. I don't want to lie...I enjoy having sex as often as possible.

He might need to talk to his doctor. There could be another form of the medication that doesn't cause as severe side effects or maybe he could prescribe a medication or tell you of some herbal remedy or change in diet that could bring his sex drive back up.

I hope your Valentine's Day goes great!

Dealing with an aging man is a completely new experience in life They keep many things to themselves. It is now a case of pride versus the macho male. I am not sure of the age of your husband but if he is on a medication that slows his sexual response, this could have a bearing on his actions. Then there is his another problem. His fear of failure.

Our problem as a woman is that we are growing more sexual and the male has slowed down. So often I wonder where is this written how to handle this big thing in our life? Where are the words that prepare us for this new crisis in life? For many of us women we wonder, why didn't they know that we women will peak and become more sexual as we age and this is normal.

Don't feel bad because it is not rejection of you, it is the confusion of him....xox

Today I was just really aggravated at everything that has been going on. And even though I was extremely agitated about all of this, I really wanted to know the true reason behind it. I was sure that it was the medication because after a month or so starting it, which has been years ago, I noticed a decline. So I talked to him and really got him to talk to me. I asked if he was not attracted to me anymore and he said no...and ladies, my husband is so honest that sometimes his honesty hurts, so I believed him when he told me this. He finally said that it was the medicine, that it is harder for him to get "hard" sometimes. Even though I have never found this to be a problem, because once we start kissing, touching, or know that we are about to excite one another, it is always hard. Anyway, he came through and we had an exciting session. I guess I really need to not let this get me upset anymore. I need to put myself in his shoes. What I am not seeing may be something that he is dealing with on his own. And, I need to be supportive of it in a way where I don't get mad but I try to understand and help.

Oh - the aging body....

Aw, glad you got it worked out. Of course it's not you! Well, you gotta still flaunt it for him and hope for the best.

Hi, New Member here.

Over the last few years interest in sex with my wife had died-off. when my doctor diagnosed me with depression my wife was just happy that I had a legitimate excuse! her former husband lost interest when he started cheating on her, so to say she was relieved is an understatement!

The pills actually made my situation worse for the first two weeks (I couldn't get it up for anything) and told my doctor I was going off the pill but he convinced me to stay on them. Some depression meds can take a month or more to come to full effect.

Originally Posted by SinisterUrge

Hi, New Member here.

Over the last few years interest in sex with my wife had died-off. when my doctor diagnosed me with depression my wife was just happy that I had a legitimate excuse! her former husband lost interest when he started cheating on her, so to say she was relieved is an understatement!

The pills actually made my situation worse for the first two weeks (I couldn't get it up for anything) and told my doctor I was going off the pill but he convinced me to stay on them. Some depression meds can take a month or more to come to full effect.

I don't know your age but your wife could help you get an erection again. This is very possible with a loving wife and two people that want a good sexual relationship.....

OMG I am so embarassed I left the last part out!

The depression drug (Cymbalta) did take a month or so to work (and what a depressing month), but it did eventually work and now everything is better than it was before! So the OP may want to look into having her SO checked-out.