Thread: Repost for Kateastrophe

In an attempt to delete the extraneous posts, I accidentally deleted the whole thread. Here is the post as Kateastrope last had it:
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This has actually kept me up thinking about it all night, and I haven't been sure who to talk to about it, so I hope someone here can help.

My new boyfriend and I have been dating for about six weeks now, having just had our seventh date so far. We've really clicked - we both appreciate each others' quirks and both feel comfortable around each other, so it has been a blast (he thinks so too!).

However, we've been taking it really slow in terms of the physical side of the relationship. He kissed me on the first date, and at the end of each of the next four subsequent dates, but nothing more.

A week ago on our sixth date I thought this was coming to an end when we started making out in his apartment. It didn't go any further than that, though...his "hands never wandered" and nothing came off. Thinking he might just be shy, or that I was sending mixed signals somehow, I began rubbing him through his pants, and he COMPLETELY tensed up and the night was pretty much over.

Tonight, it was more of the same, but instead of touching him, I moved his hands to touch me. I ended up in the somewhat awkward position of him performing oral sex on me (disrobed, obviously) while he was still fully clothed from the waist down. I eventually sort of rolled on top of him and felt him up through his pants again, but still, even after being that intimate with me, he freaked and this time actually pushed my hands away.

We're both 23, and he's in decent shape and has otherwise been confident and really quite charming and I know communication is important, so I just asked him straight up why he wouldn't let me touch him, and he responded by saying that he wasn't ready for that yet - which seems just impossible to me considering that we'd just been really intimate. I thought it might be some sort of penis-ego or ED problem, so I touched him again and told him he felt "big and hard" (which were both true, he was as big or bigger than other men I've been with and was definitely physically responding to me), and he had the same kneejerk reaction of pushing my hand away, then gathered himself, looked me dead in the eyes, and calmly and almost reassuringly told me that it was nothing like that, but that he just wasn't ready yet. After that, I dropped it and told him "no pressure" and actually stayed the night, but just can't figure this one out.

What would make a guy who is otherwise very outgoing just positively *SHUT DOWN* like this? He doesn't seem shy AT ALL in any other aspect of our relationship, and he doesn't seem sexually inexperienced based on the way he touched/kissed/went down on me. Taking it slow is one thing - I would have no problem just taking it slow - but giving me oral sex while refusing to let me even touch him is not taking is something different altogether.

What worries me the most is the way that he stops me from touching him. He doesn't just blush and say, "Not yet," or somesuch, he gets genuinely startled, then struggles to maintain his composure.

What is going on? What can I do for him to make him more comfortable?

i don't know you guy but my ex did that and come to find out it was cause he had crabs and he was trying to get rid of them so when i wanted to well do it he just did oral. that could be a reason or it could be that he really done not want to have sex just yet.

I have to say, there could be a million reasons for his behavior. Mainly, you should just talk to him and see what his trepidation is all about. Maybe he's a 1 minute man, or maybe he does have VD - or maybe he just wants to wait because it's his new years resolution.

Either way, talk to him - but bring it up in a neutral setting...not when your hand is down his pants.