imported_micky

HI. I'm just looking for some advice on how to re-ignite the sex life with my husband. We got pregnant as soon as we got married last year. I can understand to an extent he wasn't interested whilst I was pregnant - he said it just didn't feel right. Then when I had our beautiful daughter, he didn't feel right because I was breast feeding. I finished breastfeeding 2 months ago and since he has show no interest at all, in fact I feel awkward bringing up the conversation. Now he had had awful news that his father has terminal cancer and I feel even worse about brining up the subject as he is so upset about it, but we havent made love for over a year. How do I approach this?? I feel I am may be being insensitive, but I am afraid I am doomed to a married life without sex. Has anybody else had similar experiences of their partners completely going off sex pre and post having a baby?? and how do I deal with this given the obvious bad time he is having with his father??

AFemaleProdigy

It has been far too long for you to not have sex concidering how new your marriage is. That can definately be a HUGE problem for both of you. It appears that your lines of communication are broken down. The most important thing in a good relationship is that you share your feelings no matter what. You have got to talk with him about this. Tell him exactly how you are feeling and what you want out of the relationship. Let him know that if there is something holding him back, that he needs to tell you so that you are not worrying and the two of you can work it out together. If you do not speak with him, your relationship will go down the drain. Despite what is happening with his father, this is something that needs to be discussed. Life goes on you know. I am a little concerned that there have been so many excuses. The majority of men cannot go that long without sex. It will drive them crazy to the point that they don't care if you are pregnant or breast feeding and they give in. There is definately something going on there.

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~Jessica

imported_micky

Thanks for the advice, glad it's not just me that thinks this isn't normal behaviour! I wonder though whether he is just the type that isn't that interested in sex - I'm sure they must exist. To be honest our sex life was not as active as I'd like before we got married. We've been together 8 years and for the last few years before we got married it was a struggle to keep it going. I'd tried talking to him about it and it doesn't seem to make any difference - he doesn't seem comfortable about talking about this type of thing, or emoptional issues. The thing is you can't make someone want something they obviously don't want. This doesn't do very much for my self esteem. It is already affecting our relationship as I can't help but feel distanced from him and resentful of his behaviour, as it seems he doesn't care about my needs and how the absence of a physical side to our relationship is affecting us. Do you think there could be a medical reason for his lack of sex drive?? He is in his early 40's and we have been through a fair amount of stress of late - baby, moving house, major renovations we've had done over the last few months etc. He is also trying to find work, so there are financial worries there too. (more reasons I'm afraid of bringing the subject up with him again!). Maybe I'm just trying to find excuses for him, but I'm just trying to understand what the problem is. Any suggestions you could make for bosting his libido would be welcomed!

imported_Wildfire

Have you two had a "date" lately? You know, two grown adults going out to diner or a movie? Sometimes my husband and I just sit out front,listen to music that we used to listen too and talk. The very first thing that attracted me to my husband was that he could stimulate my brain. I love having one on one conversations w/ him. I have a 6 year old and a two year old and adult conversation is lacking there!!!
Get back to where you both were before all the stress. Laugh,hold hands. That might open him up to what he is feeling w/ out directly asking him.
I hope this helps you, it does us when we feel like everything is taking over our relationship and we forget about "us".

imported_ctote

well i am also having this same problem, ( for the last 3 years, once a year if I'm lucky) exception is we talk about it all the time I beg plead and ask what can we do, what is the problem, and we also have lots of adult time to talk, my brother said men have to "clean there pipes" in order for there testosterone to function correctly and if there is no cleaning it kind of shuts down, I dont know if thats true, maybe something to look into or dr visit if no other reason

imported_!!abbot

What can I say, it surely is one of the horrible nightmares that any newly wed can dream of. In the first place I think you both did the mistake of concieving so early, but anyways that cant be reversed now. It is difficult to judge the mind of your husband as it appears from it statements, and now the situation has indeed reached at the saturation point when you certainly cant speak about sex. Well I would suggest that you take the responsibility yourself. If words cant be excahnged then try the same through gestures. Try to show him that you are eager for sex and have been sex starved for long. See if this helps!

imported_justgreen

I can empathize with you. It's been over four years since my SO and I had sex. I think after a year, you revert back to being a virgin? **that was a joke** I'm watching this thread to see what everyone else has to say. I know there's nothing 'wrong' with him. I make him have a physical every year and they test his testosterone.

I'm old though, it must be rough to be a newlywed and going thru this. Hang in there, I'll bet he may be a bit thrown off by having to share you with a baby, and some men do not like the fact that women breastfeed.