Thread: Running out of ideas

If I could use just one word to describe my husband it would be 'procrastinator'. I often tell him that if you ignore a problem it will not go away but he still ignores it. I bought a couple of books to help improve our sex, specifically about female orgasms. I managed to read 3 books even though I don't have much time to read. He barely started on the first one. I asked him a couple of times to read them and he says he will but doesn't. I haven't asked anymore because I refuse to be a nag. I tell him what I like and he'll give me a half-hearted attempt and soon stop because his hand hurts or he'll have some other reason. The only thing he is enthusiastic about is different positions and I enjoy them but I need more. It's very frustrating.
His behavior is pervasive but I have learned to accept it in all other aspects of our life. I would think that he could cooperate when it comes to our sex life. I talk to him and explain how I feel and he says he understands but nothing changes. I'm running out of ideas.

It sounds to me that you are not getting to the O.

I would recommend a vibrator and use it during sex with your husband.

It never tires out, and as a husband, its fun to watch.

I know for sure I don't have orgasms with him. I know it's not the most important thing but it would be very nice. The problem is there are so many vibrators that I don't know which one to get. I know it depends on the woman but I'm not sure which one to try next. I bought one of those battery operated ones that's supposed to be good for the g-spot but it didn't do anything for me. It was so weak I almost fell asleep.

Hitachi magic wand is good if you want strong.

You can get dependant though.

But he really should be trying to please you.

It is curious that he doesn't have much interest in trying to improve your sex life? Sometimes through inexperience we end up with partners who have divergent sex needs. I see that you are making the effort to seek a solution but it's falling on deaf ears.

Unfortunately some people are the product of their upbringing and don't look at sex creatively and joyfully. Could be a number of factors; low sex drive, wants to be in charge, may be feeling insecure because you're looking at the 'books' which in his head means he's not good enough or just a general indifference to your needs....some men can be selfish.

Could you talk to him about this? Saying that "Wouldn't it be 'fun' to try some new things?" Set a time to create a sexy atmosphere...candle lit dinner, wine, clothing...like a romantic date at home and try seducing him, say that he's not required to do anything but be administered to (takes the pressure off of him) and you'll take care of everything and experiment away...if that receives a positive response, he may be more open to trying those pesky 'new' ideas .

Best of luck .

Rcoreyus, I've heard a lot of good things about the Hitachi Magic Wand. I've been waiting for 24 years so I really don't care if I become dependant on it. I'm going to order it today.
Stillkickin, in my husband's case it comes down to selfishness and insecurity. His father was away from the family for seven years because they were coming from another country. His father is a womanizer and even had a child with someone else during that time but his cheating with many women continued even after the family was reunited. The real problem is his mother brought my husband into their personal relationship and even though she never left her husband the son became the surrogate father. I think he has never been able to get past that and to this day is overly concerned with what goes on in his parent's household. He knows more about what goes on at their house 1,500 miles away then what goes on in our house. He lives in the past and I have done everything I can to help him come into the present. He refuses to get professional help. Everybody has baggage and if you recognize it you can get rid of it all by yourself because no one knows you like you know yourself but he thinks he's always right so there can't possibily be anything wrong with him.
I have tried similar things to what you mentioned and it's very well received. He has no problem with being in the mood and with me trying new things but the problem comes in when he has to do something new. After about 5 minutes, if he tries it at all, he always has some excuse of why it doesn't work for him. In the end he's sleeping like a baby and I'm wide awake.
I'm going to get the vibrator and see if that helps because I really don't know what else to do.

Originally Posted by Rose5

Rcoreyus, I've heard a lot of good things about the Hitachi Magic Wand.

It's pretty mega powerful... I'd advise going with the low setting for a while, the high settings a joke - very loud too...

The actual orgasms my girlfriend gets from them aren't however that complete and amazing.. The best result she gets is by using the magic wand until she nearly comes, and then using a pellet vibrator to push her over the edge... Otherwise she gets half-orgasms. That's just her though - I can't speak for you.

What's a pellet vibrator? I might have a similar situation because I am quickly aroused but cant' go over the edge with him.
I'll soon see if the magic wand is really magical.

A pellet is just a little vibrator... When you get it you'll see that the magic wand isn't small.

For the best orgasm (and I don't know the right words for stuff, I'm not a woman) I need to hold the nerve stem under the clitoris gently but firmly between thumb and forefinger, as far down as possible, and flicking it back and forth with the vibrating pellet... I've found that you need to involve the nerve stem under the clit, it brings about far more pleasure than just playing with the surface...

Anon, I know exactly what you're talking about. I often read about women who can have an orgasm with a shower head and I wonder, what am I doing wrong? Anything can get me started but I need a lot more to actually reach an orgasm. It's good to hear I'm not an odd ball.
Which particular pellet do you have, because there are so many different types.