Thread: An Uninterested Fiance

I am new to this site, and first of all I love it!

My fiance and I have been together 5 years, and we have been 'waiting' until marriage to start having sex. We have always performed other sexual acts, until now. We had a long distance relationship for about 2 years and I just recently moved to the same town about 8 months ago. We just got engaged about 2 months ago, and it seems like he is slowly getting less sexually attracted to me. He is very busy completeing a doctorate program, and I wonder if that is contributing to his in-interest in me sexually. Maybe my hormones are running constantly???, but now that we are together all the time, I have more drive to have a sexual relationship. I've tried many techniques, wearing lingerie and buying 'special products', but it seems like even then there is dis-interest. I haven't asked if he masterbates while I'm not home, and that wouldn't bother me, but if it is replacing me, then I am concerned. Does anyone have any advice?

Do any of you have any ideas to spark up our sex life? He tells me he is so excited to start having sex when we get married (december), but that is a long time from now, and I am getting very frustrated. Also, if this is how dead our sex life is at the age of 22, will he get tired of the 'same old sex' too after we get married??? Please help!

Looking at your post, I believe you have answered all of your own questions. Already the red, "Proceed With Caution" flag is up. What you are seeing is what you will probably get.....The only difference being that it will get worse as he ages, and you will get more sexual....

I would definitely do something about it. When two people marry their sex drives must match. A mismatch is frustration for both of you. Now add the possibility of bringing a child into the world and you are creating a possible divorce along the line. I am finding more and more that woman cannot live without sex and crave it. They are finally talking...They demand what their inner self calls for and they are right. This pleasure that is calling out to you is just a start of the woman that you are that is waking up.....I know, I live there.....

Get this straightened out. Force the issue. It must be solved if you are a sexual woman and want to be filled when needed...In my opinion there is nothing as erotic as my man filling that special part of me that spreads with want and begs for pleasuring, with that great big lovely piece of joy between his legs.....

Much luck honey.....

is he into porn?

Thank-you for all of your posts. Yes I do believe that this needs to be resolved. And it isn't that we don't do anything, but its only once every 2 weeks. Honestly, I dont find that to be enough. I am extremely excited to start having sex with him when we get married, and he expresses the same feelings, but I do not think that putting everything on hold is helping. I just don't know how to spice it up enough that he would desire me. Everytime we start a sexual act, I am the one who inciates. And that is fine, but for once I would like to be the one that is desired. Does that make any sense?????

My answer to the porn is, I dont know. I am open to the option, and maybe that is something that I need to bring into the picture. Maybe that would increase his sex drive for me.

Thank-you so much and I appreciate any suggestions or help

That is not much sexual play for two people that are in love and going to get married. I know we are all different but this is puzzling. You say you do everything sexually and he stops. You want it so force the issue. Get him naked and jump on him in cowgirl and ride him. See what his reactions are...I doubt that there is anything you can do to tempt him more than you are if you already are trying everything. Walk around the house naked but who knows that may not do the trick either.

Why does he want to stay celibate until marriage? Especially when you want to have sex now. I could think of ways to spice it up but it should not be like this. He should be foaming at the mouth now with a hot sexual woman showing her stuff to him and plainly begging for sex.....These are just my thoughts on this.....

Yeah, I'm agreeing with Caroline here. When I was 22 I would do it whenever, wherever - and so would all the guys I knew. Heck, a look across a crowded room was enough to get them going.

Has the abstinence perhaps turned him off to sex? As though he's thinking that what you experience now isn't very fulfilling and so intercourse won't be, either? A doctorate is a big deal, so if he's very stressed that could be the reason. But if you're both the same age and you spend lots of time together now, I would imagine things would heat up tremedously. You should talk to him about his ideas of sex and what he wants and expects in a sexual relationship with you. That may help figure it out.

Thanks again for the reply. Yes, I do believe that we need to discuss our sexual relationship in more detail. Maybe we can figure out something that would keep us both happy.

He is definately big on 'waiting until marriage' for sex. Which is understandable and I am completely for it. But even though we are waiting, I wish we could still AT LEAST have a sexual relationship. Hopefully, your tips will help. :-) Thank-you!

I just found this post.ffice:office" />

I must say, from a guys point of view...this is very messed up!
All the possible explanations projected so far do not hold water.
First, if a guy is stressed from work or studying, the first thing they would want is to be released sexually. For a guy (and possibly a woman), an orgasm is like a brain enema. All stress, fear, worry, etc are flushed away instantly...and gone for at least a few minutes if not hours.
I can only state from my point of view, as one who also waited until marriage for sex, something is not right here!
The little wife and I did not engage in intercourse, but it was all she could do to fight me off every night from anything else I could get!

The very first thought I had when reading your posts is....your not going to like....he may have another honey! Either that or he is whacking off like no bodies business. I think the Porn reference in the other posts were asking if he is watching porn and masturbating, not for you 2 to engage in such.

I would strongly suggest you do nothing until you get to the bottom of this as this is a huge, shiny red flag in your face, please do not ignore it and think it will get better with marriage. Once a couple is married, after the first year of sex, it starts to become a bit of a challenge to keep things fresh...when in the pre-marriage phase, this is usually the hottest sex couples have...and here you have a guy that from what you describe is totally uninterested in sex?!?!?!?! Something is very amiss here!

Be wise and stay safe!