Thread: Scared Of Sex

Okay, so this is abit of a different problem.

I'm 17, nearly 18 and whether that sounds young or not this is still a problem.

I was with a guy for 2years and we explored and did everything ...except finger me because I was too scared it would hurt.
The same thing is happening with the guy I am with now.

Now I understand some peple make laugh at me over this problem but it's really getting too me.

Anything to do with penetrating scares the **** out of me cos I just can't see how it can actually fit in.

I tried using tampons and that hurt so I don't think that has gave me any confidence either.

I just feel so low about it, even my sister has had sex and she's 15!!!
All my friends have.
It's nothing to do with peer pressure, I just don't think what I'm feeling is right.
Sex is meant to be a good thing and all I can see is the bad.
I'm just getting really down about it.

Any advice? Please.

First - have you seen a gynecologist? If you have, go back and ask your Dr. to examine your vagina and let him/her know the discomfort you had with the tampon. It may feel really weird and uncomfortable, but a good ob/gyn can tell you the optimal angle of entry and let you know if there is a noticeable problem.

The odds are the discomfort you felt was because you were sticking a dry piece of plastic in your unlubricated vagina - just like putting an erect penis in a dry vagina - it will hurt and not want to go in. I don't know how my wife does it, but she's been using tampons since she was 12 (18 years) and she doesn't have a gaping hole of a vagina. I have heard her complain that it can be painful putting them in sometimes because of the dryness, but I don't know what she does to get past that.

As for the sex - do yourself a favor and hold on to your virginity. The man you end up with will appreciate you so much more for being a virgin. And you will feel better about yourself for having waited.

I know your 15 yr old sister may seem more womanly because she's had sex - but when you are pushing 30 you don't think 15 yr olds having sex is a cool, mature thing to do. It's dumb. As her older sister you should be advising her of the dangers of sex at her age - most 15 yr olds I know aren't smart enough to make sure they use protection every time (and are you going to trust a horny 15 yr old boy to pull out?) - so what happens if she gets pregnant? Herpes is running rampant among our teenagers because of the sexual promiscuity (not to mention the blow job parties that have become popular among suburban youth) - does your sister know certain STD's aren't curable - they are with her for life?

I know you are concerned about being the only one of your friends to still be a virgin - but instead of being ashamed use it as a sign of something you've done right...hold your head up high...if your friends tease you its because they wish they hadn't let little Johnny get all up in them and talk about it on his myspace page.

Well, since you asked....

I married at 19 and the man I married was my high school sweetheart. We fooled around, just like you and your boyfriend. He couldn't penetrate me either. I also cannot use a tampon, and that puzzles the docs since I delivered a 7.5 pound baby vaginally.

I have been with just 2 men in my life and I was married to both of them. Men don't want used merchandise. I tell guys that unless they are my spouse or my doctor they won't see me naked. They get a kick out of that.

Value yourself. Don't compromise. You're all you've got.

Thanks for the advice guys Helps alot! Just abit more comforting. I guess I'll have too see what happens! But bloody , the womans body is full of bloody mysteries! haha.

at 17 this may gross to you. But the best advice I can give you is to learn your own body. You can take it as slow as you want and its very private so no one has to know. If you use your own finger it will help you to overcome your fear and be more empowered when the time comes.

However I would also like to agree that still being a virgin is something to be proud of not embarrased about.

Hi KJS, I second metboogie's advice to talk to a gynecologist. I know exactly how you feel about it seeming like it won't fit, but it will, if you're properly aroused and there's no medical problems with your vagina. When a woman is aroused, her vagina expands a little bit and she produces lubrication that allows the penis to slip in. You should try lube, like KY Jelly, to help get your tampons in, and you should definitely have some on hand the first time you have sex.

Good luck! And never hesitate to call your gynecologist.

See my post about painful sex and first times, etc. Also, staying a Virgin is the only way to go in my book:
http://www.womens-health.com/boards/...g-orgasms.html