help in the bedroom

mollyrose85 · 03-05-2008, 11:49 AM

I need some advice...any and all would be helpful.
My boyfriend works a construction job and works 10 hour shifts. I work 3 nights (until 9) a week and by the time I get home he's laying on the couch usually pretty lazy-like. I usually get ready for bed and go up and wait for him. He usually follows after shutting down the house. When we get up to bed we watch our usually nightly show and as soon as I try to get him to have sex he turns over and closes his eyes. I feel like he doesn't want to. In fact we usually only have sex about maybe once a week lately. I am 19 weeks pregnant so most of you know my sex drive is pretty high. He used to want sex all the time now he's too tired. I've tried going to bed earlier thinking he less likely be "tired" and it's not happening. I know for a fact he's not cheating on me (I've investigated thinking that could be by checking his cell phone calls and text messages and nothing.) I've asked him if he's seeing someone else (is he getting it elsewhere) Because he's a 23 year old man and he shouldn't be in a slump. I feel like he doesn't love me and that's my emotions, I've asked him if he still feels the same way about me, and he usually cuddles me and says he does so much but he's tired. I understand his job is hard work and he's working a lot, but why can't he take 30 minutes out of his day to give a little to me? What is going on?

rexydon · 03-05-2008, 12:27 PM

from my expriances it could just be as simple as him getting nervous about the up coming baby espesally if its your guyses first one.

then agian i may be way off base.

**Little** · 03-05-2008, 04:43 PM

Maybe he's having trouble coming to terms with you as a wife AND mother?
Some men really get off to pregnant women ... but if I were a man with a pregnant partner, I wouldn't want to think of poking my kid in the head O.o It's really a disturbing thought.
You'll either have to drag the reason out of him or live with doubts.

C · 03-05-2008, 09:36 PM

Like Little said this is a very special time for him too. He will be a first time Father and they really are not too sure how to act with a new Mother-To-Be. They do not know if you are fragile or if they will hurt you. So he is probably trying to help and give you a break by not bothering you.

At dinner or when you are sitting and talking, tell him how sexual you are. Tell him that you can have sex right up until near the time the baby is born. Thinking back, during this time for us was wonderful as we did not have to use any precautions and he must understand that the baby is still so far up in your abdomen that it would be difficult to harm it in any way.

I think a good talk would help a lot. It is all so new and learning but so very wonderful....Have fun and I envy you......So very much.....xox

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-06-2008, 01:49 AM

I say take the TV out of the bedroom to start with? What's with that?

The bedroom used to be the place to "sleep" as that is what we were taught as children. Weren't we?

And, then we as partners, said well yes, but also a quick bonk, which we all know is soooo wrong.

So, say "honey, i want to lay on you on the couch tonight, let's watch our programe there and if your lucky, i might go down on you"....

Suggestive talking maybe? Then you can race each other to the bedroom, well you may waddle but he may still need to see your sexy, not just wanting sex.?

And, congratulations!!!!!!!!!!

Never had any, had an injury in my late 30's and well, ex wouldn't wake up to someone braking in, so no point, now early 40's, too late, not for me, but for the poor child.

Even though i'll be soooo young at 60, not fair.

XXX

mollyrose85 · 03-06-2008, 10:44 AM

no go again last night. He was tired...again. I came up to bed again early, put on some fun clothes and told him I need a mechanic to fix my breaks...he got a chuckle out of it, but ended up me rolled over in tears (because of my emotions) feeling I was alone, unwanted, and unloved...I know boo hoo poor me, my feelings are out of whack, but when I tried to talk to him about it when I got home, he doesn't take it seriously or is trying to avoid talking...he's not a very good communicator. That's where I am, and we just fit like that...
I think I am going to write my feelings down like a highschooler and let him know how I feel. I've done this before about a different thing and it really opened him up to my feelings, and realizes they are real. I also caught him looking at the prego books in the john yesterday, so I'm hoping this is all just scaring him a bit.

**Rose5** · 03-06-2008, 08:22 PM

Mollyrose, having a baby is so exciting but also very scary for some men. He is probably just worried and concerned about the upcoming responsibility. He'll come around. Men are usually not big on talking about feelings. Try not to talk to him when you are upset because you end up saying things you don't mean. If writing worked before then try that again. You should reassure him that sex is not going to hurt the baby. My husband was concerned about that until he heard it from the ob/gyn himself. If possible invite him to go with you on your next visit to the doctor.

whilhelm · 03-07-2008, 03:12 PM

this was a little bit of an issue for me too - when my wife really started to show & i could feel the baby kick - see him move in her belly...

i almost felt like we had our baby in the bed with us while we were having sex. it was really a mind game. i just needed to keep my imagination in check.

i still feel like i might hurt the baby if i thrust hard, so i'm always a little cautious - which takes something away. i don't get lost in passion, really, because i'm always worrying, even just a little bit. i enjoy it, but i never let go right now.

03-05-2008, 11:49 AM	#1
mollyrose85 Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 16	help in the bedroom I need some advice...any and all would be helpful. My boyfriend works a construction job and works 10 hour shifts. I work 3 nights (until 9) a week and by the time I get home he's laying on the couch usually pretty lazy-like. I usually get ready for bed and go up and wait for him. He usually follows after shutting down the house. When we get up to bed we watch our usually nightly show and as soon as I try to get him to have sex he turns over and closes his eyes. I feel like he doesn't want to. In fact we usually only have sex about maybe once a week lately. I am 19 weeks pregnant so most of you know my sex drive is pretty high. He used to want sex all the time now he's too tired. I've tried going to bed earlier thinking he less likely be "tired" and it's not happening. I know for a fact he's not cheating on me (I've investigated thinking that could be by checking his cell phone calls and text messages and nothing.) I've asked him if he's seeing someone else (is he getting it elsewhere) Because he's a 23 year old man and he shouldn't be in a slump. I feel like he doesn't love me and that's my emotions, I've asked him if he still feels the same way about me, and he usually cuddles me and says he does so much but he's tired. I understand his job is hard work and he's working a lot, but why can't he take 30 minutes out of his day to give a little to me? What is going on?

03-05-2008, 12:27 PM	#2
rexydon Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Kansas Posts: 15	from my expriances it could just be as simple as him getting nervous about the up coming baby espesally if its your guyses first one. then agian i may be way off base. __________________ the wolf hath howled, the bloods been spilled. life lingers in sleep, dead to the world.

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03-05-2008, 04:43 PM	#3
Little WH Junior Administrator Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: whjuniorad[at]hotmail[dot]com Posts: 1,559 Blog Entries: 4	Maybe he's having trouble coming to terms with you as a wife AND mother? Some men really get off to pregnant women ... but if I were a man with a pregnant partner, I wouldn't want to think of poking my kid in the head O.o It's really a disturbing thought. You'll either have to drag the reason out of him or live with doubts.

03-05-2008, 09:36 PM	#4
C Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 1,002	Like Little said this is a very special time for him too. He will be a first time Father and they really are not too sure how to act with a new Mother-To-Be. They do not know if you are fragile or if they will hurt you. So he is probably trying to help and give you a break by not bothering you. At dinner or when you are sitting and talking, tell him how sexual you are. Tell him that you can have sex right up until near the time the baby is born. Thinking back, during this time for us was wonderful as we did not have to use any precautions and he must understand that the baby is still so far up in your abdomen that it would be difficult to harm it in any way. I think a good talk would help a lot. It is all so new and learning but so very wonderful....Have fun and I envy you......So very much.....xox

03-06-2008, 10:44 AM	#6
mollyrose85 Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 16	no go again last night. He was tired...again. I came up to bed again early, put on some fun clothes and told him I need a mechanic to fix my breaks...he got a chuckle out of it, but ended up me rolled over in tears (because of my emotions) feeling I was alone, unwanted, and unloved...I know boo hoo poor me, my feelings are out of whack, but when I tried to talk to him about it when I got home, he doesn't take it seriously or is trying to avoid talking...he's not a very good communicator. That's where I am, and we just fit like that... I think I am going to write my feelings down like a highschooler and let him know how I feel. I've done this before about a different thing and it really opened him up to my feelings, and realizes they are real. I also caught him looking at the prego books in the john yesterday, so I'm hoping this is all just scaring him a bit.

03-06-2008, 08:22 PM	#7
Rose5 VIP Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Florida Posts: 46	Mollyrose, having a baby is so exciting but also very scary for some men. He is probably just worried and concerned about the upcoming responsibility. He'll come around. Men are usually not big on talking about feelings. Try not to talk to him when you are upset because you end up saying things you don't mean. If writing worked before then try that again. You should reassure him that sex is not going to hurt the baby. My husband was concerned about that until he heard it from the ob/gyn himself. If possible invite him to go with you on your next visit to the doctor.

03-07-2008, 03:12 PM	#8
whilhelm Banned from WH Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 329	this was a little bit of an issue for me too - when my wife really started to show & i could feel the baby kick - see him move in her belly... i almost felt like we had our baby in the bed with us while we were having sex. it was really a mind game. i just needed to keep my imagination in check. i still feel like i might hurt the baby if i thrust hard, so i'm always a little cautious - which takes something away. i don't get lost in passion, really, because i'm always worrying, even just a little bit. i enjoy it, but i never let go right now.