please help

**saveme24** · 03-13-2008 03:30 AM

ive been married now for 2 years and it seems like my sex life is gettin worse and worse. i have been horny for about 2 years now and it seems like my husband just cant hit my spots. its gettin to the point where now i dont even want to have sex because it just a waste of time. whenever we do have sex we wanrs to preform oral sex on me then when i fake my orgasm we have sex doggy style, about a min or two later he cums, and my inside are still waiting to be pound.he doesnt liketo have rough sex,just slow and i hate that. i dont want to take my friends advice and cheat on him but i can no longer take this. i tried talking to him about toys but he's to embrassed that i want them. i loseing it here. can i please get some advise before i'm out of a husband or my husband is out of a wife. plus his penis is really small

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-13-2008 03:45 AM

Originally Posted by saveme24

ive been married now for 2 years and it seems like my sex life is gettin worse and worse. i have been horny for about 2 years now and it seems like my husband just cant hit my spots. its gettin to the point where now i dont even want to have sex because it just a waste of time. whenever we do have sex we wanrs to preform oral sex on me then when i fake my orgasm we have sex doggy style, about a min or two later he cums, and my inside are still waiting to be pound.he doesnt liketo have rough sex,just slow and i hate that. i dont want to take my friends advice and cheat on him but i can no longer take this. i tried talking to him about toys but he's to embrassed that i want them. i loseing it here. can i please get some advise before i'm out of a husband or my husband is out of a wife. plus his penis is really small

Question that springs to mind, was were you a Virgin before you married and if not how was the sex life before you married?

Some men, firstly change once married as much as a woman does.

Age is not relevant, but maybe you both need to learn to know each other's body more.

See what it is that you both like.

Marriage is a commitment so that also means finding out what each other is about, not just in the bedroom of course, but love is a special thing, you both want to know everything about each other, what's his favourite colour, what's yours, etc, as much as what you like sexually.

You mention that he's small, and can't hit your "spots" have you expressed this, in a good way, or have you maybe just simply stated it as a fact. This can also make him feel in-secure or inadequate.

Sometimes reading more about sexuality together, trying to experiment with different ways and things making it fun, not a chore, can find areas that you never knew of before, together.

Small is not a problem. I am sure that sex toys would be the last thing as again your expressing that you need more depth, width etc.

Perhaps it's the way your expressing instead of incorporating him into the picture that it is in fact he that you love, and him that excited you before you married and still does, so lets find out more about each other, our love is young......

Originally Posted by saveme24

ive been married now for 2 years and it seems like my sex life is gettin worse and worse. i have been horny for about 2 years now and it seems like my husband just cant hit my spots. its gettin to the point where now i dont even want to have sex because it just a waste of time. whenever we do have sex we wanrs to preform oral sex on me then when i fake my orgasm we have sex doggy style, about a min or two later he cums, and my inside are still waiting to be pound.he doesnt liketo have rough sex,just slow and i hate that. i dont want to take my friends advice and cheat on him but i can no longer take this. i tried talking to him about toys but he's to embrassed that i want them. i loseing it here. can i please get some advise before i'm out of a husband or my husband is out of a wife. plus his penis is really small

You know, i'm also talking with logic, not feelings...

I also got married, and after we married, that side went down hill and whilst i tried to talk about it and change it, it didn't happen.

Just go with your heart, love and tell him how much you love him sometimes the simple things in life work.

Best of wishes, and enjoy..

**saveme24** · 03-13-2008 05:06 AM

well honsetly i love him but im not in love with him. we've had discussions about this before and he knows why i feel this way. when i was pregnant he cheated on my with an ex that i know he loves very deeply. i stayed with him because at the time i was in love with him and i wanted to be a family, but over the years(months) i've learned that i can't forgive him especially when he told me that if i didn't have his kids then he would be with the other girl. we get along great, we talk and everything, we have a lot in common except for our sex. he knows that he doesnt please me but with him its just like oh well i got mine. i want us to be together because we have kids together and we do have fun but the sex is driving me insane.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-13-2008 05:45 AM

Originally Posted by saveme24

well honsetly i love him but im not in love with him. we've had discussions about this before and he knows why i feel this way. when i was pregnant he cheated on my with an ex that i know he loves very deeply. i stayed with him because at the time i was in love with him and i wanted to be a family, but over the years(months) i've learned that i can't forgive him especially when he told me that if i didn't have his kids then he would be with the other girl. we get along great, we talk and everything, we have a lot in common except for our sex. he knows that he doesnt please me but with him its just like oh well i got mine. i want us to be together because we have kids together and we do have fun but the sex is driving me insane.

Sweetheart, you've now answered your own question, where i was heading is irrelevant. You are not in love, and he has cheated, with someone that he has told you " he is deeply in love with" assuming he has no children with, but does with you. I could say lots here but get banned, i am sure. So, i appreciate that you did love him, that you had a family and therefore wanted it to work... People can't change, he told you his feelings, and as a result you feel rejected and want his love, therefore, sex. YOu are probably best friends, so therefore, have a lot in common, he can't get over his ex, and probably you both are young. If he thinks " well i got mine" i got my rocks off, care about you, not, love, there is no love... I admire you for wanting what you do because of the "kids" and the friendship but do you not deserve better, is he perhaps unhappy and want's what ever it is he wants, is he degrading you, by saying, if he didn't have children he would be with the other lady?

ARE you not worth more, fear of going it alone is the biggest worth fear. Fear of rejection is the second, in my opinion you are in both.

If you told me he "loved you and only you" i'd say stay work it out, you say, he blames you for the children for the life he could have had, and doesn't give you the pleasure you desire...

Love. HELP? Go, enjoy your freedom and find someone within that freedom what wants what you want and feel all the desire, lust, want, expectations, anticipations that come with love.

We live once, and children can be offected by what they see, non love, arguing, even at a young age, they need you, they need nurtuing and you need you, and nurtuing.

Hope i dont' get barred for this, but it's the truth and i studied Phsycology which did me no good in my marriage but good here.....

When your the outsider looking in.....

You will never understand that if you love yourself, what other's will see in you and how many you attract.

He's not a loser, you are perhaps, best friends.

Time to find your 'SOUL' and therefore, that partner in life.

It will be scary, it will be hard, but it will be fulfilling when you can add your emotions, your day's events, your lust and love and he is there for you, isn't that your fairy tale?

It's there, if you look......

Best of love.

**metboogie** · 03-13-2008 09:40 AM

Gotta agree...you're not looking for advice, you're just looking for someone to confirm what you already know.

The good thing is you get along - so your children shouldn't be affected by a breakup. Just keep that friendship strong and be good parents.

**Hystorm** · 03-13-2008 11:46 AM

It never ceases to amaze me how different everyone is sexually. I find it hard to believe you are describing a MAN that does not like to pound!!
Especially when the women begs for it…I just cannot fathom that!

I too am at a loss of words, you both are not loving the partnership…without a healthy sex life, things fall apart. Some take much, much longer, but they too fall.

You might simply consider telling him that if he cannot satisfy you sexually as is the case currently, then you are going to bail as it the last proverbial straw.
If that was the only issue in the marriage, and you 2 loved each other deeply, etc…then there are always ways to repair…but what you describe is just a separation waiting to happen. There are toys he can wear that will send you to the moon but his ego would prob. take a hit. You may consider asking him to try something like this:
[link snipped by mod]

If he is totally against it or anything to please his woman (again, I just cannot fathom this mentality), and all the other stuff you described is happening, then maybe its time to start looking elsewhere…

Make sure you get a good one this time. One that loves kids and is not an abuser!

Best of luck to you…

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-13-2008 04:36 PM

[quote=Hystorm;32231]

Make sure you get a good one this time. One that loves kids and is not an abuser!

Emotional abuse:-

I love someone else - no no you have to love me.
I won't give you what you want in the bedroom - so you do everything out of your power make suggestions show how sexy you are just to try and make him want you.

You say you don't love him, he doesn't love you.

Love yourself and your children and go find someone that loves you.

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