Don't Buy Until You Try!

**macybelle** · 03-18-2008 03:05 AM

I would never encourage my children to have sex before marriage. If I could undo my past I would have loved to have waited until marriage. I regret that my husband wasn't my first lover. I don't believe everyone feels that people should have sex before marriage and I also realize that there are people out there who will wait until there wedding night. I truly hope that my children don't have the same regrets that I do and they get the chance to have a mutual first time experience with the people they marry. I have old fashion values when it comes to that. I just wish that I had them 20 years ago.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-18-2008 03:50 AM

Originally Posted by macybelle

I would never encourage my children to have sex before marriage. If I could undo my past I would have loved to have waited until marriage. I regret that my husband wasn't my first lover. I don't believe everyone feels that people should have sex before marriage and I also realize that there are people out there who will wait until there wedding night. I truly hope that my children don't have the same regrets that I do and they get the chance to have a mutual first time experience with the people they marry. I have old fashion values when it comes to that. I just wish that I had them 20 years ago.

I dont' believe that every one has those thoughts either and some here have stated, they waited until their wedding night. My husband married at 31, she was 21, and he waited but it didn't work out with her, nor me.

I had regrets, because i was never able to live that down.

So maybe, as we live in a "free world" that if he is, she should, if he isn't then it does not matter?

I also have "very" old fashion values and he was Christain but there you go, where really lies the anser?

**rcoreyus** · 03-18-2008 11:29 AM

Originally Posted by whilhelm

statistically, couples who live together experience an even higher rate of divorce than those who don't.

That may be because the couples who do not live together first are more traditional, and are less likely to get divorced, even if they are unhappy.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-18-2008 01:44 PM

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

That may be because the couples who do not live together first are more traditional, and are less likely to get divorced, even if they are unhappy.

Good point, they are free spirits with the capacity of thinking more modern, "try before you buy" and therefore, free spirits if they are not happy and things change dramatically or for what ever reason, they are able to move on with their lives and not a lonely existance until the day they die.

I left, no way did or do i want to be that lonely woman who remains in a love less marriage. What for? When i can leave and look again and find the true soulmate....

**macybelle** · 03-18-2008 02:00 PM

I spent many years feeling like I was in a loveless marriage and there were times I wanted to leave. But things changed and I would have made a huge mistake walking away from my marriage. My husband was married before. His ex left him while he was away at war and they were only married 6 months. I was sexually abused as a kid and as a late teen dealt with it in a way I wish I could take back. So we both have **** from our past that will always make me wish we had been each others first. I envy those couples who have that first time experience with their spouses. Never to have to wonder about anyone from their past.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-18-2008 02:25 PM

Originally Posted by macybelle

I spent many years feeling like I was in a loveless marriage and there were times I wanted to leave. But things changed and I would have made a huge mistake walking away from my marriage. My husband was married before. His ex left him while he was away at war and they were only married 6 months. I was sexually abused as a kid and as a late teen dealt with it in a way I wish I could take back. So we both have **** from our past that will always make me wish we had been each others first. I envy those couples who have that first time experience with their spouses. Never to have to wonder about anyone from their past.

I can see the "romance" of that idea, and it seems that you have a lot of love for each other. That love, i understand and it would want you to wish that you met that person first of course.

I sometimes think my ex-husband wished that to and i think he stated that.

Something that he never got over, hense the loveless marriage and verbal abbusive and i could go on. But it was not relevant to me, as i am a loyal person with a lot of love to give and truthfully, he was not my soulmate.

So, it stands to reason that i made the mistake of marrying this man, as he was not as "open" as he pertained himself to be.

Sure... But i also know of lots and lots of friends that did that, and are divorced because neither had experience enough in any capacity and it just didn't work, always with, i didn't know him he was so different once we married, and i know they wished that they had lived together first and therefore, wouldn't have gone there.

It's an individual thing then maybe?

What would i have done, at 18 if i look back. Truthfully to where i am now in my life sexually, and loyally, emotions and feelings, lust and adventure exactly what i did. Or, i wouldn't be who i am, that being i will and hope that i have , find the one and i know exactly what i am looking for, so i won't just take anyone and go down another path of wasted years and i will be always happy in my communication, laughter, love, passion with that person.

**commonsense** · 03-22-2008 02:17 PM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

Interesting.

I have a few young ladies in my office and from time to time, i join in their conversations as they are in their early to late 20's and offer my thoughts.

The other day, i heard that a Mother had said to her daughter " Don't buy until you try" referring to future relationship and specifically marraige.

Now in my days, and i am sure a lot of other's will agree it was:-

It will hurt
You don't want to be called a s......t
Wait until Marriage

Do everything out of their power to make you hold on to that little thing called Virginity.

Now, i am hearing:-

Don't make the mistakes i made.
Enjoy your freedom until you find the one.
Experience

And, even allow this to occur in the family home.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

Sex is certainly after all a necessity in a marriage and to be exploring but i'm at a lose as to what i think here.

I mean, it makes sense to be experienced.
It makes sense to wait and learn with your future husband.
It makes sense to just be you as it's your life.

There are no rules, but if we were to go back in time, would we change anything?

Which way as a mature women would we wish it to all be?

Just like there is no guarantee a marriage will last there is no guarantee
a sexual relationship will stay the same. As time goes on people change as there lifestyles change. What helps keeps things solid is the love they have for each other and their ability to compromise. Also, the reason shacking people break up more is because it's easier to leave. Marriage people are more likely to try and work it out because the mindset is associated with the commitment they made.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-23-2008 06:51 PM

Originally Posted by commonsense

Just like there is no guarantee a marriage will last there is no guarantee
a sexual relationship will stay the same. As time goes on people change as there lifestyles change. What helps keeps things solid is the love they have for each other and their ability to compromise. Also, the reason shacking people break up more is because it's easier to leave. Marriage people are more likely to try and work it out because the mindset is associated with the commitment they made.

"Compromise and the love they have for each other"....

Commonsense, that is commonsense. I was once asked "so if i was to love you does that mean i could discuss things with you that may be beneficial for you or both of us and therefore, a compromise, or would it be un-conditional love, like that you have for your animals?"

I had to think hard and long on that one, as i thought that i wanted love like that of which i had with my animals. Possibly, because i was in a loveless relationship where that word "compromise" was not explored as whilst i was willing, he was never willing, he controlled.

So i had to search my inner soul and once i did, i realised that i didn't want love, like i had with my animals, as they would love me regardless of what i did " un-conditionally", which i could not do in a relationship, so i decided, yep, i want love and therefore, i would compromise.

I am in a completely different world now, i went deep in side my soul and inner self to find me...

That is a very valid point in marriage, if of course it's equal and therefore, can be done, one sided is hard.....

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