Thread: What do men think when they watch porn?

Originally Posted by whilhelm

no.

i think the problem is that you're seeing this issue through a woman's perspective. you're sexualizing porn use - and it is not about sex, especially for the addicted male. this is a critical point in understanding & treating porn addiction & the sexual problems it creates for couples.

i think you're exactly right about so many things - both here & on another thread of the same topic. men do NOT need porn. women do NOT need to recreate porn in the bedroom to keep their husband's off the computer.

it's the most common misperception on the part of women concerning a man's porn addiction. "if i just looked & acted more like (fill in the blank) and would let him (fill in the blank), then he wouldn't need porn."

porn addiction, in this respect, is not different from any other form of substance abuse. there is always something deeper driving the addiction - something that has little to nothing to do with the substance itself.

i choose to stay away from porn - and my wife has not tried to become anything. if she felt that she had to twist herself into some semblance of a pornographic fantasy of mine in order to pull me away from porn, that would be even more demeaning to her.

it is only when a guy realizes that his wife is all he needs, that he seeks fulfillment in her alone - not her when she reminds him of a porn star - only then can he truly enjoy an intimate & "no boundaries" sex life.

as you say, it requires communication. porn use discourages communication. replacing porn use on the computer with porn use via a wife trying to "become" porn still discourages communication.

once a guy sees his porn use for what it is, compartmentalizes it properly, separates it from his sexuality - then he can treat it & see it in the right context.

it's not about sex. and trying to treat it as if it were about sex will always miss the mark. it will remain untreated - he will continue to seek porn, regardless of what he sees, feels, & touches in the bedroom with a live partner.

i'll use someone caroline mentioned as an example - jaimie gillis, porn actor from the 60's, 70's, 80's - even in the 90's. this guy had access to every fantasy imaginable & was one of the most prolific actors of his time (in porn). he had hot, dirty sex with the most appealing girls in the business.

if porn was about sex, he would have been satisfied. but he wasn't. he was an avid porn user in his personal life. and even though he was having anal sex and threesomes with beautiful women half his age on screen - he still felt the need to pursue porn, and more deviant forms of it than what he acted in.

today you will find that jaimie gillis is alone. his acting went from mainstream to pure, unimaginable filth. he had sex with men. he raped women on screen with enemas & made them drink the water they expelled. he became obsessed with the youngest actresses he could find - whom he would **** on, smear his feces on them until they vomited in his hand - and he would rub their vomit on them.

in less than 20 years he went from a guy with a strong libido who enjoyed watching the 2 girls he filmed with make out together before he had sex with them - to a guy who got off rubbing sh#t & vomit on young girls.

you will also notice in his later movies he was unable to stay hard. he would hold his limp penis with both hands while he masturbated himself to orgasm - since sex alone wouldn't get him there.

i will submit to you that there is no woman - none - who could ever "become" his porn. he will forever crave something new - something more shocking to his system. and he will probably never seek the treatment he needs to rid himself of that cancer & be able to enjoy a real relationship.

there are millions of men, not so famous, just like him - traveling down the same road. and their wives are clawing after some way to recreate the porn they use so they will look away from the computer & pay attention to them.

it will not work. it is a misplaced effort in futility - and a shining example of both men & women being decieved by porn.

Interesting reading.

I understand that a woman wouldn't want to be that "porn actress" to get him of the computer, i don't believe i suggested that at all, rather was looking at what we as "woman" are may not require where they think they should go.

So, yes, i am answering or stating (1) only side and i see from what you have written, then it's a side of the "new Porn addict" don't you agree.

Not an addicted Porn addict, hense to try to squash that additiction.

Then it raised the real "sickness" of going from one extreme to the other, to the extent of destruction and there would be no room for any woman in that type of life.

So your reply and my Thread and reply pertain to two different types of Porn addicts.

The one where he has only done it "once, twice, three times" and therefore, my comments may be worth while.

To, those whom are so addicted that they need serious help before they go to another sphere they really don't want to go to, or down that track.

In fairness, what i have read here is pertaining only to a small amount and non understanding of how that affect a woman who has clearly not agreed that she likes him to do that.

It seems to be a flavour for topic in that regard.

So i still stand by what i have said, as i am looking at it from a beginner porn adict and the need not to go there but to look further within ....

And, your post was very interesting to say the least. And now you will have all the women out there going through it, definately ensuring they don't take it further.

All points on this topic i think are relevant, pending on what stage it is up to and what the reader gets out of it...