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Thread: My girlfriend has a lot of trouble having an orgasm

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    Default My girlfriend has a lot of trouble having an orgasm


    Alright so I have been dating a girl for a few months... We are in love, or at least I am and she says she is, I assume she isn't lying. Our relationship is great. Obviously it's still new so things could go downhill, but I have high hopes for this one. I will be 24 in a month and she is 20.

    With that said, let's get to the point... We have a GREAT sex life. It's spontaneous when appropriate, planned at times also... We do it slow, fast, hard, soft, at times it's very romantic and special, other times it's just raw hard sex. Just like any other healthy sex life I would think. I go down on her regularly, I finger her regularly. I LOVE foreplay, and I often lick and suck here entire body before actually getting to the point. I strive to make her feel as comfortable as possible, as she has a less than stellar self-image and has some self-esteem issues.

    The problem is, she can't have an orgasm. She has NEVER had a real orgasm in her life. She has been with an average number of partners. None of them have been able to do it or even come close. I personally had never been with a woman that I failed to coax into orgasm through some means (generally oral and my fingers, though intercourse works at times also... But not many women can have an orgasm from pure intercourse anyway). I am not bragging, but I have gotten rave reviews from every woman I have ever been with.

    So this is the first woman I have been with that I haven't been able to bring to orgasm one way or another. That's not to say she doesn't enjoy our sex life, she absolutely does. She just doesn't get over the hump.

    There are a few things you will find interesting in answering this question for me...

    First, she has masturbated in a strange (in her opinion) manner through her entire life. What she does is kind of presses her vagina against a hard surface (like the arm of a chair or something like that) and just grinds on it really hard. She has done this ever since she began masturbating. She can achieve small orgasms in this manner, but that's it. She says that it's the feeling of pressure above her vagina, like on her pubic bone, that coaxes her to orgasm.

    She is very scared that she has somehow desensitized herself by doing this her whole life. Is this possible?

    This leads me to another point:

    When I finger her and/or go down on her, she says it's like nothing she has ever felt before. Her legs twitch, she makes a lot of involuntary noises and her face and chest become very flush and her body temperature rises... The normal signs of a woman approaching orgasm. But then it gets to a certain point, and she says it's too intense and asks me to stop.

    I am very attentive, I think this is the reason I have been able to bring women to orgasm so frequently. I also understand that direct clitoral pressure can be too much for some women, so I ease up when necessary. My girlfriend says it's not painful and that the feeling is just too good and too intense.

    I have suggested to her that she may be close to orgasm and have asked if I can continue, but she says she just can't handle it. I have tried clitoral stimulation alone, I have tried vaginal stimulation + clitoral... I have tried pretty much everything. I have asked her if we could incorporate toys, but she has never used one and doesn't see the point. I told her she doesn't know what she's missing (I very much enjoy using toys on my partners) but I don't want to push it and make her upset so I just dropped it. I have even tried giving her full body massages before sex to relax her.

    I have told her that she should try to have an orgasm on her own throguh more conventional methods of masturbation, but she says she's tried and she can't do it.

    All I want is to be able to make her feel good. She says our sex is perfect and she couldn't ask for more and that everything I do feels better than any man she's ever been with, and I believe her, but it still lingers in the back of my mind that I just want to give her an orgasm so badly.

    Does anyone have any advice? Could she really have "broken" herself so to speak?

  2. #2
    December 2008 "Poster of the Month" Array miffed23's Avatar
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    No, not at all, she hasnt damaged herself. In fact, it is quite normal to masterbate in the way you described, and i imagine quite common. Grinding the pubic bone causes a pressure stimulated response around the clitoral area. (sorry i cant be more scientific!)

    Im incredibly pleased about how attentive you are to her needs, good for you!

    The trembling, intense feeling you described is also quite common...im speaking from experience - its a cross between pleasure and pain. Id suggest lowering the intensity of whatever youre doing, whether it be a case of kissing / rubbing AROUND the clitoris instead of directly ON it? Or maybe be a little softer in whatever youre doing?

    I would highly recommend suggesting to your girlfriend, as long as you think she wont be offended, to use a sex toy in her own time..so that she can work out what feels good for her. A rampent rabbit would be perfect as she can alternate between clitorial and / or vaginal stimulation, and she will be able to lower and increase the intensity too. That is what i did anyway...ive have never been able to reach orgasm through intercourse alone, and i imagine the same applies for many women. Its just a case of every woman being different. The only way i can reach orgasm is to use a vibrator during sex, and i wouldnt have realised that if i hadnt have experimented with sex toys!!

    It isnt anything that you are doing wrong, and i love that you both communicate with each other. Best of luck and keep up the attentiveness!!!

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    You're doing all the right things.

    I would just say give her time. Most 20 year old women have no clue how to respond to a man who is tender and attentive because it's so alien to their experience. She needs to get more used to you so she can relax and open up more. It's easy to take for granted how intimate this is for her. Most women are used to being treated like a place for the guy to put his thing. Also, keep working on the massage. Try to figure out where her energy centers are. Most women hold their tension in the upper back and neck area. Of course foot massage (reflexology) can be a powerful tool as well.

    Apart from that, I'd say this is more about her at this point. Perhaps you can encourage her to post into this forum. Just give her time and be patient. You're still young, and you have a girl in your life who you love and she seems to love you. That is **such** a gift. I'm just saying that some early-20's relationships go all the way, and others don't. You never know. Make the most of the time you have with her in the here and now and do the best you can both inside and outside of the bedroom. That's really all you can do.

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    jde
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    I can totally relate to the problems that your girlfriend is having. When I was reading your post, I was thinking- wow thats exactly what happens to me. For the past 5 years my boyfriend has tried everything, I am getting to the point, where we would consider using toys to -put me over the edge-. Just like you, my boyfriend is very very frustrated.

    Keep being persistent- and definately lighten up when things start to get close- sometimes it becomes painful after so much stimulation-

    Have her experiment more and have her be extremely verbal- The more she learns about her body- the more she'll be able to tell you- how to push her over the edge-

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    TEAM ADMIN Array CHANDLERS WISH's Avatar
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    I am impressed not only do you care how she feels but that at such a young age you have learn't obviously the steps to the 2 different types of orgasims that a woman can have.

    I do think differently that being i am a deep thinker.

    Does she know that "you know" how it all works?

    Maybe there is a fear that she is just a "number" as such at such a young age, as you are, she is, she feels inadequate and new at this and can't compete?

    You may actually have to tell her "she's special and why" make her comfortable as to why she should go down the tract that other girls with you obviously have.

    Girls have in-securities and want to feel " the one" not another one...

    That's what i read and people here know i read into things...

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    Her feeling like the sensation is too intense is not strange. When this happens don't completely stop, but slow down what you are doing.

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    Administrator Array Little's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Toodles View Post
    Her feeling like the sensation is too intense is not strange. When this happens don't completely stop, but slow down what you are doing.
    I don't think that's a good idea; when she tell you to stop, STOP or else you'll have other problems to deal with.
    Ask her if you can slow down instead; don't just do it.

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    May 2008 "Poster of the Month" Array anonymouswhitefemale's Avatar
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    I don't stop quite when I'm told to when giving my partner an orgasm, since she seems to back off a bit, fearing that she'll wee... Which I think is possibly her about to ejaculate (but what do I know). All I know is that she still enjoys herself when I don't stop when told haaha.

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    May 2008 "Poster of the Month" Array anonymouswhitefemale's Avatar
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    ********, no edit...

    It's impossible to make my partner orgasm without toys of some sort. No man had never made her cum before me, and she'd only ever been able to get herself with an electric toothbrush.

    Basically, now I can give her orgasms pretty easily, but only using vibrators - a magic wand and a pellet.


    If she really wants an orgasm why would she say no to toys?

  10. #10
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    First, she has masturbated in a strange (in her opinion) manner through her entire life. What she does is kind of presses her vagina against a hard surface (like the arm of a chair or something like that) and just grinds on it really hard. She has done this ever since she began masturbating. She can achieve small orgasms in this manner, but that's it. She says that it's the feeling of pressure above her vagina, like on her pubic bone, that coaxes her to orgasm.
    Still to today, if i put my finger above the bone and push in, it instantly give me a feeling to work with i don't know why it just does but it is just above the pubic bone. We experiement in life, expecially young and she found a position that worked for her. She needs to step out of this now and find otherways to gain the exact same feeling and more.

    She may just be fearful of her sexuality if she is stimulated and feels that you should stop, heated, confused and maybe she understands all to well what ejaculation is and is frightened of doing that in front of you.

    Maybe engage in phone sex with her, suprise her because if this is the case, she can have that orgasm to it's height without you there in person, but there to stimulate it and listen to her breathing and moans as you talk to her, you may get the picture of where she is at, and work with that from there, sort of create a fantasy.

    I will also say, "sorry" but i don't engage in toys i never found it to surfice having said that, don't get me wrong, i did and do use a brush, ahhh, but that is all i need not the fulling side to side, just the touch 3 inches in and deep penetration and well i have been to every level with him, the brush, he has a name but i'll leave that alone... but i mean every level. So, the point of this being that, and i am not puredish, but i experimented to find and that was good enough for me, the thought of a vibrator and i did try it once, but for me, ( not women) just for me, it felt like a replacement, whereas the brush felt like my own little added "toy" to use if that makes sense. It does the same thing for me, (except the vibrating), lol... But, it doesn't make me feel that i am using a "toy" and that excites me more, as i feel that i am doing all the action, and the results are mine not from a toy, if that makes sense... physcological only, it's the same thing, in retrospect.


    I don't stop quite when I'm told to when giving my partner an orgasm, since she seems to back off a bit, fearing that she'll wee... Which I think is possibly her about to ejaculate (but what do I know). All I know is that she still enjoys herself when I don't stop when told haaha.
    Well, yes anonymous, i agree in your instance, as there is obviously a trust there and she prefers to "say stop" but you being the "man"... I get that. And yes i think they do call it ejaculation, well i know they do..... But that's a hard thing to share with a partner unless you know him really well. It's the depth of sexuality coming out of you or intensity, scary trust me when it's the first time.... I got over it...

    I also think if someone says stop, unless they are in pain, it may be fear, i think if a man then lightly licks her for 30 seconds, very lightly, then gages if she is still insistant to stop or stops saying stop, then that's a better call of judgement than to just stop, if they are partners, there i will agree with Little. It again, could just be embarrasement or like calling him a "************** i hate you", when you are really saying keep going.

    Just my thoughts..

    CW

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