Thread: Do You Know the 'Mating Process'?

Hey ladies,

I was reading an article aimed at men improving their dating lives and the author said that practically every woman knows exactly what has to happen before they have sex with a man, whereas most men simply don't have a clue.

Do you think this is accurate? If so, what do you think has to happen? The author said that if you ask any woman, she'll be able to immediately and easily tell you.

And where do you find most guys make mistakes? I'd be curious about your stories where guys miss or how they usually mess it up.

The biggest mistakes men make are:

- Not understanding how critical timing is.

- Not understanding the female thought process.

- Not understanding that a woman will forgive a lot, if your actions come from a passionate place.

- Not understanding that, when all is said and done, women expect a man to just be a man, that is someone who knows what he wants and acts on it.

- Not understanding that wanting something and having it are two different things. Sometimes it's easier and safer to just want and pine from a distance. You'd be surprised how many men have a hard time letting go of that.

And my personal favorite:

- Not being observant about female behavior. Being too focused on yourself to see when a woman is dropping obvious hints and allowing herself to be vulnerable around you.

Those six are the biggest ones.

Fantastic post! Has made me think a lot.

I would say that we women have a set routine, but within that routine...we all vary!? Let me elaborate...briefly...

step 1) seducation (this will vary dependant on the lady in question)
2) made to feel sexy
3) kissing
4) removal of some clothing plus more kissing
5) attention / awe from man
6) foreplay (and im guessing this is where we all vary the most?)

and...as ive written this, ive changed my opinion completely!! I think that we have the routine mapped out as to how we would like things to happen but then it is bound to change depending on what influences take place..ie. the spontanious side of things.

my brain hurts now.

on the thought of how guys mess it up, id agree with richard..the main one not being able to read the situation and rushing right on in there!

After many years of hot marriage I thought I would comment on the thoughts of another poster...

The biggest mistakes men make are:

- Not understanding how critical timing is.
As much as he adores me and would lay down his life for me as I would for him, I have always set up the timing. If I see he wants it, I read it. Otherwise, he gave up long ago trying to read my mind..

- Not understanding the female thought process.
How can he understand a part of me that changes with the wind...I guess we just are one..

- Not understanding that a woman will forgive a lot, if your actions come from a passionate place.
If my heart was broken and he did something sexually that hurt me, forgiveness would come but it would never be the same...He would have broken a part of us and it would be a hard time mending......if ever...

- Not understanding that, when all is said and done, women expect a man to just be a man, that is someone who knows what he wants and acts on it.
My husband is an honorable man and we think together. We seldom act without consulting each other...It is what makes us who we are.

- Not understanding that wanting something and having it are two different things. Sometimes it's easier and safer to just want and pine from a distance. You'd be surprised how many men have a hard time letting go of that.
I have been made to believe that I AM ALL THE SEXUAL WOMAN THAT ANY MAN could ever want.. I believe this alone has given me the confidence to go to the places where I go and be what I am.....He has shown me the paradise of sexual freedom and I have honored him in being who I am.....

- Not being observant about female behavior. Being too focused on yourself to see when a woman is dropping obvious hints and allowing herself to be vulnerable around you.
If it came down to missing the boat on this, he would still be paddling.....Along the line I have learned to help him but always careful that I have made my idea, his idea and built him up to have the confidence of a King.....And I truly believe, it does not get better than this.....TC, C

Caroline,

What was it like when you first started seeing him? We're you all by yourself or did he have to win you away from someone else? Did he use a seduction technique or did it all sort of just happen? Or did you turn the tables and seduce him?

These are the important questions...

Miffed23, I think you're walking down the avenue I was heading in.

You talked about different stages or crossing different 'bridges'.

That's what I'm after. Basically, what are the physical 'touchstones' that lead to next ones. And since this isn't 'mechanical', what are the FEELINGS generated at each touchstone?

I think us humans, though much complexer, are exactly the same as other mammals, like monkeys or even dogs or cats, as far as the 'mating process' is concerned.

Strip away consciousness and language, and ultimately, the EXACT same process along with its touchstones have to happen.

And I think you hit some of the major touchstones.

Since women want to mate with the most dominant and self-aware male, here's what I think...

Eye Contact

A woman looks for confidence or absence of fear. If a woman notices that a man isn't intimidated by her, her interest is sparked.

Non-Threatening Touch

A woman wants to know if he can control himself and is desires. By touching his hands (holding hands), she can quickly gauge by his response whether he's too eager or if he's grounded.

If he's grounded, she begins feeling attracted to him.

Moving into Personal Space

A woman wants to get a sense of a man's 'presence' so she moves into his personal space, closing the gap. Again, if this doesn't intimidate or cause him to lose his center, she'll want to begin making out.

Then she knows that she can trust him.

Sexual Touch

A woman wants great sex, so she'll notice how eager a man is to get what he wants. If he turns her on, she'll want to go all the way.


That's the basics I see. Would you agree? Disagree? Add to it? Take away from it?

And it seems like I'm hitting the lack of eagerness or instant gratification over and over again in each. Is there something to that?

Then of course, there's things like oral sex, which I understand, like tasting poisonous food, lets someone know immediately if a person has an STD (STI?) or is clean.

You are incredibly correct...i would like to say that we are different to primates, mammels etc as far as the 'mating process' is concerned...but unfortunately i cannot disagree.

However, there is one thing...i dont feel that we specifically want to mate with the most dominant and self-aware male; personally, these men are the most arrogant...so here is the differing trait from animals maybe??

Nevertheless, youre thoughts, again, are spot on. We are comforted by the presence of a man that isnt intimidated by us (although,that is toying with arrogance again )

Personal touch depends on the women herself, personally i like to keep things a bit mysterious...the chase is thrilling.

My biggest agreement comes with sexual touch; If he turns her on, she'll want to go all the way, correct - but then this poses another question in itself - do men follow a particular process in turning a woman on? Do they follow a 'mating process' similar to that of animals??

Originally Posted by miffed23

However, there is one thing...i dont feel that we specifically want to mate with the most dominant and self-aware male; personally, these men are the most arrogant...so here is the differing trait from animals maybe??

The word dominant, I think, tends to be interpreted differently by different people, so perhaps if I explain what I mean by it, let's see if we are on the same page after all.

By dominant, I don't mean domineering or 'bullying'. Domineering means that a guy will impose his view of the world or his reality onto others, without noticing that they are rejecting it internally. And if they do let him know, he's blow it off, implying that they're the one who's 'off'.

Dominant, however, is when a man projects his own reality into the world of communication, YET he recognizes how others respond to it and to him. He respects others rights, but he also knows his rights -- to act as he pleases as long as it doesn't violate others rights. This means he refuses to let anyone's negativity or any behavior put his way that he considers unacceptable to influence him.

Nevertheless, youre thoughts, again, are spot on. We are comforted by the presence of a man that isnt intimidated by us (although,that is toying with arrogance again )

Isn't there a difference between arrogance (which is what is responsible for domineering attitudes) and confidence, which is the root of dominance?

Are we on the same page or would you say that a dominant man (based on my definition) would still be a turn-off?

Do men follow a particular process in turning a woman on? Do they follow a 'mating process' similar to that of animals??

I think they do. Take pea****s for example. They display their tailfeathers when females come close, which is like a demonstration of their 'mating potential'. And apparently, the female will take one look and immediately be able to determine if he'll be a good mate.

I've also heard about some kind of sea animal, where it's like a dance. The male will 'make a behavior'. If the female recognizes that he did it well, she'll respond to it. And if he then demonstrates the next behavior and does it well, she'll respond. They continue through this 'sequence' until he plays it out according to its design, she'll mate with him.

But the moment, he makes a mistake in a behavior, doesn't do it well, or mixes the sequence up or skips one, she moves on. He has to have each behavior perfect and in sequence.

I think, it's the same with humans. There is a 'dance' but it's more interactive and dynamic rather than 'taking turns', and, like the sea animal, if a male does know a step in the sequence or messes one up, a woman moves on to see if the next guy 'gets it'.

What do you think?

Originally Posted by CarolineWH

Even now after all these years I could not mate just with anyone..I think too much of myself...I do not look at a man as a stud to service me...I do not gauge how big his co*k is..I do not wonder how he will caress me and finger me....I do not think about how high his tongue will go up and suck me but the younger woman does this..

No one's saying you did, nor that you should.

This is the difference between a mature woman who knows love and her body and knows it is not for sale.....What I have could not be given away .....I always felt this way but as much as I felt it then, I know it now....I think a mature women who has known what I have known cannot share herself with any man unless she loves him with her whole heart and soul....Youth is youth and age is age....I am blessed with some of each....and I just adore it....

Why do you think that women who want to express themselves and experiment sexually with different guys are selling their bodies? Maybe some women just want to enjoy and share themselves and experience as much fun in life as they can.

And, certainly, isn't there a difference between maturity and age? I've met young women who were much more mature and responsible than older women twice or even three times their age.