Advice anyone?

**ink** · 04-01-2008 03:43 AM

My boyfriend and I don't seem to have sex very often, despite my efforts to get him interested. A couple of weeks ago I finally worked up the courage to ask if there was a problem. He had been away on a month long holiday, and had been back for a month and a half at the time. We hadn't had sex since his return, making it two and a half month in total, which I pointed out.
His reply? "I didn't realize it had been that long".
When I pushed the point, asking if there was a problem, he said that we almost never have an opportunity as we don't see each other enough. I gave several examples of when we did have an opportunity, which he didn't like. (I later did a mental count and concluded that we had seen each other about 20 times in 40 days, although often in public).
His insistence that there is no problem bothered me a lot at first because if there's not a problem, then he just doesn't want to have sex. That of course made me worry about whether I'm unattractive and/or awful in bed, but eventually I convinced myself that him having a low libido was not because of me.
Today we had sex. But here's the other half of our issues, he has never ejaculated with me (with the exception of once very early in our relationship when I was giving him a hand job). It's rare that I can even arouse him to the point where his eyes roll back into his head. I've asked repeatedly what he likes and made suggestions about new things we could try (never in relation to the absence of ejaculation as I didn't want him to feel self-conscious) but nothing either of us comes up with seems to work.
I've only commented on this to him twice. The first time was shortly after we started having sex, to which he responded "I thought I was going to but then didn't". I thought I had managed to keep the tone here light and avoid making him feel pressured, but maybe not . . . The second time I commented on it was today, when I half-playfully observed that he didn't appear to be satisfied (he still had an erection) and was an invitation to come back to bed. Thinking about this now, I probably didn't handle it very well as his response was awkward (unlike the first time), he stuttered something like "yeah that" and made a dismissive gesture with his hand.
I don't know what kind of advice I'm hoping to get here or even what I'm asking, but please pile it on because I'm honestly at my wits end. I don't know what to do to get past these issues, or even if it's possible to get past them . . . Sorry this is such a long post.

**barbielovesken** · 04-01-2008 03:53 AM

kiss and lick his neck close to his ears give him light love bites during sex. and most of all while on top rock your hips. foreplay is always great.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-01-2008 04:52 AM

What was your sexual desires at first in your relationship, and how long have you been going out together?

I think to answer, more info would be good.

Your intentions may in fact not be at fault or there may be issues.

Do you go there, or do you foreplay first for instance.

**ink** · 04-01-2008 05:15 AM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

What was your sexual desires at first in your relationship, and how long have you been going out together?

I think to answer, more info would be good.

Your intentions may in fact not be at fault or there may be issues.

Do you go there, or do you foreplay first for instance.

We've been together two and a half years. When we first got together we used to play with each other four or five times a week (although we were living next door then which made it very easy) but we didn't have sex for the first time until after we'd been together for over a year. We always have foreplay first.

**swordiano** · 04-01-2008 08:07 AM

Men get bored by routine.
Change your way, style, position ..etc.
Men get easily Seduced. You just need to know what he likes in bed.

**miffed23** · 04-01-2008 12:17 PM

Hmmm tricky one honey.

My ex and i were together for 3 years and things were quite similar...to start off with, i.e. the first 6 months sex was wild, after a year together it slowly started decreasing and at the 3 year mark we were having sex once every 3 months, always initiated by me. I know its normal for things to slow down obviously, but id be interested to know how often people around the 3 year relationship mark are having sex.

Back to your situation, sorry about the side-tracking... id agree to change things, try and spice things up, let your inhibitions run wild and if no prevail...hes going to have to talk to you.

Im concerned about him not ejaculating, and i dont want to call it a problem..but i do feel like its bordering on one. I hope that doesnt offend you in any way. It sounds to me like youre doing all the right things, can he reach orgasm through masterbation?? If so, ask him if you can watch...learn...and take over??

I hope you sort things.

**rcoreyus** · 04-01-2008 03:48 PM

Delayed ejaculation isn't that unusual. If you can talk with him about it, find out if he can ejaculate through masturbation. If not there might be a physical problem. If he can, then either he is just nervous around you (quite possible), or you don't know what sort of technique he likes (also possible - how could you unless he's told you).

If he can masturbate to orgasm, see if he can do it with you there - and maybe helping: give him oral while he stimulates himself, for example. See what sort of things he likes.

It is possible his lack of interest in sex is related to his problems reaching orgasm - he may be embarassed about it.

Is there anythign he wants in bed that you don't want to do? Maybe he has fixated on wanting something?

Just thoughts.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-01-2008 05:13 PM

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

Delayed ejaculation isn't that unusual. If you can talk with him about it, find out if he can ejaculate through masturbation. If not there might be a physical problem. If he can, then either he is just nervous around you (quite possible), or you don't know what sort of technique he likes (also possible - how could you unless he's told you).

If he can masturbate to orgasm, see if he can do it with you there - and maybe helping: give him oral while he stimulates himself, for example. See what sort of things he likes.

It is possible his lack of interest in sex is related to his problems reaching orgasm - he may be embarassed about it.

Is there anythign he wants in bed that you don't want to do? Maybe he has fixated on wanting something?

Just thoughts.

I agree with the advice and thoughts, hense why i asked the question as you had stated the second time you asked him regarding no ejaculation he got defensive.

I experienced this as well a couple of times with my ex-husband and it's not un-common, frustrating for a woman and in the end it can be horrid as he continues faster and faster to try, whilst you just don't feel it anymore as it's movement only and therefore get dry and want to push him of.

It could be the reason why he is declining sex as he knows that you pick it up, he could feel embarrased.

Perhaps mix your sex, with oral more as this post has suggested so you can take him on different journeys un-beknown to him, and see if those journeys assist him.

I am sure also there are sites that you can google and see why a man can not ejaculate, which you can't take as Doctor's advice but there could be suggestions and techniques you can add.

It could all be in the "touch" so to speak, instead of the deed.

**ink** · 04-02-2008 12:13 AM

Hi Guys,
Thank you all for your wonderful advice. Miffed, you are a very long way off offending me, I came here for advice and that's what I got

. It's reassuring to know that other people out there have similar issues. I really liked the suggestions about watching/taking part in his masturbation as I think it will be much easier to broach the issue if I have some ideas about how we can address it (rather than just saying, "you have issues" and not know where to go from there!)
I will try out a few of your suggestions and come back for more (if they're still needed

)
Thanks again,
Ink

**miffed23** · 04-03-2008 11:57 AM

Any progression hun?

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