What Does Femininity Mean to You?

**Channel1** · 04-01-2008 09:26 PM

In the other thread I started here, the topic of women's sexuality came up numerous times. I've always thought of women's sexuality as femininity, so I will consider both one and the same (unless someone disagrees).

That said, some of you talked about wanting men who understood femininity or women's sexuality 100%. That raises my curiosity on two points.

So here's another 'brain workout' routine...

1) Just what exactly does femininity mean to you? What is the definition -- or essence of female sexuality?

2) And how do you KNOW when a man understands your femininity? Do you just recognize it unconsciously somehow -- or are their signs that you consciously notice along the way?

I sometimes wonder if you think of men you date with an almost "Innocent until proven guilty" type of approach. So a guy is assumed to 'get it' until you notice that he does or doesn't do one of the things that Chandlers Wish mentioned.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-02-2008 04:26 AM

Originally Posted by Channel1

In the other thread I started here, the topic of women's sexuality came up numerous times. I've always thought of women's sexuality as femininity, so I will consider both one and the same (unless someone disagrees).

Well i disagree but i can ascertain why you think they are the same. For instance, if a woman is feminine, she is more than likely a woman, lady, as a woman knows what she wants, you can assume, sexuality place a part, as feminine in a mans eye man mean, the way she dresses, carrys herself, the shoes she wears, makeup hair.....

That said, some of you talked about wanting men who understood femininity or women's sexuality 100%. That raises my curiosity on two points.

Sexuality, is where she can show her identity, her behaviour is one of confidence, she oozes sexuality her attitudes and words are confident, via her communication.

So here's another 'brain workout' routine...

1) Just what exactly does femininity mean to you? What is the definition -- or essence of female sexuality?

DEFINED.

2) And how do you KNOW when a man understands your femininity? Do you just recognize it unconsciously somehow -- or are their signs that you consciously notice along the way?

He can sense the openess, creativity of the way you put yourself together, it is un-feminine for-isntance to swear, dress in-appropriately, yet, it is visual do you not think? If she is feminine in her appearance, words, her hair, makeup is soft. He should see the difference.

Do you? a man knows what is feminine or not.

I sometimes wonder if you think of men you date with an almost "Innocent until proven guilty" type of approach. So a guy is assumed to 'get it' until you notice that he does or doesn't do one of the things that Chandlers Wish mentioned.

Are you suggesting that we assume they are "innocent" until proven "guilty". As the typical male has one thing on his mind he is always guilty, therefore, guilty until proven innocent, as Chandler Wish mentioned.... innocent of not having one thing on his mind, rather that on his mind, but wanting more, to know you.

My list, is my list, of what i seek and i have a lot of male friends to so i get my info on what they seek, as much as what i seek, but i agree for me, that is, if they have none of those things, qualities they don't get it... That being how to in your words "mate" after dating.

**Little** · 04-02-2008 08:51 AM

I definitely don't think that femininity and sexuality are the same thing ... little girls are feminine ... dresses are feminine. There's a BIG difference between carrying oneself in a feminine manner ... poised, small steps, etc, and carrying oneself sexually ... that S-shaped posture, strutting, smirking.
I don't think "women's sexuality" or "men's sexuality" are healthy terms. A woman could have a sky-high appetite for random sex, and a man could be a shy virgin just waiting for the one woman he loves to be the first. As genders, we're wired differently, sure. But as people, from one person to the next, we're wired differently too.
The point in understanding sexuality is to understand each individual person, not a gender as a whole.

**Fallen1** · 04-02-2008 09:30 AM

Originally Posted by Little

I definitely don't think that femininity and sexuality are the same thing ... little girls are feminine ... dresses are feminine. There's a BIG difference between carrying oneself in a feminine manner ... poised, small steps, etc, and carrying oneself sexually ... that S-shaped posture, strutting, smirking.
I don't think "women's sexuality" or "men's sexuality" are healthy terms. A woman could have a sky-high appetite for random sex, and a man could be a shy virgin just waiting for the one woman he loves to be the first. As genders, we're wired differently, sure. But as people, from one person to the next, we're wired differently too.
The point in understanding sexuality is to understand each individual person, not a gender as a whole.

That was the point I brought up on the other thread. These questions cannot be answered with a "list" or a set of "rules". We all are different.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding Channel1's posts (and please correct me if I am) but they come across to me as saying that he/she is under the assumption that women will automatically sleep with any guy as long as he happens to do all the things on her check list of right things to say/do.

I can say for me that is not true. I've had a lot of male friends that were just wonderful guys and would make great mates but I didn't sleep with them, nor did I have the desire to. On the flip side of that my boyfriend and I clash on a lot of things and really he is not the perfect mate for me .... but I love him.

There's got to be some kind of connection there.

Maybe I'm way off in left field here with my response. It wouldn't be the first time.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-02-2008 12:33 PM

Originally Posted by Fallen1

That was the point I brought up on the other thread. These questions cannot be answered with a "list" or a set of "rules". We all are different.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding Channel1's posts (and please correct me if I am) but they come across to me as saying that he/she is under the assumption that women will automatically sleep with any guy as long as he happens to do all the things on her check list of right things to say/do.

I can say for me that is not true. I've had a lot of male friends that were just wonderful guys and would make great mates but I didn't sleep with them, nor did I have the desire to. On the flip side of that my boyfriend and I clash on a lot of things and really he is not the perfect mate for me .... but I love him.

There's got to be some kind of connection there.

Maybe I'm way off in left field here with my response. It wouldn't be the first time.

That is why i said my list is 'my list' your not off in left field

It is a bit like buying a house though, you start with a list of where you want to live, what type of house, new or old, how many roms, garages and by the time you look around but you either note there are none matching your description, or you fall for one that was not even on that list.

So, the list in my instance is only answering the question, "what mistakes do men make when i date them "for that initial date" coffee or a glass of wine date, that i would look for or i guess, hope for as a potential partner.

So i appreciate, as i said in my first reply on that thread, "don't you mean dating", full stop really, as apposed to dating to mate.

Or dating to find a potential partner for you, perhaps.

Dating to mate does take on a different light, called "THE ART OF SEDUCTION"

I will add that whilst pointing out the difference of femininity and sexuality a woman can also be both, not either either, again making there a difference between the two ( not).

**Richard S** · 04-02-2008 01:32 PM

Well, one thing I've learned in my life is that female sexuality doesn't exist to fulfill men's desires. It exists to fulfill itself. It's a force of nature. It's the privilege of being a man just to be able to play your role in the process, giving a woman the space to reveal herself to you in those intimate, passionate moments.

It's different every time. Some women are straightforward, others need you to "be the man" because they have too much going on internally, and they know they'll never sort it all out. They need you to take that problem away from them. Some women are argumentative, y, almost to the point of being impossible, but they need the man, they need that process to sort out their own feelings. They'd hate it if you ever left, even if they would *never* fess up and admit that they like it when you put them in their place.

The worst thing is that, now that I've been married for several years, I can almost always spot when a woman is vulnerable, when she is seeking male attention / approval. Even within the context of a strictly platonic friendship, women still like a man to be attentive, thoughtful, and considerate, with that subtle element of masculinity running under the surface. They pretend not to notice, but the truth is they don't miss a thing.

One more thing I'll say. I'm the last man on earth to ever be a player, and I've lost women for being "too available" while other guys would play a girl like a fiddle, make her jealous, etc. One time I was seeing a girl and met someone else, and I had to be honest and let each one know what was going on because of "safe sex" and all that, that I wasn't being exclusive. I was scared how each would react, but they were both fine with it, and then I saw how they were more vulnerable and feminine around me, especially in those tender, intimate moments. I guess I learned something, got a glimpse into the female soul...

**ChelseaRenee** · 04-02-2008 01:52 PM

Originally Posted by Richard S

Well, one thing I've learned in my life is that female sexuality doesn't exist to fulfill men's desires. It exists to fulfill itself. It's a force of nature. It's the privilege of being a man just to be able to play your role in the process, giving a woman the space to reveal herself to you in those intimate, passionate moments.

It's different every time. Some women are straightforward, others need you to "be the man" because they have too much going on internally, and they know they'll never sort it all out. They need you to take that problem away from them. Some women are argumentative, y, almost to the point of being impossible, but they need the man, they need that process to sort out their own feelings. They'd hate it if you ever left, even if they would *never* fess up and admit that they like it when you put them in their place.
The worst thing is that, now that I've been married for several years, I can almost always spot when a woman is vulnerable, when she is seeking male attention / approval. Even within the context of a strictly platonic friendship, women still like a man to be attentive, thoughtful, and considerate, with that subtle element of masculinity running under the surface. They pretend not to notice, but the truth is they don't miss a thing.

One more thing I'll say. I'm the last man on earth to ever be a player, and I've lost women for being "too available" while other guys would play a girl like a fiddle, make her jealous, etc. One time I was seeing a girl and met someone else, and I had to be honest and let each one know what was going on because of "safe sex" and all that, that I wasn't being exclusive. I was scared how each would react, but they were both fine with it, and then I saw how they were more vulnerable and feminine around me, especially in those tender, intimate moments. I guess I learned something, got a glimpse into the female soul...

What, exactly, is my place? I'd just love to know.

**Richard S** · 04-02-2008 03:59 PM

Originally Posted by ChelseaRenee

What, exactly, is my place? I'd just love to know.

My point is, that one definition of femininity is that, in the midst of an argument when the emotions are running high, when a guy finds the right way to lead, to be masterful without being domineering, the woman will just sort of "let him" be that way and everything will fall into place. One thing I've found is that seeing the humor in a situation often works wonders.

**ChelseaRenee** · 04-02-2008 04:20 PM

Originally Posted by Richard S

My point is, that one definition of femininity is that, in the midst of an argument when the emotions are running high, when a guy finds the right way to lead, to be masterful without being domineering, the woman will just sort of "let him" be that way and everything will fall into place. One thing I've found is that seeing the humor in a situation often works wonders.

I still don't agree, but in the future, I don't think the wording "putting her in her place" will please any woman, unless she thinks it's cute to be meek and pathetic.

Also, would it be considered masculine of my boyfriend if I were to find a masterful way to lead the argument into a closure, if I were to "show him his place" and he submitted to me? Since you're saying the same thing would be a definition of femininity, were the roles reversed.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-02-2008 04:33 PM

Originally Posted by Richard S

Well, one thing I've learned in my life is that female sexuality doesn't exist to fulfill men's desires. It exists to fulfill itself. It's a force of nature. It's the privilege of being a man just to be able to play your role in the process, giving a woman the space to reveal herself to you in those intimate, passionate moments.

Now if i said, " i couldn't agree more on this whole post" would you hold that against me? I know that the guy i am seeing, shows proudness of the way i have developed so to speak in those areas you describe and he gave me the space to come out, and show which is a **** scary thing trust me, as you go down that journey.

It's different every time. Some women are straightforward, others need you to "be the man" because they have too much going on internally, and they know they'll never sort it all out. They need you to take that problem away from them. Some women are argumentative, y, almost to the point of being impossible, but they need the man, they need that process to sort out their own feelings. They'd hate it if you ever left, even if they would *never* fess up and admit that they like it when you put them in their place.

The most difficult thing for a woman whom has broken up with a man and is back out there "ready" for a relationship, not searching per say, is that she does in fact have inner issues, of the past relationship and what she learnt from and that she does not
want in the next one. I agree, for me anyway, that " a man" taking that problem away and the fear of him leaving and the excitement of being put in your place is a challenge and a want.

The guy i keep referring to has open the doors where others failed, let that inner child out, touched and reached the soul, "broke me" if you will, and has "told me off" subtley "you don't want to go there" when i think i can beat him at his game, which there was none, i just wanted to give it a go...mmmm. Got the message. And once, i recall i thought there was an issue, he explained from his side, left it for me to think about. And, my response was you can't go anywhere i would miss you, once i worked out that i was simply being in-secure, vulnerable but even there, you are right, he was manly about the situation, not please, please etc, and i respected that once reflected.

So, yes, for me, i sorted out through him who i am, that inner child came out, the woman came out, i danced in circles, and eventually got total clarity. He also bought out the sexuality that was dying to come out, the sensuality that became hidden and that there is nothing wrong to explore, to love yourself first etc.

The worst thing is that, now that I've been married for several years, I can almost always spot when a woman is vulnerable, when she is seeking male attention / approval. Even within the context of a strictly platonic friendship, women still like a man to be attentive, thoughtful, and considerate, with that subtle element of masculinity running under the surface. They pretend not to notice, but the truth is they don't miss a thing.

I still become vulnerable from time to time, and in-secure i think most women do if there is a "question", so we do seek that, but not today in this reply I also agree we have a subtle element of masculinity within us, i have stated that in another thread, we don't miss a thing because we are intuitive....

One more thing I'll say. I'm the last man on earth to ever be a player, and I've lost women for being "too available" while other guys would play a girl like a fiddle, make her jealous, etc. One time I was seeing a girl and met someone else, and I had to be honest and let each one know what was going on because of "safe sex" and all that, that I wasn't being exclusive. I was scared how each would react, but they were both fine with it, and then I saw how they were more vulnerable and feminine around me, especially in those tender, intimate moments. I guess I learned something, got a glimpse into the female soul...

Yep, the nice guy but we still need a bit of bad, i'm happy with the subtle being told of, showing he's a man, that's bad enough for me, i like the nice guy he is.

I think a woman's soul is amazing, when she reaches true intimacy within her self as a person, and with her partner combined with no inhibitions.. I couldn't be anyone else now nor would i want to be.

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