Dollface2008

So I was just wonding what everyones views were on friends with benifits. Ive been hooking up with this guy for about 5 months now always on occasion and never really hang out except for a few times. we used to be really good friends who talked daily, but now with our different lives me going to school, and him working full time our close friendship has seemed to slip away. However, I had just got out of a long relationship where I had alot of sex on a very regular and good basis. When this came to an abrupt ending I got really upset and had alot of noncomitted sex preticuarly with my current partner. Its hard to go from good sex on a regular basis to no sex at all! What do you think I should do? I have a very strong connection to this person I'm with now and I feel like me only having sex with him is putting us in the only benifits no longer friends situation, but I feel like he is someone who I could date at the same time. I dont know what to do! Should I cut him out of my life completly? But at the same time I don't know if a relationship is do-able now for me and I do enjoy the occasional good sex with him because of the intense attraction we have for eachother. and I need to make a decision on him. PLEASE HELP ME! what would you do!?

CHANDLERS WISH

I have to say i really really really had to think hard here.

A friend is a friend and yes you can get involved and change that, but as you say it's "occasional" you've crossed that barrier i think, pending on who is instigating the "occasional" you or him? If it him, then you have to consider that he may not want to "date" and you may need to sit down and ask whether you wish to have what was more important in your lifes, that "friendship" if it is you, because you say you don't know if a relationship is dueable, then he may be letting you work that side of you out?

The only answer i can give for a sexually frustrated woman, is to satisfy herself and explore, explore and explore, visualise whom you want to be with so he is formost in your mind and go for it.

Then you can clear you head and actually work out "who" you want instead of just wanting sex!

And work towards that next partner in your life, who ever his is, this "friend" or someone you haven't met yet.

If you chose to just sleep with someone to assist relieve that sexual tension then you have to make that clear and be safe as well at the same time if you know what i mean and best that they are not in your circle of people that know people.

Hope that helps.

CW

Dollface2008

yeah its always him that inniciates it I only have a few times and when I had that liquid confidence in me. haha the fact is that we never hang out and all the same friends we have in comman have moved away to college or what not and that was how we were so close before. Ive tried to ignore his calls and texts before because my friends always tell me that hes not worth it because all he wants is sex, but when we are together its very intimate i.e lots of kissing more then anything and he always seeks to please me, even if it means he doesnt get verymuch pleasure out of it. SO a part of me thinks that he cares more then just hooking up for me but then another part of me thinks that with our lives being so different now and him dropping out of school I dont think us being together would be the best choice for me and where im trying to go in life. Its so hard though because Ive really fallin for him and cant seem to dig myself out.

CHANDLERS WISH

You know, men like to feel like a "MAN". The last thing they want you to do is to tell your friends he was a hopeless kisser, or bad in bed, so they will always put it out, on show...

Dropping out of school and where your heading in life well yes, i understand your thoughts there, do you understand why he dropped out? What he wants in life? If it is nothing, then that's a huge hurdle for him to jump over.

If he instigates it mostly, unless you feel "cool" and flirtatious, but doesn't ask you out, ( besides not having money) there are other places you can go for free, then it's just a good time for the time and therefore you either have to decide if that's okay for now or not.

But, if you are falling for him, imagine if he stays on this path, "now i have you where i want you so to speak", only now when i want to come over, you can sit back and wait. You don't want that type of lust either, it will drive you insane and pull you down.

So, stand tall i think, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Hystorm

May I add a guys point of view...
Guys generally don't mind being used (or whatever word makes you comfortable) for sex! its been said that Women fall in love faster through sex than Men, but its also possible he may or already has fallen in love with you.
If thats the case, is it worth it to break his heart eventually?
If you both come to some kind of agreement that its sex only, then you may be just fine....for now.

CHANDLERS WISH

True Hystorm. A woman falls in love very fast once she has had sex with a man more than once, as she feels bonded straight away. And, yep, if he texts and phones as well, maybe he does have a bit of a feel for her, then again, what are those calls about, come over? Let's have sex? Or Hi, how are you that's all i was calling for?

It's interesting to see outside that square from a male's perspective, that he may actually be falling in love with her to, with calls and texts, missed that one.

But i think if she answers herself what the calls and texts are about then she will have that answer.

Good thought.

C

Here I will disagree completely....I do not think a woman falls in love after having sex...Most women have sex to please a man...They may put on their act of loving it but most women are looking for acceptance and a partner from the start....I have been in love with a man all my life but it had nothing to do with sex....It was the man that I loved.....I loved him from the start and sex was never even a consideration...The love I feel for this man and the hot heat from what we do to each other has to be a sin but I cannot ever believe that this simple act of touching body parts does what the heart must perform to make it real.....

A woman falls in love with love and this is part of it so they accept it....It is seldom that they truly appreciate the beauty of this erotic and sensual place of the God's.....Just my thoughts....C

CHANDLERS WISH

True Caroline, a woman doesn't fall in love after having sex, but that not i don't think what Hystorm was referring or myself.

I am saying, even when you had sex with your husband, for instance finally, you must have fell even deeper in love than you were as you bonded, intimately.

I am just agreeing that if you have feelings for someone and then you are intimate and again intimate, a woman does usually fall fast for that man more so, as she has bonded, she feels that she belongs.

He, on the other hand may have simply liked her, been intimate a couple of times but still "likes her", he does not bond the same way a woman does, as we know we lust and desire, it was not about the sex, rather the bonding of a woman to a man more so, once she had, if she had some form of feelings before hand.

I think this thread as he was a friend first. Bonded a friendship, then she kind of liked his attitude enough to sleep with him, then feelings came into play after a few times as she "bonded" intimately, and therefore she now has stronger feelings.

So she is trying to work out if he does to, as she has "fallen" after sleeping with him a few times, or whether he is just having sex with her " friend's benefits" as her title suggests.

We do bond i think, if you look back. Now you two bonded together, i understand that, but one had to have bonded more so first, one had to have even more desire for the other once the marriage was consumated and i am betting it was you. We lust and desire more, we have "feelings",our love is deeper therefore don't you think? And intimacy on a deep level makes us the greater bonder.

C

You know you could talk around the clock about bonding and falling in love but I will agree a woman falls in love with just about any guy that she beds down with...ESPECIALLY if she is not a much sought after woman...Now it is different with a woman that know that she is hot and has had much attention by the opposite sex....She is cool and does not fall in love......If she is good in bed he just might fall in love with her first...Or fall in lust with her....Lonely woman, fall in love........Hot woman, play the field...

As for my husband, first I never used the word bond but it would have been him first...Ever since I was around 19 everything about me has matured....Even love......This strong sexual place where I am now is the hottest love that I have ever known.....So I guess that bond or "glue" stuck well......TC, C

CHANDLERS WISH

Yep, that was the only point i was trying to make. I agree that a woman feels more "intimate" then, with the man she ends up, be it after 1 week, or 1 year, being "intimate with that man more so than he may with her in the immediate terminology"... It's an instinct of emotions that women have, i think more so than men. I think confidence plays more of a key where love plays a role, as aposed to lonliness...

Yes, i guess your bond " glue" stuck very well.....

Now i'll stop before i get accused of changing the question around for this thread....