Thread: Husband Needs Help

Originally Posted by Greydog72

again, thanks.

We had already have had one of our kids and a little bit before the next. I know that women sometimes lose sex drive and may have issues after child birth. We have talked about it several times. About being shy, we use to shower regularly together. Every once in awhile, she will let me see her get dress and sneak a peak, but I think she is doing that just so I won't get upset. I'm not asking to be like we use too and have sex every night. I know that stats of what marriage couples do and how many times they have sex, especially after they have been married for some time. This is not the first time I have research these issues. I just want a health relationship, I think I've gone more than half ways to try to reach an agreement. I don't dare ask for anything past the norm, I don't ask for her to perform anything different anymore. Everything I do now she thinks it leads to sex and I try to tell her that thats not what I'm all about. I wish we would go get counseling, believe me, I'm ready. She has had some women issues, but she won't even go to see if there is anything to for them. After our 3rd child, she had a very good doctor and she did ask him about some issues but she wouldn't do anything about them. I've asked her to go see him but she just declines and says that I don't know what I'm talking about. I hope this message doesn't sound like I'm upset. I'm just trying to find new things to try so I won't lose hope, because that is the only thing that I think I have left.

I don't think it matters what you were both like before or how many times, as obviously you loved each other and it's obvious that you love her.

I know that i also had sex every day with my husband, and often twice for around 4 months but then i felt ahh... Only because he would just "do it" there was no passion, no kissing, touching either his hands wandered straight there or his man hood did and in the end i felt like a "piece of meat" so i had to ask him to cool it... Then try to get my head back around it again.

I basically had a few non communicative sexual relationships before him and i was dragged out of a night club and hit, thrown down a ditch by neighbours boys in a creek as i walked to school, fortunately i was never raped but as a woman? Yes both did effect me to what i thought of men, just wanting "that"...

I am a very strong woman and fortunately as i said, "they were minor" but physcologically to some women they may have been enought to tip someone over the edge. I haven't thought of either since i joined this Forum and that's the truth. But as i said, i live for today not yesterday.

But the point being, is she was sexually abused, of course she is "still a woman" and wants children, marriage but i don't think she can move past those years. She tried, she had her children, she got the marriage but the most important thing she didn't do was to get help to get over it and it in my opinion has been locked in there every since.

Each touch you give her, each flower you buy her to her, means "sex" and she is turned of by that big time, always has been in my opinion as i said, "tried" as she wanted kids and the "word" marriage...

I'm sorry but from what you are saying, it's deep... Somehow you have to become the physologist and re-train her thoughts on things, which means no sex, it means no touching, it means building a trust that she can feel comfortable with, that's " not so bad" i can do that, "he doesn't want it he wants it because he wants me"... Maybe seek that form of advice outside for yourself and see.

As i said though, i was truly beginning to think that all men just do it for themselves until i met this guy and well, he can have what he wants to be honest.

So, if she feels that you are in her catagory of men now, and that's her thoughts, problem but if she does then you are in that box with them and you have to be outside of it...

It may be good to get out with her, non threatening, where there are people like parks, sea, and just walk with her, hold her hand and talk about life, funny things, let her see the old side again without telling her that is what you are doing and all non threatening so she feels comfortable with it and keep gaging her reactions.

But this is a lot of work you have put in and a lot of work you will put in with no guarantees.

It's natural to care, it's natural to nurture 15 years is a long time but in the end, she has to start to give way and understand why she is the way she is and open up to someone...

Maybe she needs to be on here instead.....

Best wishes.

CW