Thread: Boyfriend not turned on by me anymore?

Originally Posted by MagickVixen

Yes, I asked him if I still turn him on. I told him that I feel he doesn't as much as in the beginning. That's when he said I was talking crazy. I don't want him to get mad, I just don't feel very self confident anymore, especially after gaining some weight. He told me once, about half a year ago, that if I gained too much weight (or got "fat") that he'd break up with me. I'm trying really hard not to though. All of our friends have children now. My best friend, who introduced us, will be having a child in two months. He's not a drinker and his work schedule is the same as it's always been. Could it be that since he turned thirty he wants to "grow up" and have a family of his own because all of our friends our age are doing it, but at the same time is afraid to do so? Maybe that's why he's not very "intimate" as much?

By the way, thank you guys for the responses. Much appreciated.

It's a strange thing when a man says " if you put on too much weight i'd break up with you", that's kind of a bit controlling, it didn't work for my ex husband with his first wife, she gained 6 dress sizes and walked out on him in the end. We are who we are and you love someone for who they are not what the look like today, tomorrow or future.

That, therefore makes you walk on egg shells, puts you in that self conscious mode and insecurity comes out to bite you in the bum Imagine, " i must lose 2 kilos, i must eat this type of food, i must walk for 10 minutes today, i must"...ahhhhh.

To me, i must be happy, i must feel great, i am beautiful, i have a good heart and soul, i look fabulous in that mirror i am me.... "Want me?"...

So, firstly i would be going the other direction and say " you know what hun, if i have a child, i'm going to be very big and right now, i look great, i love the extra curves i've got, just thought i'd let you know... "

Time to condition yourself and him, this is you and there is absoultely nothing wrong with YOU.....

Yes, i do believe that when all your friends have children, and one of your closest is expecting, so he may very well just be feeling that you want that to now and just letting you know he's not ready yet, let's look at next year.

So, to me, the insecurity aspect which is silly and wrong, your beautiful, combined with you probably talking about the new baby to be coming on board, he sees, insecurity and is stepping back a bit, because that usually leads to marraige, that baby thing, he may very will think that is what you are thinking and that is how you are acting, married and he wants that but not yet, he wants the lust and passion that is a relationship that can continue once married but some guys aren't ready for that committment even at 30. But love their relationship and wants that to continue with the view of that committment when he's ready.

Maybe, you both need to simply enjoy "relationship" stage and be thank ful that you have that, no kids to keep you up at night, interfere with your love making, tie you down so you can't go out and re-gain that youth of the "honeymoon stage" and keep that alive.

Once one partner thinks ahead, or that's what he thinks the other partner is thinking, it well could very well destroy the sexual appetite if they are not ready.

Just enjoy what you have because you need to be on this high all the way through, not lose it before you even get married.

That's how i read it.

CW