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Thread: Boyfriend not turned on by me anymore?

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    Default Boyfriend not turned on by me anymore?


    I have been with my boyfriend for a year and three months now. When we first got together we had lots of fun. Almost always hanging out together, playing around. And we had sex at least four days a week and sometimes more than once a day. It was wonderful, and in my opinion got even better as we got to know each others likes and dislikes better. But lately though my boyfriend doesn't seem interested anymore. We only have sex about three times a month now. I have put on some weight since we first met, but not much I think. Could it be that my little weight gain has turned him off? What could I possibly do to get him turned on like he used to be? It's been like this for a couple of months now and I don't know what to do about it.


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    I doubt it is your weight gain, or anythign else you are doing. Some people just seem to lose interest in sex.

    Is there anythign stressful in the relationship - thinking of having children?, getting married? anything that might make him stress out?

    Can you talk to him about it?

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    Well, I tried to talk to him about it but he gets angry when I bring it up. All he says is "No, you're talking crazy". He's only 30 years old, so I wouldn't think that a man his age would just lose interest in sex. I'm just not sure what to think. He did, however, tell me about two weeks ago that he would "be ready to have kids next year". I on the other hand am not so sure it is a good idea as he still has a little bit more maturing to do and I would also like to be married first. Although I haven't brought up the whole marriage thing yet for fear that it may be too soon and I don't want to freak him out.
    MagickVixen

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    Quote Originally Posted by MagickVixen View Post
    Well, I tried to talk to him about it but he gets angry when I bring it up. All he says is "No, you're talking crazy". He's only 30 years old, so I wouldn't think that a man his age would just lose interest in sex. I'm just not sure what to think. He did, however, tell me about two weeks ago that he would "be ready to have kids next year". I on the other hand am not so sure it is a good idea as he still has a little bit more maturing to do and I would also like to be married first. Although I haven't brought up the whole marriage thing yet for fear that it may be too soon and I don't want to freak him out.
    Not sure what you say to him, for him to say "your crazy", i am assuming your asking if he still finds you attractive, those types of questions.

    If he mentioned "kids next year" after i think you said one a half years together? Maybe he thinks you want to go down that path, or it's the normal progression, are your friends all with young children?

    And you need to correct him there if you are not ready, tell him you'd love to have his children, can't think of anything more than to do so, but all in good time, no rush without bringing up marriage yet...

    Is he working harder, longer hours, changed jobs, going out more, drinking more?

    All of the above can make him more tired than usual.

    CW

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    Yes, I asked him if I still turn him on. I told him that I feel he doesn't as much as in the beginning. That's when he said I was talking crazy. I don't want him to get mad, I just don't feel very self confident anymore, especially after gaining some weight. He told me once, about half a year ago, that if I gained too much weight (or got "fat") that he'd break up with me. I'm trying really hard not to though. All of our friends have children now. My best friend, who introduced us, will be having a child in two months. He's not a drinker and his work schedule is the same as it's always been. Could it be that since he turned thirty he wants to "grow up" and have a family of his own because all of our friends our age are doing it, but at the same time is afraid to do so? Maybe that's why he's not very "intimate" as much?

    By the way, thank you guys for the responses. Much appreciated.
    MagickVixen

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    Quote Originally Posted by MagickVixen View Post
    Yes, I asked him if I still turn him on. I told him that I feel he doesn't as much as in the beginning. That's when he said I was talking crazy. I don't want him to get mad, I just don't feel very self confident anymore, especially after gaining some weight. He told me once, about half a year ago, that if I gained too much weight (or got "fat") that he'd break up with me. I'm trying really hard not to though. All of our friends have children now. My best friend, who introduced us, will be having a child in two months. He's not a drinker and his work schedule is the same as it's always been. Could it be that since he turned thirty he wants to "grow up" and have a family of his own because all of our friends our age are doing it, but at the same time is afraid to do so? Maybe that's why he's not very "intimate" as much?

    By the way, thank you guys for the responses. Much appreciated.
    It's a strange thing when a man says " if you put on too much weight i'd break up with you", that's kind of a bit controlling, it didn't work for my ex husband with his first wife, she gained 6 dress sizes and walked out on him in the end. We are who we are and you love someone for who they are not what the look like today, tomorrow or future.

    That, therefore makes you walk on egg shells, puts you in that self conscious mode and insecurity comes out to bite you in the bum Imagine, " i must lose 2 kilos, i must eat this type of food, i must walk for 10 minutes today, i must"...ahhhhh.

    To me, i must be happy, i must feel great, i am beautiful, i have a good heart and soul, i look fabulous in that mirror i am me.... "Want me?"...

    So, firstly i would be going the other direction and say " you know what hun, if i have a child, i'm going to be very big and right now, i look great, i love the extra curves i've got, just thought i'd let you know... "

    Time to condition yourself and him, this is you and there is absoultely nothing wrong with YOU.....

    Yes, i do believe that when all your friends have children, and one of your closest is expecting, so he may very well just be feeling that you want that to now and just letting you know he's not ready yet, let's look at next year.

    So, to me, the insecurity aspect which is silly and wrong, your beautiful, combined with you probably talking about the new baby to be coming on board, he sees, insecurity and is stepping back a bit, because that usually leads to marraige, that baby thing, he may very will think that is what you are thinking and that is how you are acting, married and he wants that but not yet, he wants the lust and passion that is a relationship that can continue once married but some guys aren't ready for that committment even at 30. But love their relationship and wants that to continue with the view of that committment when he's ready.

    Maybe, you both need to simply enjoy "relationship" stage and be thank ful that you have that, no kids to keep you up at night, interfere with your love making, tie you down so you can't go out and re-gain that youth of the "honeymoon stage" and keep that alive.

    Once one partner thinks ahead, or that's what he thinks the other partner is thinking, it well could very well destroy the sexual appetite if they are not ready.

    Just enjoy what you have because you need to be on this high all the way through, not lose it before you even get married.

    That's how i read it.

    CW

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    Wink Thanks So Much

    Thank you so much for your advice! It totally makes sense to me now. I already feel much better about the whole situation.
    MagickVixen

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    Quote Originally Posted by MagickVixen View Post
    Thank you so much for your advice! It totally makes sense to me now. I already feel much better about the whole situation.
    I think you should go out now and buy yourself a sexy top, or underwear

    Your welcome.

    CW

  9. #9
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    Default nah!!! it isnt about weight huh

    love is love dear
    adding weight may make him feel that you don’t care much about him and what he may feel when looking at you but.
    that is just a part of what makes a man love you.
    1st think which turn the man on is the woman’s love for him and that is just proven by her attitudes, the more she do for him the more he feel her love, so if she love him she better work hard for her love if it really means a lot to her, but if she doesn’t really love him she better not bother acting.
    take care here not to mix players with lovers as some men or women too just play for fun and pleasure.
    one thing makes a man turn on for a woman that if he feels that she is for him only (exclusive) and that you can make him feel by simple things like make him notice that you don’t enjoy talking to other men but him except if you have to, you do that and you will consider me as the greatest.
    simple ha.
    yeah but it isn’t just that as there are a lot of things to consider as knowing who really is your boyfriend (a lover or a player)that will show to you just when you do the above, and you get to know and feel and make him feel too that your relation with him isn’t about sex, love isn’t about sex (love is love=sacrifice=sharing=living together till death)
    sex is something you can do without love, but you can love someone without actually doing sex with him or her, but if love is practiced so closely then sex will come in place at the end.
    a lot I say and a lot more to say but I hope that what I said is enough to you to get started.
    bye for now.
    good luck
    Last edited by Little; 04-11-2008 at 08:11 AM. Reason: Spelling/Grammar overhaul

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    I started reading the previous post but my head started to ache and I had to give up. Anywho

    All I can offer is what I would do. First I'd start trying to initiate sex if that didn't work I'd flat out tell him that he wasn't meeting my needs sexually. If he's grown up and mature about it and doesn't get all defensive the next thing I'd do is tell him that I was willing to meet him half way.

    If he wants to make the sex work then so will I and that I would be willing to try some different things. Like previous posters said it could be something as simple as buying some nice lingerie or maybe something else depending on whether I felt comfortable with it.

    I hope it works out for you

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