Thread: When do you know when you're really ready?

Originally Posted by whilhelm

we were all doing things we shouldn't when we were 13.

but should we encourage 13 year olds to do those things?

what's your definition of "safe & ready?"

would you agree that young teenagers are sometimes naive about what they feel safe & ready to do, usually just because of a lack of experience & thus knowledge about what it is they're considering doing?

Well, I know for myself, I'd have loved to have had sex at age 13. It's a bit more complicated for a girl, which is why I added the provisos. If two 13 year olds want to have sex, understand what they want to do and do it safely, sure - let them have at each other. As long as there aren't babies and diseases around, I'm happy.

We differ here, I'm aware - you'll do anything to stop people enjoying themselves

Originally Posted by anonymouswhitefemale

We differ here, I'm aware - you'll do anything to stop people enjoying themselves

anon if you've ever spent any time on a farm you'll have undoubtedly seen the interesting correlations between animal & human behavior.

when two young bulls start roughing each other up, the mass of cows crowd around & watch - and the field begins to look just like a junior high bathroom where two 13 year olds are fighting.

horses act like people too - or visa versa. a horse will eat until it literally bursts - and kills itself. and if horses could speak, i can hear your quote above echoing through the pastures of countless forse farms.

"that farmer will do anything to stop us from enjoying ourselves."

we, like horses, sometimes need to be saved from ourselves.

i know what your next sentence will be - so, no, i'm not that savior. my desires are just as strong & potentially destructive as anyone's.

the supreme difference betweek people & horses is that we have been given the capacity to reign ourselves in. we have the ability to become educated & excersize self discipline - so that we control our urges, rather than our urges controling us.

the shame is that most of us make the choice to NOT reign ourselves in & we eat & eat & indulge ourselves to our harm.

i mean, really, anon - look around at all the people, younger & younger, indulging themselves with reckless abandon.

don't they all look so...

happy.

before you answer that - i encourage you to stop in at your local public high school (check in at the office first or you'll get arrested), find a few random teenagers - especially the sexually expressive ones - and just talk to them for a while. pay attention to the ones who drink a lot, get high, and sleep around - especially the girls.

Originally Posted by whilhelm

anon if you've ever spent any time on a farm you'll have undoubtedly seen the interesting correlations between animal & human behavior.

when two young bulls start roughing each other up, the mass of cows crowd around & watch - and the field begins to look just like a junior high bathroom where two 13 year olds are fighting.

horses act like people too - or visa versa. a horse will eat until it literally bursts - and kills itself. and if horses could speak, i can hear your quote above echoing through the pastures of countless forse farms.

"that farmer will do anything to stop us from enjoying ourselves."

we, like horses, sometimes need to be saved from ourselves.

i know what your next sentence will be - so, no, i'm not that savior. my desires are just as strong & potentially destructive as anyone's.

the supreme difference betweek people & horses is that we have been given the capacity to reign ourselves in. we have the ability to become educated & excersize self discipline - so that we control our urges, rather than our urges controling us.

the shame is that most of us make the choice to NOT reign ourselves in & we eat & eat & indulge ourselves to our harm.

i mean, really, anon - look around at all the people, younger & younger, indulging themselves with reckless abandon.

don't they all look so...

happy.

before you answer that - i encourage you to stop in at your local public high school (check in at the office first or you'll get arrested), find a few random teenagers - especially the sexually expressive ones - and just talk to them for a while. pay attention to the ones who drink a lot, get high, and sleep around - especially the girls.

I am in total agreement with all of Whilhelms comments on this subject.

Well yes i remember that part as well, some giggles in the background as well, i think i remember being called a "square", lol.

I can see therefore the fear and relief of you telling him, as i guess that's what we feel a bit, when we are the outsiders..

relief isnt the word. as soon as i told him...everything seemed simpler for me. now he knows...i dont have to think about explaining things to him. and the fact that he understood so well made it easier too.

But i don't know how long you've been going out with him for and your true inner feelings for him, or whether you just feel ready full stop.

I've been seeing him for about 6 weeks, but we confirmed 2 weeks ago that we were going out but he made it clear hes not ready for a serious relationship at the moment especially with going away but that he wants to spend time with me cos he really likes me and he said he wouldnt be involved with me if he didnt think there was a future.
When I told him I was a virgin, he didnt make any comments besides say it didnt matter to him, and I'm ready when I'm ready...and he'll wait. We havent spoke about it since, but everytime we kiss or something...he always says "are you alright" so hes always checking that I'm ok but he hasnt yet tried it on...

But your obviously ready to give it a go, it's all scary but that's where he should lead the way, is he gentle? I mean, puts his hand to your face, and smiles type of gentle?

he is gentle, i cant imagine him forcing me to do anything or being rough with me as he knows i'm new to it anyway. he always kisses me and touches me either on my face, or he'll run his fingers through my hair...or stroke my back/neck.

You may need to sit down and talk about it before hand, irrespective as the things you need on this journey is his full understanding, love and compassion in the bedroom. He needs to take things very, very, slow and think of your needs only not his, so there is passion and intimacy mixed, not just slow there, then fast and over and done.... Then you'll truly be confused.

Tell him you want to be intimate throughout and he has to be very very slow and you want it to be from head to toe, not wham bam, you can even laugh there....

I'm not sure how to bring it up...just randomly. but if it comes to a moment when we are talking about when we have sex, then ofcourse i will let him know what i want from it...but i think he knows anyway how to treat me if i'm a virgin. hes not ******...but maybe he feels pressured to make me feel good and secure. but i also feel as though i might not measure up to who hes been with before, but i know he wont think that cos hes not like that but guess every virgin thinks that they wont be a match to their ex or whatever. i'm being silly though...

How long is he going away for? Because yes, i think you need to be able to hold him and hug him after, for days, and keep experiencing, not once and then that's it for quite a while, it's also a deep emotion for you.. Maybe you can start more with foreplay and wait until he returns?

he will be away for 2 months, he leaves in about 5 weeks so we still have time. but 2 months is a long time apart...but we will see eachother when hes back, we'll both be in university again in september...i dont know if i can wait till he comes back to have sex, i think i want to before he goes...even though i know thats going to be tough, but its going to be tough anyway..whether we have sex first or not.

Heard that a bit here lately, regarding the pill, body adjusting, i recall that one to...

my body is still adjusting...i'm hoping it sorts itself out pretty soon otherwise i may have to change pills.

It's the most special time because this is one thing, that you definately will never forget, ever...

and thats why i've waited so long for it.

Make it special.

Also suggestions, candles, soft music, make the atmosphere special as well, what you wear, but do talk about it together in full, don't be afraid to do so.

i dont think i actually care too much about music or anything...as long as hes there with me, i dont think i'll think of anything else. but thanks for the suggestions. x
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