Thread: Painful Sex...need help

I was scheduled to go to the doctor this month but she had something come up where she'd be gone most of the month so all of her patients had to reschedule. So now I can't see her until July. But I only say that so you guys know that I will be going to the doctor about what I'm going to tell you. But I'd still appreciate any advice you can give to help my husband and I get through the next couple of months.
My husband and I have been having difficulty having sex due to pain on my part. I use to be easily sexually arroused. Little things like a kiss on the ears or back of my neck, or him sucking on my lower lip, use to really make me sexually aroused. I will admit he is a rather large man, but he fits perfectly. It was normal for it to hurt when he'd first go in, but after a minute or so, there was no pain. That was never a big deal because it never really hurt that bad.
I now have pain though every time we have sex and I am not sexually aroused by anything he does for me. I want to have sex with him and I want to be able to please him, but even when I feel a bit horny, as soon as he starts to go in, I lose that feeling because of the pain.
Then pain is sharp at first and then turns to an scratching burning feeling. Even after sex when we finish, it still will burn for awhile.
We do not use condoms because I'm on birth control. We were using them at first but I didn't like the feel of them so we stopped using them. I was told awhile back that I had a yeast infection. I have tried just about every remedy for a yeast infection. When I go back to the doctor I will ask if it's a bacterial infection because I've read that they can be mistaken for each other at times but that you have to use a different treatment for a bacterial infection then you would for a yeast infection.
Does anyone have an suggestions? I hate the pain and it's hard to deal wtih because I'll try to push my way through it so I can please my husband but he knows sex hurts and hates putting me through painful sex. I know it's hard on him though when his passion (and sperm of course) builds up inside with no way of escape. I use my hand on him to try to please him, but it's still hard because we both know that I don't get any pleasure from it. And that makes my husband feel bad when I don't get any pleasure.
Please help!

You are right that you should talk to your doctor.

But perhaps you need to use some lubricant? The sharp, scratchy pain could be the result of vaginal dryness... You say he is large and it always hurt a bit, perhaps you don't get "wet" enough.

As for pleasing him. Make a romantic night for him sometime: make his favorite food, give him a great massage and either give him a "hand job" or oral. Look online for hot tips.

It will probably hold him over until you can see a doctor and figure out what's wrong.

Best of luck!

We do use lube sometimes. Sometimes I'm wet (even if I'm not horny) and sometimes I'm not wet. When I'm not wet or not wet enough, then we use lube. But I still have a scratchy burning feeling.
That does remind me though, I use to be wet all the time and now I'm hardly ever wet. That's another thing I'm going to talk to my doctor about because I don't know if all the wetness I use to deal with was caused more from the yeast infection and if I'm dry now because that particular infections gone, or if I just use to be wet all the time because my body just always stayed lubed up whether sexually arroused or not, and now I'm dry because of a new infection...
I have no idea, but hopefully I figure that out soon.

I'd imagine that you have a pretty nasty infection and just need to speak to your doctor. Why do you visit another doctor so you don't have to wait around being uncomfortable?

Were you a virgin before you started having sex with your husband?

I'm a virgin, so I don't really have much advice to give you. I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. However, when I'm with my man I'm also easily turned on. I've learned to control it better the past month or so. The first few months we dated I was wet all the time because he made me so horny. Hopefully your problem has nothing to do with that!

All the best,

Maggie Anne

Actually, just over 2 years ago (around the time my husband and I first met) I was in a relationship with another man...well, sort of. He mistreated me very badly and would never make up his mind about whether or not we were dating. He also "raped" me. I put it in quotes because in a way it was rape. Though it wasn't phsically forced upon me, I knew he would physically force me into it if I didn't submit and at the time I did not have anything to defend myself with and new he was stronger so I just allowed it....that's when I lost my virginity. But he was super small so I honestly have to say I hardly felt him. It was still hurtful emotionally, but not physically.
When I met my now husband and we started dating, we kissed a lot and he definetly made me horny, but we never had sex. We are Christians and believe it's wrong to have sex before marriage. About 6-7 months before our wedding we slipped up a few times (it was hard for us to control ourselves because we went 8 months with out seeing each other because I had to move for an internship, so when I moved back we slipped up). I really enjoyed it then, but we knew it was wrong so we stopped and waited until our wedding. It was 2 months before the wedding that I started to hurt "down there." (we weren't having sex at this time). That's when my doc told me I had a yeast infection. I began treating it but was a bit upset when I realized on my wedding day that whatever was wrong, whether yeast infection or something, it wasn't gone. Since I couldn't talk or see Brett that whole day, I had to wait until after the ceremony and on our car drive to the hotel was when I told him I still had something wrong with me. We tried to have sex but it was too painful. The pain started to get better but now it's picking back up.
Thankfully my sex drive is coming back but for the last 2 months, I was afraid my sex drive was disappearing! So the sex drive is slowly coming back (though I am still not physically aroused by anything, it's more of a random urge to at least go roll around in bed and kiss). But of course, as soon as the pain hits, the urge goes away.

Hmm, interesting and very crappy. I'm so sorry to hear about your experiences. But you've obviously found a wonderful man that is understanding of your problem. It is good to hear that your sex drive hasn't completely vanished!

You can always just focus on pleasing each other orally for now, until this problem is resolved. That way it's semi fair.

until I find out if it's an infection or not, there won't be any oral on me. I've told my husband that from what I've read, it's best to treat the infection before any oral just incase it's something that's not good for him...plus just the though of his poor mouth on my possible infection body part doesn't set well in my mind. So until I am healed, it's about pleasing him, which as I've said before, does bother him because he feels bad he can't do anything to please me
But I must admit, that's really shown me how strong our marriage is. How many guys will stick to their woman if she can't really give him much? And how many guys would truly feel bad because only they get pleasure from sexual things?
He's a keeper

Originally Posted by InLoveWithMyHusband

until I find out if it's an infection or not, there won't be any oral on me. I've told my husband that from what I've read, it's best to treat the infection before any oral just incase it's something that's not good for him...plus just the though of his poor mouth on my possible infection body part doesn't set well in my mind. So until I am healed, it's about pleasing him, which as I've said before, does bother him because he feels bad he can't do anything to please me
But I must admit, that's really shown me how strong our marriage is. How many guys will stick to their woman if she can't really give him much? And how many guys would truly feel bad because only they get pleasure from sexual things?
He's a keeper

I will post to you on this later tonight....I am on the Internet right now in Germany buying antiques but I do have some knowledge along this line...It may be 90 minutes before I am able to get back to you...Take care, Caroline

After reading the other posts that the women have written, I am just going to pass rather than go another way.....TC, C