Thread: the dry factor.....

Originally Posted by miffed23

Great advice! Im getting some of that silicone lube

I was FLOORED the first time I tried a silicone lube and since I starting working with BBP, I was surprised at how many women use them. Wish I would have known to try one years ago!

Originally Posted by Uneeklyme

Are you saying then that if we do not love the person we have sex with outside of our relationship it is not cheating? I personally believe it is cheating with or without love if our partner is not aware of it or has either agreed with it happening and at the very least has been given the choice of how they deal with it.

Humans are funny creatures with the guilt. I wouldnt tell my lover after 20 years that I cheated on him before we married. Whats the point after 20 years. It does seem like a big lie to start out with though. Sure, your partner would be hurt and sad and angry and (insert emotion) but again, at least they would have the choice of how they deal with it. Especially if you plan to enter into a contract(marriage) which clearly states...foresaking all others. Now, if it never happens again then good on you but this woman had a relationship with another person wether she loved him or not. Her words read fling not one night stand. I understand that she does not want to continue with this fling and should make him well aware of that but lets not forget that it is not just about her. The flingee has attempted to continue the fling. Are his feelings and emotions not important enough to take into consideration. What if he contacts the boyfriend to get back at her for dumping him? At the same time, I am not telling her in no uncertian terms that she should tell her partner that she cheated. I am still of the opinion that for some people it is more a fear of losing status quo than feeling what they did was bad or wrong. What about that stops them from doing it again if they have got away with it before?

Weird but in a round about way I agree as well. She is in a 3 year relationship though. Not being married but living as if you are and commited as if you are... its still on the same level. Now, if she were just in a dating relationship I say more power to her.

Are you addressing the original poster with this or me specifically? If its the latter I have to say I would never put myself in this situation. I believe there is no reason to cheat. I understand that human nature dictates attractions outside of relationship/marriage. Its what we do with this attraction. I believe that if I am attracted enough to another to step outside the boundaries of my relationship then I should not be in a relationship. I choose to be in a relationship where attraction for others is accepted. I feel that we can love more than one person at a time. I am up front with my partners about this from the get go. It is just part of who I am. I give them the choice to either accept it and stay or not. I make no guarantees going into a relationship that I will not have an attraction for others or foresake all others and afford my partners the same. This is not to say that I do not respect my partners and their wishes but I give them the choice. I also do not get involved with anyone without letting them know up front I have a relationship and my partner will know about them hence, giving my "fling" the choice to continue or not. Sometimes hurt feeling yes but everyone knows the score and take the risk with informed consent and full knowledge. They choose to take the risks.

I agree. Our sex lives wax and wane. Cheating is not a fix. There are other ways to get the juices flowing. There have been some great suggestions here.
Love should never be judged on how good or bad the sex is IMO. I do not question the original posters love for her boyfriend just have some opinions on her actions. What she does is her business but she is here looking for opinions and advice.

Off topic but I just dont understand this power struggle of the ages. I know older women that are post dumb about their sexuality and young people that are so in tune with themselves I take lessons away from talking with them.

Again, off topic but it always boggles my mind when the cheated on or almost cheated on blame the other person their partner was messing with. More often than not, the other person doesnt even know they are getting with someone who is already "taken" and if they do, they believe what they are told... IE: we havent had sex forever, we are not in love anymore, we are divorcing but live together for financial reasons (insert excuse here) or, what investment do they have in your relationship so why should they mind if your partner is cheating, its not hurting them. This last type is just mean but still not their fault. It's my understanding that you didnt know anything about your husband playing it down to the wire until much later when you asked him if he had ever cheated on you? I sincerely appologize if I read that wrong. Great that he didn't but almost... and he participated willingly. We can only steal whats left out there for us to take.

Yes, sadly, a hijacked post. I do see where she is getting advice on her actual question though. I think if we are giving opinions and advice we should at least read the entire thread before chiming in. Personal experience... not knowing what the whole thread is can lead to assumptions of meaning.

WOW, Harsh, uncalled for and not at all near what I was thinking. I am assuming you are talking about the original poster here? Either way, none of posters in this thread deserve that or even come across anything close to ****. I personally dont appreciate you thinking for me. I have some strong opinions. Sometimes they come across as judgemental but it is not my intention. If there is a question in my meaning I would rather be asked to define what I am trying to say. Your entitled to your opinion but try to articulate like an adult and not like a shouted high school statement out of the bus window.

Like most posters here, I am very busy....I just saw this post today....Needless to say, if I would have seen it earlier I WOULD HAVE RESPONDED.....We are leaving now and I will not return until later this evening....I will respond to it under the numbers 1 to 5....Each will be about your quotes to me.....TC, C

Originally Posted by Uneeklyme

Are you saying then that if we do not love the person we have sex with outside of our relationship it is not cheating? I personally believe it is cheating with or without love if our partner is not aware of it or has either agreed with it happening and at the very least has been given the choice of how they deal with it.

Cheating is cheating. I speak about a woman not yet 20 years old that was too hot for her own good....Beautiful and she knew it....Sexually a bombshell.....No excuses but I was young.....Even though I was wrong, this is part of who I am. I truly was too young to understand the scope of this sexual act...BUT I understood the pleasures...It was the fault of my boss as he was wise in the ways of the world...I was not yet engaged but I still did it...he was a pretty wise man.....

Humans are funny creatures with the guilt. I wouldnt tell my lover after 20 years that I cheated on him before we married. Whats the point after 20 years. It does seem like a big lie to start out with though. Sure, your partner would be hurt and sad and angry and (insert emotion) but again, at least they would have the choice of how they deal with it. Especially if you plan to enter into a contract(marriage) which clearly states...foresaking all others. Now, if it never happens again then good on you but this woman had a relationship with another person wether she loved him or not. Her words read fling not one night stand. I understand that she does not want to continue with this fling and should make him well aware of that but lets not forget that it is not just about her. The flingee has attempted to continue the fling. Are his feelings and emotions not important enough to take into consideration. What if he contacts the boyfriend to get back at her for dumping him? At the same time, I am not telling her in no uncertian terms that she should tell her partner that she cheated. I am still of the opinion that for some people it is more a fear of losing status quo than feeling what they did was bad or wrong. What about that stops them from doing it again if they have got away with it before?

Why take a chance of destroying a precious relationship by telling them of something that happened.....It happened yesterday....Why would you tell them this today....This happened before we were married as what happened to her is the past...Let the past be the past...You cannot change it so why make two people suffer.....If he would have known this I would have never seen him again...Too much pride and I was just plain Stu*id....Don't think this woman lives with regret but she does not need all people to come down on her and treat her like a tramp.....She messed up but she came forward and spoke....All the correct wording in life does not make for a breaking heart...She hurts enough, that is why she is here..She deserves another chance as I did but her only sin is age and knowledge....Mine was youth and being very sexual and inexperienced..


Off topic but I just dont understand this power struggle of the ages. I know older women that are post dumb about their sexuality and young people that are so in tune with themselves I take lessons away from talking with them.

From what I understand from all the women that write me, I give lessons....Mine is not a power struggle......Mine is sharing for the older generation.....However, funny as it seems.....The younger generation has all the interest....Most of them my age are near sexually dead.....They listened to their Mother's and read Sex books that were wrong...They said we died with Menopause and I say we have only just begun...

Again, off topic but it always boggles my mind when the cheated on or almost cheated on blame the other person their partner was messing with. More often than not, the other person doesnt even know they are getting with someone who is already "taken" and if they do, they believe what they are told... IE: we havent had sex forever, we are not in love anymore, we are divorcing but live together for financial reasons (insert excuse here) or, what investment do they have in your relationship so why should they mind if your partner is cheating, its not hurting them. This last type is just mean but still not their fault. It's my understanding that you didnt know anything about your husband playing it down to the wire until much later when you asked him if he had ever cheated on you? I sincerely appologize if I read that wrong. Great that he didn't but almost... and he participated willingly. We can only steal whats left out there for us to take.

I just won't dignify that with an answer....

Yes, sadly, a hijacked post. I do see where she is getting advice on her actual question though. I think if we are giving opinions and advice we should at least read the entire thread before chiming in. Personal experience... not knowing what the whole thread is can lead to assumptions of meaning.

Like many people I did read the whole thread....Maybe a couple of times. But I, unlike you, am light on life....My world is a treasure...Each day is wonderful and once in a while I leave a bit of me somewhere and unfortunately someone comes along without a sense of humor and picks me apart.....All these things happen in life and I, being the oldest sexual poster here, always anticipate the kick from the outside...That is why I am so thrilled that the site now has the Blog Site.....I figure that is where I belong and do not have to defend myself... I have one heck of a cannon when I get mad.....So I am putting the cannon away and staying cool.......

Well, I am glad that is over.....And I am sure you are too.....No hard feelings.....

Originally Posted by CarolineWH

Well, I am glad that is over.....And I am sure you are too.....No hard feelings.....

CW: I did not mean you on this post....We have talked about this before...There is nothing I can do about my yesterday but these things happen to women in life....I can be sorry until the cow's come home but it has happened....I like to look at today with a different perspective than anyone else....I have age....With this age has come a certain amount of wisdom......This is wisdom from life and learning...My one learning in life was of an affair with a man 30 years older than I was who taught me about sex....Now that sounds terrible with just my saying it...What kind of a tramp was I to do this? What was I thinking? Yet it happened and I cannot live my life with regret....

I look at life one way.....All my experiences in life jelled and each and every part of me and who I am came from all that has happened to me in life.....How can I regret being who I am right now......I would not trade this place in time for any amount of money in the world....xox