shackleton8

Hello ladies.

Sorry that i am a male intruding on your site, but i truly need some advice.

So, i am 18, and my girlfriend has recently turned 20.

We've been together for about a year and a half now, and when we are really happy together as always, I told her a long time ago and i still stick to the same, that sex isn't really an issue, because i feel true love. But lately, her sex drive is..well.. GONE. We haven't had sex in over a month, and its killing me. I dont feel anything less for her, and i dont look anywhere else for it. But i just want to know how i can change her drive a bit. I've tried countless different things, and the other day we blew up on eachother. A lot of pressure on the both of us, it became overwhelming. Because heres me, wanting it so bad on my end, but her on her end not having any craving at all for it. I tried making hints. Nope. I tried erotic text msgs. Nope. I tried classic foreplay. Nope. I tried talking about our situation and trying to find a different way around it. Nope. I've tried soft slow music. Nothing..and i feel like im running out of options. So while we were "fighting" she came to reality, and told me what was really wrong. And now i feel so dumb for even wanting it that bad, or asking for it so much, cuz i never knew anything was like this. She told me she feels like less and less of a woman everyday, because she has no craving, thoughts or even fantasies about sex. She said, and i quote " Its nothing you have done, or you have changed, its just me, and i dont know how to explain it to you because i dont know what it is either." Now for the whole time i'm here thinking its cuz we work together, or because i've lost weight and maybe not looking as "good" as i was before. But all this time its been inside of her. Of course i wish she told me earlier, but i'm the type of man that takes things for what they are.

I just want to know if there anything i can do to change this...

Please someone help me out.

Thanks


Brandon.

anonymouswhitefemale

I'm sorry my friend, I wish there was something to tell you.

Unlucky, probably about sums it up. She's got an issue that's got practically nothing to do with you, which you have no ability to change.

For me then, the question becomes - is you're unhappiness worth it? You're 18 and you've got the rest of your life for sexless relationships, like after you get married. If she can't enjoy sex now, what do you see for the rest of your relationship/life - her drive will increase? Unfortunately, the opposite it true.

So, you can go the whole route of trying to "fix her", which will involve all sorts of things, most of which will just waste time and money, and you'll be in the same place but more frustrated six months down the line.

You're a sexual creature, she isn't - it's not exactly a match made in heaven - which is why you should move on, and experience what else relationships have to offer you.

shackleton8

See thats the thing, its more then that, we had a wonderful sex life, seriously..it was pretty great, but then it just stopped, her famous excuse is that its working together thats the problem.

But see, this is who i want to spend the rest of my life with...seriously, like i know im young and everything, but i couldn't picture myself without her. Then what do i do now???

CHANDLERS WISH

"It's not you it's me", is a classic line.

Usually, has alot of hidden meanings..

Ones we don't want to hear.

I'd ask myself how the laughter in the relationship is?

The cuddles?

The togetherness wanting to go out somewhere together?

Are they lost as well?

CW

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Uneeklyme

ouch...it's not you it's me...

She says its because you work together. You dont have time apart to miss each other. Overload.

She is not willing to push past issues. It really isn't you. It's difficult to accept but it sounds like you are not in the center of her universe anymore. She is not willing or able to turn to you to help her overcome whatever her issue is. In a relationship we should be turning to our partners for support but we tend to turn away from them if they are our issue. It sounds like she is disconnecting from you. Now you have to figure out if you are willing to live like this for the rest of your life as you say you want to marry her. You cannot fix her. Even if things turned around and got back on track... as others have mentioned... what happens next time? Will you be able to deal with it over and over? Tough decisions to be made. You need to take control of you. Decide what you want and need and if your willing to lose yourself in her issues.

shackleton8

Wow..never looked at it like that. Thanks a lot for your support.

One the other hand, its obviously difficult like every relationship will be, correct me if im wrong, but isn't braking someones heart because of their insecurities, or because of problems they truly dont know how to control, not usually a general supportive thing to do, being a boyfriend?

And, should i really be digging this deep? Thats a question you are all kind of relating to, maybe i shouldn't , but right now where i am, the way i have changed my life for this girl, i dont really have any other choice.

CHANDLERS WISH

People will always do what's in their heart. At the moment her's belongs to you, your in love and you will support her obviously... You say that she feels that it's that you work together, so maybe find another place to work, but if that's the case, then is that in-securities? She says that she doesn't know the reason, "out of her control". Then find the issues and resolve them, work seems to be one of them.

Yes, in my opinion why shouldn't you always think deeply, it's the only way you can be objective with yourself, instead of thinking one way only....

If you have changed your life for this girl, are you too protective, too clingy, to loving, does she maybe feel slightly suffocated with you also being there 24/7?

If we don't offer our opinion, then how can you see all different sides of the coin?

The key is to read it all, take it in, look at it objectively and see if there are things there that you can use.

If not, then you wont.

But there is only one person that can correct feeling the way she is feeling and that is her, she needs to talk more about it, ie) if you were to say, okay, what if i moved my job to the next suburb, so we had quality time together, instead of all the time together, would you see this as a good move?

There needs to be solutions to problems and a good communication in your relationship to work out those solutions.

Unless you do look deeper, won't it all just remain the same?

Just your continued support?

Just a thought.

CW

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Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told

Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!

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shackleton8

I think the whole this is that i know its worth it. Maybe i should executed my whole coming on this site, a bit differently. I guess i just should take the advice given and try to make a change, if in a little bit it hasn't changed then, i'll look for more options.

How do i know its truly not me though?

CHANDLERS WISH

I know it's difficult if you ask questions but are only getting "snipits" of answers, which seems to be the case.

Why not write a list - When does she smile and what are we doing, when does she back down, go quiet and what are we doing, that type of thing.

It may be a 24/7 thing - it's difficult to have a business relationship which is friendly really, and then have one out of work... which is filled with passion.

Or you could be over the moon and a bit needy, ....as i said, only you know that bit.

Give her a bit of space as well, let her see your worth.... and see if she misses you as well.?

You are obviously a very loving, caring person nothing wrong with that, but you are also just as important.


CW

__________________
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told

Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!

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shackleton8

I think that is what im going to do, if i set her free, if she loves me like she says she does, she'll come back..if not, i'll just see what i avoided in the future. I just dont want to make the wrong decision and lose her forever, then i will regret for the rest of my life, yeah i might be able to move on, but all in all..i wouldn't be able to forgive myself for my actions.